Normally, when I want to write a review, I try to avoid other people’s opinions of what’s being reviewed beforehand, because I want my review to be my genuine opinion. For anyone who has set out to write a review of Star Wars’ The Acolyte, this has become just about impossible, because the “creative” decisions made by Disney has proven to be a greater threat to the franchise than any Sith could manage to be, and as a result, social media is dragging it across nails.

Don’t get the wrong idea; I had no intention of reviewing The Acolyte, because I had no intention of watching it. While I was aware of it, it largely escaped my notice as it came around, because I don’t even bother with Star Wars, anymore.

I used to be a fan of Star Wars. I was introduced to it as a kid. At that point, Star Wars was a story that George Lucas wrote with the intention of making religion more interesting for children, which he evidently did with a reimagining of the story of David and Goliath. Except he showed a kid who wanted to be a pilot being radicalized into joining a terrorist organization by a religious zealot, then the kid went on to destroy a military base, killing millions.

But since Disney took over, their creative decisions have proven more disastrous than when George Lucas noticed that people were actually paying attention, and he decided to stop plagiarizing Dune. I gave the franchise a chance to change for the better, but I’ve since decided that I don’t really need it, and I’ve discovered that anime is better at avoiding identity politics and narcissistic power fantasies.

Based on what I’ve been hearing, I thought that the dumbest thing about The Acolyte would be the scene which showed a fire burning in space, without oxygen. Considering that Star Wars was the series that originally gave parsecs as a measure of time, not distance, it would have been a whatever moment.

But then, it turns out that it featured a sect of lesbian space witches who willed themselves pregnant, probably because their fertile years ran out as they furthered their educations and careers. So they became intersectional feminists because it’s easier to blame men than to confront their decisions to run out their biological clocks on pursuits that women don’t ultimately find meaning in, anyway. Then, after having tried everything but dating, they turned to magic. One can also point out that scissoring doesn’t work, there’s that.

Disney has written vomit. Star Wars was once a hero’s journey style of story, which nearly always involves a lesson that there are things outside of your own interests and pursuits. What Disney has written instead is blatant intersectional pandering and wish fulfillment, which actually overwrites some of the most important features of established canon. If the idea of a space witch achieving pregnancy through force of will sounds familiar, it’s because that was supposed to have been an innovation of Darth Plageus, the master of Emperor Palpatine. Did Disney forget about this? Or are they having as difficult a time keeping the source material straight as the average fan?

I’m not of the thinking that entertainment must necessarily teach a lesson. After all, entertainment is largely made-up, and the authors can insert an arbitrary moral in an attempt to justify the existence of the product to a concerned fundamentalist, and can make the moral anything that they want, including stupid nonsense that has no chance of working when put into practice in the real world. As such, I don’t expect Star Wars to contain some deep, existential meaning, especially with Disney writing it. Star Wars is not going to contain the meaning of life, especially with Disney writing up a fantasy about lesbian witches wishing themselves pregnant.

About the meaning of life, I personally think it’s pretty obvious. Life is about increasing the living mass, and increasing consciousness. You see this in nature, when you see a simple protein taking matter and free energy, and using it to create more simple proteins like itself. From a biological point of view, for us to produce progeny is the most important thing that we can do. And we have the means to do so without having to join a cult which attempts to bring it about with magical thinking. And, when it comes down to it, lesbianism is a subversion of the process.

Star Wars is supposed to be entertainment, but it’s failing miserably at that. That’s to be expected, when Disney is looking to score DEI points with intersectional pandering which alienates the vast majority of people. After all, less than 2% of all people are homosexual, and the rest are likely to be alienated by something that they don’t care to be associated with.

In fact, there’s more at stake than it not being interesting. Do you know what women in general think of homosexual men? They don’t respect them. Because women by nature tend to be more agreeable, they aren’t likely to say as much. But most women don’t want to date a man who has engaged in gay sex. This is because women care whether men have put their features in places where they do not belong. Women view gay men as having an ick on them that cannot be washed off. When heterosexual men are aware of this, it’s natural that they’d want to distance themselves from anything homosexual.

When you have the theory of mind that permits an awareness of this, it’s abundantly clear that writing in homosexual wish fulfillment is counterproductive to a brand whose objective is to have as broad an appeal as possible. I don’t wear the Star Wars logo for the same reason I don’t drink Bud Light: the image associated with the brand is something I’d rather avoid.

It’s because of this that I haven’t bothered with Star Wars in a long time. So when I hear that Disney attempted another spin-off that spits right in the faces of those who are still involved, all that really is to me is a spectacle for me to behold, pointing and laughing.

Other than that, Star Wars doesn’t mean anything to me.