Category Archives: Humor

Get a Load of This: Intersectionalists Illustrate the Most Naive Place on Earth

What the flip is this I don’t even.

If you’re like me, daydreaming can take you to places with ninja ladies, Nintendo, and nachos aplenty. This is because the typical man knows what rocks.

What would a militant feminist daydream about? There’s a reason that no one asks them, and that’s because they aggressively beat us over the head with it, regardless of whether anyone cares to know about it.

They don’t have artistic merit among them, but the U.N. scraped up the best they could come up with to show us the feminist utopia. You pretty much already saw it above, but here it is again, submitted for your amused disbelief:

Even ancient Greece in all its philosophical vanity, rampant pederasty, and unconstitutional democracy couldn’t produce something this insane.

This locale, called Equiterra, threatens to unseat CWCville as Empress Regnant of deluded paracosms. It’s intended to showcase what an ideal society would look like in the eyes of an intersectional feminist.

It’s a huge, voluminous mountain of horse puckey, to the point that the prospect of making fun of it can take even a seasoned satirist aback. Honestly, I don’t even know where to begin. So I’ll pick an arbitrary point and then proceed on whim. Equiterra doesn’t proceed with sensible rules, so I’m under less pressure to do the same.

One thing I notice about Equiterra is the educational presence. This seems positive, until you realize that most degrees are consumer products, and most of them are absolutely useless. Most college towns fuel their economies with the debt of students that move into town, so Equiterra isn’t likely independent, especially considering Equiterra’s relative lack of production. Even if the education were “free”, who would be taxed to make this education possible?

Also, I’m noticing an emphasis on STEM. If women want STEM degrees so bad, they should just go for it. I’m not kidding. The college I went to was so serious about getting women into STEM that they even offered them private dorm rooms, something that men weren’t guaranteed. Even the fringe benefit of being surrounded by all the men they could dream of doesn’t seem to persuade them into STEM.

I noticed a wedding ad, a daycare, and reproductive services. Because Equiterra has no apparent source of food, how are its residents procreating?

There’s a “Violence-Free Alley”, as though violence weren’t already illegal everywhere. …grumble

I noticed Hindus and Muslims co-existing peacefully near the Inclusion Square, which brings to mind just how well these groups get along in places like India. I did take notice of the lone Jew planting a tree, showing that at least one Jew survived the attempt to bring Utopia about, this time around.

But notice any signs of Christianity? Me neither. That’s kinda unrealistic, considering that it’s the most popular religion on earth. I suppose all the talk about sin, reconciliation, Natural Law, and superordinate principle made the untalented artist uncomfortable. Kinda like Hitler.

There’s a centre for recycling toxic masculinity, somehow. It’s pretty far from the only element that suggests that men are the only ones that need behavioral modification. While men have a view of women as idyllic, the fact is, women amongst themselves can be highly toxic, and sometimes even vicious. Don’t question how I know.

Also, we can do away with the notion that men are the only sources of sexual aggression, because women are certainly capable of the same. Though I suppose that not all men have made the same observation.

Equiterra has a government building, and to no one’s surprise, it’s filled with people sitting around, accomplishing not-a-damn-thing. When you’ve already screwed over all the freedoms that people already had, what would they have left to do?

Quick, how many vehicles did you notice in all of Equiterra? The recycling truck? And that’s it? Exactly. The already-dark environmentalist dystopia gets even darker with the implication that there’s no easy way out.

Not pictured is the wall citizens are climbing to escape, because people prefer a world where they can eat steak and have sex.

As ridiculous as Equiterra is, I almost want to see someone attempt it, preferably avoiding the bloodshed and genocide that precedes most failing utopias. If the U.N. thinks a town like this is such a great idea, let’s see them fund it. It’s hard to imagine they would, as the financiers of such a project would likely anticipate the return on their investment in a completely non-productive society. There’d also be an awkward moment in which they’d have to explain why they are turning down the pitch, in such a way that doesn’t explicitly confess that their professed political ideology is woefully insufficient for building a successful organized society.

“So, you want a few schools, a laboratory, your own government, oodles of reproductive services, a male toxicity treatment plant, and let’s not forget a fashion boutique. I’m double-checking; are you sure you’re not interested in any agriculture? Okay then, how many unicorns can we put you down for?”

The investment banker we all envy.

Maybe if it has a feminist tinge, socialism will finally be accepted as the real thing when it’s attempted, and we can finally apply the book-end to one of history’s most miserably stupid ideas.

Panic-Buying Round 2 is Underway

This photo was taken earlier this year.

Just a few days ago, I warned my readers that they have an opportunity to prepare for a possible new round of lockdowns. It would appear that I’m not the only one with my ear to the ground, as people have started prepping for a next round of lockdowns, which seems to be turning into another bout of panic-buying.

While Biden’s guys are flip-flopping on whether to institute a nationwide lockdown (which federal judges in Michigan and Pennsylvania have already found unconstitutional), Gretchen Whitmer, governor of Michigan, has decided that she just couldn’t wait and decided to institute a three-week lockdown (ignoring those federal judges). Leftists are itching to lock everything down, and they can hardly contain themselves.

The World Health Organization (WHO) has already opposed lockdowns, citing the economic damage that they do, worsening the problems of poverty and child starvation.

Not that left-wing governors care.

With them, it’s about power. And the lockdowns are yet another way they can express their power over you. Want to physically attend college so you can build career connections? Governors have their own aspirations. Want the income you need to buy that house? Governors care about their own income. Have family plans? Governors have their own plans for the future, and they don’t care about you.

While mass-hysteria fueled by corporate-media sensationalism was the main driving factor of early 2020 panic-buying, the panic-buying of late 2020 is being driven by sheer distrust of left-wing governors, at least one of which is ignoring a court ruling and the law of the land just to do as they please, and more chilling still, they’ve been able to avoid accountability for it until now. That may soon change with the possible impeachment of Gretchen Whitmer, but I’m not counting on it.

Just days ago, a handful of Northeast governors have met up in an emergency meeting to conspire against us discuss further coronavirus restrictions in light of an increase in the number of new cases. Among the points discussing involved more limitations on the number of people who can gather together in one place, which just so happens to be something a Pennsylvania federal judge directly ruled against.

Wow, I had no idea that a federal judge could be simply ignored. Life hack!

Biden’s Inclusive Voter Fraud Organization?

Sometimes, it happens that a person says the wrong thing, but we all know what they meant. However, Joe Biden had just made (yet another) gaffe that has some people suspicious that it’s less of a mistake and more of a Freudian slip.

Here’s what the Presidential nominee had to say:

“We’re in a situation where we have put together – and you guys did it for our admi … the president, Obama’s administration before this – we have put together, I think, the most extensive and inclusive voter fraud organization in the history of American politics,”

Interpreters the world over immediately got to work to figure out just what it was he said. However, one flub in particular stands out:

“we have put together, I think, the most extensive and inclusive voter fraud organization in the history of American politics,”

It’s possible Biden meant to say something other than fraud, but Joe himself might be the only one who knows for sure, but even then, I have doubts. But because it’s difficult to place what he meant, it might actually be a case of accidentally saying the quiet part out loud.

It’s also possible that someone hacked the world’s most influential teleprompter. Our own guys really need to step it up, because it’s looking like the Russians are the only ones that are any good at hacking stuff.

(By the way, that was a joke, not a challenge. I know that American intelligence agencies excel at spying on Americans.)

What makes Biden different from your usual politician is the sheer number of gaffes that come right from him, such as this gem from just last night, when he forgot who he was running against:

‘Four more years of George, er, George, er, he – we’re going to find ourselves in a position where, if Trump gets elected, we’re going to be in a different world,’ 

His wife, who was present, appeared to silently correct him, but it’s amusing that he said the same name again as he attempted to correct himself.

FYI: George W. Bush hasn’t run for office since 2004.

What I find amusing is his sentiment that ‘if Trump gets elected, we’re going to be in a different world’. Nice try, Biden. But Trump was already elected. He’s up for re-election; he’s the incumbent.

If you’re a Biden supporter, you’ll be relieved to know that he’s called a lid on press events until the election, reducing the likelihood that your guy will slip up on camera.

BuzzFeed Writer Tries Justifying Jeffrey Toobin, Makes Cringe, Instead

You might remember the story from earlier this week about Jeffrey Toobin getting caught on a Zoom call, molesting his own mushroom. A BuzzFeed writer chimed in, intent on justifying Toobin, but instead made people the world over ponder just what is up with Buzzfeed.

Sometimes, a Freudian slip occurs, when a person accidentally reveals something about themselves that they didn’t intend to. Sometimes, it’s deeply personal, like when you accidentally blurted out your affection for a video game character. (What, just me?) Or like when a person says, “Doesn’t everyone change lanes without looking?”, to which you might answer, “Speak for yourself, and don’t drive anywhere near me.”

It’s because of this that when the title of a Buzzfeed article is “Jeffrey Toobin Can’t Be The Only One Masturbating On Work Zoom Calls”, you kind of wonder about the author, and the staff that permitted the article to survive the vetting process.

I don’t blame the author for taking the opportunity to use euphemisms for choking the chicken, including some I’ve never heard before. But she (yes, she) doesn’t seem aware that “tooting your own horn” refers to something different. Perhaps this is sloppy writing, or maybe it gives away some level of unfamiliarity with the craft.

But she brings up a point about the election simulation. That is, that it wasn’t discussed in much detail. Maybe there’s something about plotting out a violent revolt in response to a Trump victory that really makes New Yorker staffers wanna blow their loads.

But to the author’s credit, it seems like she was merely using the article as a backbone to share humor on the incident, what with her sharing a Twitter meme about changing comic captions, and a Twitter post about an Etsy mug.

There’s the BuzzFeed I know, aggregating content for profit. And producing such intellectual content as Take This Personality Quiz And We’ll Guess If You’re Sweet Or Sour.

So, apparently BuzzFeed thinks it’s normal for a person to squeeze the tomato during Zoom calls, and wonders why something like this doesn’t happen more often. Thanks for the insight into BuzzFeed’s corporate culture, I suppose.

TWAT News: Jeffrey Toobin Caught DIYing During Teleconference

(Disclaimer: Ladies, you might wanna skip this one. Consider yourselves warned.)

Jeffrey Toobin, a CNN analyst, contributer to The New Yorker, and award-winning author for his coverage of the O.J. Simpson trial, was suspended from his job at The New Yorker and is on a leave of absence from CNN after an embarrassing teleconference mishap on Zoom, when he believed his colleagues couldn’t see him.

He was doing a DIY pickle-tickle.

What he didn’t know was that his activity was being transmitted. Not only that, it seemed like he, for some reason, angled his camera down to the scene of the action. Unaware to Toobin, the other Zoom callers could see him jerkin’ his gherkin.

Speaking to Vice, Toobin said, “I apologize to my wife, family, friends and co-workers.”

Especially to his co-workers, I imagine, who got a glimpse of his yogurt cannon. But hold on, he’s married? So he could’ve had assistance? But hey, maybe she was away, and Toobin didn’t want to walk maybe a couple blocks to the nearest rub-and-tug joint.

Toobin added, “I thought I had muted the Zoom video.”

Now Toobin is the latest lefty, joining ranks with Anthony Wiener, who couldn’t properly operate the basic features of popular software, and accidentally transmitted a rooster selfie.

Speaking of O.J. Simpson, he had the following to say about the matter on Twitter:

“Daaaaamn, Jeffrey Toobin. At least Pee-Wee Herman was in an X-rated movie theater. ‘I’m just saying.”

Natch, legacy media is doing what they can to keep this story buried, as is the case with Hunter Biden’s hyper-incriminating lappy.

Is this really That Was Actually The News? It’s more like Can’t Omit Creepy Kooks News.

The Fly That Everyone Can Shut Up About

The Vice Presidential debate was last night, and apparently, people actually watched it. That in itself surprised me, because the VP debate was like the diet cola of the campaign debates; in that people largely kid themselves about how much they matter.

Because the political climate today is bloated with people that don’t listen to what the other side has to say (largely enabled by social media algorithms serving content relative to a user’s political interests), there’s no surprise that either side would claim victory while shutting their ears to any point the other side actually made.

Because no one was actually paying attention, when a fly landed on Vice President Pence, that’s what got everyone talking. The next day, when people talked about the debate, it was mainly about the fly, which is to be expected when the debate is watched by a relatively disinterested audience that gave the debate a shot because they already streamed the Marvel movies and binge-watched every episode of The Mandalorian.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Between the two, the fly made the safer choice. I can imagine the fly bursting into flames if it were to land on Kamala Harris.

She’s the person who held people in prison for extended sentences for minor crimes so she could use them for cheap labor, paying them $1/hour to fight California wildfires. She started a fund to bail out rioters, even as rioters that had their charges dismissed by West-coast judges simply returned to riots. She filed criminal charges against the parents of truants, then laughed as she recalled their distress. She obstructed a DNA test that could have exonerated a man on death row, and when he was tested, he was cleared. Then, she blamed workers at her office for the obstruction, rather than take accountability for her own actions.

Reading her accomplishments, Kamala Harris sounds like the Chuck Norris of evil.

But as for the fly, if you guys like the thing so much, vote for it as a write-in. At this point, it wouldn’t surprise me if the thing actually won.

How to Explain PragerU to a Moron

I’ve heard repeated attempts to classify Prager University, also known as PragerU, in various levels of frustration. Because many people are apparently sincere in not knowing what to make of it, I’ve decided to take it upon myself to provide an explanation of what PragerU really is.

Here goes:

PragerU is an informational YouTube channel that provides succinct explanations of conservative positions, usually with guest presenters.

That’s pretty much it. As for the methodology applied to arrive at this determination, I visited PragerU’s YouTube channel and website, and my observations were consistent with the premise, putting aside the facetious and obvious ruse of being an educational institution.

I figured out what PragerU is about, and I did it in the same way one would figure out what Facebook is about (by visiting their website and looking around), or what Nintendo is about (by visiting their website and looking around).

Twenty-first century sleuthing.

Take your fake meat and shove it.

lina disappointed

I stood in place, neck craning at the illuminated menu. The contents of my stomach fought an uphill battle with my esophagus as I struggled to comprehend what I was beholding. As the seconds passed, my appetite decreased to the point that I could have simply walked out, requesting nothing of the distressed menu that was before me.

The problem? Submitted for your bemused disbelief, the Impossible Whopper:

F4CB0AA5-8C3C-422E-A763-98CA0C9032E5

There is some honesty to be appreciated in the implication that it’s impossible for a Whopper with 0% beef to be considered a hamburger, but any good will that could have been fostered is offset by the fact that the Impossible Whopper is, at its core, an imitation product.

If there’s no beef present, then just what meat is being served? Is it pork? Some variety of browned poultry? No, it’s pretty much a veggie burger. Of course, if the Impossible Whopper were marketed as the fake that it is, it would find it’s way down fewer gullible throats. The imitation burger is instead a lie by omission.

Another trend that’s disturbing is that of lab-grown meat. When I sit down to a steak, I shouldn’t have to ponder whether some lab somewhere successfully synthesized the protein that supports muscle growth, or the B vitamins that upholds brain function. My expectation would be that the steak was once an animal with awareness. If this were not the case, the violation of my expectation would throw my trust in the server into serious jeopardy.

It’s obvious why they’re trying to trick us: if we knew that these imitation meat products were not the real deal, almost none of us would bother with them, except perhaps the vegans who are going so crazy by reason of their ascetic diets that they’re willing to accept look-alikes to fill the void caused by an absence of normal food. But even then, that group is so legalistic that they wouldn’t likely risk the cross-contamination that’s expected at fast-food joints. So what are these proponents of fake meat doing besides trying to trick us?

There are people out there willing to ironically consume something gross just to say they did, but it’s a limited market. Once they’ve tried it once, they’ll move onto pig rectum subs or whatever, then what? What benefit is it to Burger King to leave something on a menu that just a few people are going to try only once? I’m not hungry enough to eat some imitation meat, and if I was starving, I have the benefit of having to choose between a bunch of things I’d rather eat, including durian.

If you can’t out-compete a fruit that smells like farts, you’ve failed.

The Fist-Cough Cult is still dangerous.

a-woman-coughs-into-her-right-fist.png

In 2017, I posted this article about the Fist-Cough Cult. It’s very appropriate to share today, considering the current events about COVID-19, or the coronavirus.

Coughing on your fist has always been dangerously irresponsible, but the current coronavirus epidemic adds a whole new level to it. You might have already been treating the Fist-Cough Cult as the pariahs that they are, but now we all have a new reason, as their dangerous ideology can be firmly placed into a similar category to that of the anti-vaxxers.

Have you been seeing Fist-Cough cultists in your area?

The Horrifying Hysteria of the Coronavirus Apocalypse

teh shelvz be bare.JPG

I took this one at a nearby grocery store. As you might have guessed, toilet paper was on these shelves. Interestingly, this was the only item there was a shortage of. There were plenty of facial wipes and paper towels.

You might be thinking, “Everyone bought up the toilet paper!” But in reality, it’s just a few guys buying into the hysteria, leaving the rest of us searching for just a couple rolls to last us a week.

One guy I saw bought three cases of toilet paper, and he left the store strutting as though he accomplished something extraordinary (though in a sense, he did).

The COVid-19 outbreak is one set of events where the way people are over-reacting is way scarier than the disease itself.