Category Archives: Humor

Cart Narcs may be just what’s needed to restore your limited faith in humanity.

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You may have heard of the “shopping cart test”. It goes like this: If you return your shopping cart to the cart return (or corral, or whatever you call it), then you can function in society. If not, then probably not so much.

The reason why it’s so effective as a test is because it’s a simple ethical consideration: you get nothing for bringing the cart to the cart return when you’re done with it, but it’s a little thing that’s expected of people to keep society running smoothly.

If you don’t, and you leave the cart loose in the parking lot, then that means that you’re only considering your own convenience, and are expressing indifference towards other people who may want to use a parking space that the cart might occupy, or that the cart might damage a car if it were to roll away.

Do you do your small part to keep society neat and orderly, or are you only concerned with your own convenience?

That’s something to consider when watching the Cart Narcs, who confronts the lazy and self-centered among us, in the interest of getting the “lazy bones” among us to reconsider their choices.

The Cart Narcs are social media personalities who go to parking lots, and confront the lazy people who don’t bring their carts to cart returns when they’re done with them. It’s a simple premise, but pure entertainment.

See for yourself. Here’s the latest update on their YouTube channel as of this posting:

One thing that I can appreciate about what the Cart Narcs does is the risk that they take with each confrontation. After all, if someone is the kind of person who places their own convenience over keeping society running smoothly, they’re probably simple-minded to the point that they don’t think things through, and might tend towards violence.

Yet, such people are seldom physically fit, so they wouldn’t be great at that, either.

One of the reasons why I appreciate the Cart Narcs as much as I do is because I once worked as a cart fetcher at a supermarket. In fact, the store was so busy that that was just about all I did throughout my shift while I was there. And in my time there, I got to see humanity on full display, complete with its entitlement and laziness.

I often did see customers just leave their carts between parking spaces. It was a mild inconvenience for me, but I didn’t see it as so much of a problem that it would have been worth confronting anyone about it. And it often went that it evaded my notice until after the customer drove off.

It didn’t take long working that job to see it all, after which point returning for another shift was like tuning in to a rerun for a show that was never fun to watch to begin with.

I’ve seen quite a few lazy people, and in the case of many of them, it wasn’t hard to see that they’re not right in the head. It’s because of this that I respect the efforts of the Cart Narcs. There’s also the fact that there are people out there who really need to hear what the Cart Narcs have to say.

Also, they make me remember how glad I am that I no longer work in customer service. Some people out there are only fit to be drowned.

Vaush opened the wrong folder.

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When I first heard about the breadtuber Vaush, I assumed that he didn’t really believe what he was saying, and would have guessed from his vocabulary that he was talking way over the heads of the pro-socialism typicals who love the big words they don’t know the definitions of, and that Vaush was yet another grifter who was gaming the algorithm because he knew how. Thus, I didn’t much discuss him because I didn’t want him to have any more publicity.

But then, on a Feb 7 stream, he demonstrated a flagrant lack of basic datasec. He opened his own private stash on livestream.

Which, by the way, was on a folder on his desktop. And there among his stash was a folder labeled “Taxes”.

The use of the term “private stash” may have given you an idea of just the kind of stuff that his live viewers were treated to. But to be more specific, much of it was “horse stuff” and loli art, some of it seemed to have been AI-generated.

Since then, Vaush has gone on damage control, describing the characters with the loli aesthetic as being more “goblin” in body shape, as though he was into fantasy art, and explaining that he thought that the loli was just drawings of women with “short stack” builds. Basically the “she’s actually 3000 years old” defense.

While some of his viewers and critics may be wondering whether Vaush is going to jail, right now, it seems like the answer is “no”. While loli may be illegal in many places in the world, it is not illegal in the United States, where Vaush resides (the U.S. has the 1st Amendment, which protects free expression, and the apparent contents of his folder falls under protected speech). Of course, just because something is legal doesn’t mean that you’d tell your mom about it, or that it’s allowed in every setting.

Nonetheless, that Vaush has accidentally outed himself as possessing horse and loli “stuff” has some interesting optics when you consider that in the past, he’s insisted that Nazis are pedophilia adjacent because they favor relationships with power imbalances, and similar takes.

When someone virtue-signals often, pay attention to what they say, as such a person tends to project.

While Vaush has had some questionable takes, there was some plausible deniability for a while, though I know not everyone has been giving him the benefit of the doubt. One could have easily assumed that he was making obvious efforts to stoke controversy in an effort to game the algorithm, and watch all the ad revenue roll in from all the room-temp-IQ muh-free-stuff socialists that will come to his defense by virtue of being in the same tribe. But now, much of what he’s had to say about bestiality and other topics has taken on some interesting new optics.

While this whole drama has made just about everyone an expert on datasec, I think there’s something that can be said about being more careful about who your influencer heroes are, particularly the ones who behave like Vaush does on social media. After all, even ordinary heroes are disappointing every now and then. But if someone has a habit of deliberately posting horribly offensive shit publicly, then maybe it’s a better idea to keep your distance. And when SHTF, you can look on as some of his ilk continue to defend him, and know that those who do are the true believers in his cult, willing to come to his defense no matter what, which is probably just the kind of following he really wanted.

I don’t know what’s in the future for Vaush, but at this point, it’s easy to imagine that few outside of his small clique of cultists will take him seriously, and that even his fellow breadtubers will want to keep their distance. Basically similar to what happened with Jack Murphy as his cuckolding controversy played out.

I’ll say that the legal stuff that Vaush has on his computer is his business. But what’s really creepy about him is that there’s some less legal stuff that he’s been low-key attempting to make acceptable. That doesn’t put him in great light.

Goofball Finds Support For Israel In Fast Food Wrapper

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You’re not ready for this. You’re about to laugh the hardest you have laughed in a long time.

You sitting down? Here we go:

As much as I’d like to believe that this was all some act, I know that people like this actually exist. When you’ve had a job in which you have to interact with the public, you see many different kinds.

But this is truly special. Here’s the kind of person who listens to a televangelist, and thinks that the sermon had some kind of special, hidden message that was intended specifically for them. The kind of person who makes financial decisions based on horoscopes, and names their kids after the first name they hear after turning on the radio, because fuck any chance they could have at living normal.

“Wow. What does that resemble?” Could it be the McDonald’s logo? A helpful reminder of where you just spent your money? The icon to blame for making you fat?

The moment you heard the woman say, “This is in support of Israel.”, you couldn’t see the guy’s face, but you could hear it drop. I know that wage slaves are under enormous pressure to maintain a veneer of professionalism, but I can’t imagine any manager out there would fault him for saying, “Are you serious?”

But you heard her tone, she was as totes cereal as a sack of processed grains at the supermarket.

What are the odds that two basic colors used on fast food packaging could coincidentally resemble the colors of Israel’s flag? So low that, according to the people who put watermelons in their X posts because the colors are similar to the colors of the Palestinian flag, it couldn’t be a coincidence, and must necessarily indicate support for the state of Israel.

I get the fact that stupid people believe in synchronicities to help them cope with the fact that they’re going to die someday, and that there is nothing special about them, but it’s time to keep it real: belief in synchronicities can destroy your mind. And the above video has shown us a great example.

Dude No Longer Has Free Wi-Fi, Complains To Neighbor

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Sometimes, a guy with a screw loose will come right up to you, and surprise you with what they say. This is one of those times.

A man visited his neighbor complaining that he put a password on his wi-fi, so he can no longer use it for free. And the exchange was caught on video:

I can say first of all that, depending on where you live, it may be illegal to access your neighbors wi-fi without their permission, even if it’s not password-protected.

Second, while it’s great that the man learned well enough to put a password on his wi-fi, he’s probably got some double-digit IQ datasec practices if it took him two years to figure out that that it’s a good idea, and only arrived at that determination after hearing advice. Wi-fi has been widespread for about two decades, and its best practices have been pretty well-established. I can imagine that he’s still yet to use a VPN or ad-blocking software.

Now, let’s get to the heart of the issue at hand. A man has been using another man’s wi-fi for free, without permission. And he’s been doing it for so long and justifying it with his own flawed reasoning that when he suddenly had to do without, he feels slighted.

So, what does he do? He goes up to his neighbor and complains about it, and two worlds collide.

I can only imagine what the guy has been doing with his neighbor’s wi-fi that caused it to slow down to the point that it’s become noticeable. Perhaps he’s been downloading the latest Final Fantasy games in a handful of European languages, not because he has any intention of actually playing them, but because if he’s going to do something so illegal, he may as well go for the gusto.

Of course, we can appreciate just how goofy a guy is that he doesn’t seem to understand how wi-fi works. He knows well enough how to hook up to an unsecured network, but seems to think it’s location based, as though one device on a network can’t tax bandwidth if it’s used outside of one’s personal property. I get the idea that the guy may have had some help connecting.

While the guy suggests a couple solutions to his new lack of access to wi-fi, I have a better one: stop being so cheap and get your own ISP.

This is sad.

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You know that a man has a passion when he’s willing to turn away a sweet opportunity for it. And that’s just what we see in the following video:

Your eyes didn’t deceive you. A woman who was at least average met a man who was well below average on a dating game, and the man dismissed her out-of-hand because she wasn’t into Marvel movies.

The more I think about it, the sadder it gets.

For one thing, the guy clearly has an addiction. That’s what it’s called when someone allows something to interfere with other, more important areas of their life. And from a biological perspective, nothing a person does is more important than the continuity of their genes. To that end, a person seeks a partner of the opposite sex. But Marvel Movie Guy turned down a woman who’s well out of his league because she didn’t care for his taste in movies.

What’s more, there’s the fact that he wasn’t willing to give her a chance, just like that, over something so trivial. The fact is, relationships succeed with compromise. The two people involved are separate individuals, and won’t agree on everything. Because of this, relationships work better when both parties understand that they won’t always see eye-to-eye. And when that comes to a different taste in movies, that’s not usually a big deal.

Except, with Marvel Movie Guy, it is a big deal. And with him, not liking them is up there as an instant dealbreaker like smoking and belief in astrology would be to most men.

While we’re criticizing the guy to a pulp, I’ll also take the opportunity to point out that Marvel Movie Guy is not attractive. He looks like he already has a thing going on with food, and it’s an abusive relationship. Aren’t Hawaiian print shirts normally a little loose? But that guy was filling his right up!

I’d have imagined that the woman would have been the one to dismiss him on sight. When it comes down to it, one’s appearance is the most obvious outward sign of one’s virtues, and to that end, physical fitness says a lot.

I don’t know what the guy plans on doing going forward. Especially now that he’s got an online rep for being the guy who turned down a woman because she wasn’t into Marvel movies. Once he develops some amount of self-consciousness, he’s going to realize that he’s got a lot to live down.

Also, the woman called Marvel movies “anime”. That’s cute.

New York City Teacher Does TikTok Presentation About Sexualities of Nintendo Characters, Says She Was Only Kidding

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What New York calls an educator.

There’s a teacher in New York by the name of Remy Elliott (certified as Jeremy William Elliott) who decided that it would be a good idea to do a video on her TikTok account in which she assigned various gender identities to Nintendo characters, such as Mario and Princess Peach.

According to her TikTok presentation, “Mario came out so long ago most people forgot”. Not only that, she claimed that Luigi is demisexual, Princess Daisy is bisexual and polyamorous, Toad is ready to come out as a trans-girl, and Yoshi completed transition to a male, complete with breast-removal surgery that left no scars.

As I read about this, it became apparent to me that the presentation was a joke, which was something that Remy did assert. But even so, to make a presentation like this when representing your school district as an educator seems like an insanely bad move.

But just in case you doubt where this piece of work stands in the culture war, Remy claims to have a trans flag, a bisexual flag, and a non-binary flag on her desk at her work, which would be at school. She did this to show just how accepting she was of these things.

The only reservation she had concerning what she shared with her students concerned her polyamory, because that “is not in the conversation”. But she did confer with administrators, who agreed that it would be appropriate with her to speak with students about her relationships.

I disagree. A teacher’s job is to teach, preferably on the topic of the class in question. It’s certainly no place for any educator to bring up personal matters, especially not personal matters of a sexual nature, and certainly not with students who are still minors. What’s even more vexing is that the school district’s administration, after hearing of Remy’s polyamory, approved the teacher to speak of it, rather than immediately shooting it down for the repugnant idea that it was, or at least recognizing the potential for controversy and bad press.

She said: ‘This is not a conversation that conservatives are having at all. They’ve decided… like, you can’t do this at all, there’s no place for it. 

So, now we know what a depraved half-wit does when she ignores any voice of reason. She’ll upload a presentation to TikTok which bullshits about the sexual identities of Nintendo characters.

‘And that just shows such a lack of thought and care. They’re not understanding of the people. They’re children as people and where they’re at.’

And, no surprise, she’s of a mind that determines that it’s ageist to say that it’s wrong to introduce sexual deviancy to children.

Notice how she’s registered under the name “Jeremy William Elliott”? She is actually a he.

So yeah, we have yet another case of a man identifying as a woman, likely in an attempt to make it easier to approach children about sexual matters.

She added: ‘It’s also strange to point out that they have genders and sexualities, as being a cisgender heterosexual man is in fact a gender and sexual orientation.’

How he arrived at the conclusion does not follow. The fact that Mario is apparently straight does not make it unusual to talk about the genders and sexualities of Nintendo characters. In fact, there are some cases where mature, adult fans may prefer to speculate about this topic, to the end of coming to a better understanding of the characters in question. Putting aside, of course, the fact that the characters in question are seldom, if ever, sexualized in the official materials. What makes the matter unusual in Remy’s case is that he wished to publicly have the conversation as an educator, with dozens of ninth-graders presumably involved.

‘As part of my DOE employment, despite being primarily hired as an English Teacher, teaching our established and vetted sex education curriculum was not only something I was hired for, it was something I was trained and qualified in.’

That was a shitty move on the DOE’s part. After all, Remy can’t be counted on to present the sexualities of Nintendo characters in good faith. I’ve been a Nintendo fan for decades, so I can take issue with many of the claims that Remy makes.

For one thing, Mario and Luigi are evidently straight. This is presumably one of the reasons behind why they go after princesses Peach and Daisy. They want some of that vertical smile. For Toad to transition to a girl would be redundant for his franchise, because his sister Toadette is already a character in those games. Then there’s Remy’s assertion that Yoshi had “top surgery”. Yoshi is a reptile. Reptiles don’t have mammaries.

She added that she only ever spoke of her personal life ‘within reasonable limits.’ 

It’s great to know that Remy is willing to draw the line somewhere, even if that line should have been placed well before telling minors that Princess Daisy is “hella bisexual”. But, who knows? Maybe Remy will do another installment where she points at Samus Aran as being trans, and Link as being a closet fairy. Yoshio Sakamoto and Shigeru Miyamoto don’t seem to be in any hurry to represent the perversity of the moment, so perhaps Remy will step forward to help them out?

Hey Pennsylvania, What Is Wrong With You?

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The midterms are mostly over. Votes are still being counted, and Democrats are acting as though they’ve won just because they didn’t lose as catastrophically as they deserve. Georgia is looking at a runoff, and we’re still awaiting some results. No surprise there. There wasn’t much expectation that it would all go smoothly.

But what I’d like to zoom in on now is Pennsylvania. Oh, Pennsylvania. What is wrong with you?

I do live in Pennsylvania, so it’s not like some criticism from the outside looking in. But just because I’m here, doesn’t mean I know what the people here are thinking. Especially those to the left.

It’s not as though I don’t hear what they’re saying. Every now and then, one of them meanders out of one of our three major cities, expresses wonder and awe at all the “unused space”, then proceeds to bloviate about what he thinks makes a successful society.

But what I don’t have an explanation for is why about 2.6 million of them became party to sending John Fetterman to the Senate.

I know that it’s usually inspirational for a person who suffered from an illness to succeed in spite of that. However, when the illness leaves a person less capable of performing a task where many people are counting on him, then the better choice is to have someone else do the job.

The poor guy suffered from a stroke. During his debate with Dr. Oz, he could barely string a sentence together, and frequently failed to form a coherent response.

Were the Democrats of Pennsylvania simply unaware of this? A lot hinges on the answer to this question. Either the Dems were unaware of the capacity of their own candidate and were therefore uninformed voters, or they were so vote-blue-no-matter-who that they’d be happy to hand a rubber stamp to a seat warmer.

It’s not as though they’ve done Fetterman any favors. Can you imagine the unintelligible internal monologue of someone who has not fully recovered from a stroke? Can you imagine how confused and disoriented such a person would be as they are ushered from one place to another and told what to say?

Considering that the current presidential administration is basically Weekend At Bernie’s, I think we can say that a pattern has been established.

But as bad as that is, it gets worse. Democrat Tony DeLuca won reelection. In spite of being dead.

You may be wondering how a dead man found his way on the ballot. His passing occurred last month, at which point, it was too late to remove him from the ballot. It’s been decided that a special election will be held.

While it’s possible that DeLuca’s reelection was on similar reasoning as Fetterman’s (ignorance or sheer tribalism), it may be that the people voted for DeLuca in an effort to force a special election, not wanting the victory to go to his opponent, who was a third-party candidate.

Third-party candidates sure do have it rough. Their run for office is usually little more than a cynic’s quest. Unless there’s some prize to be won for throwing tons of time and money into an endeavor that ends up going nowhere.

In any case, it’s refreshing to see the Democratic voting base so accurately represented.

Microsoft Drops NPC Update With New Pride Flag (seizure warning)

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Here it is, the new pride flag, according to Microstiff:

I can only imagine the headaches that this new design will cause. An ocular migraine doesn’t look this intense.

What’s more, this new flag looks like a logistical nightmare. Can you imagine all the colors that would have to be used to print these flags, which could end up outside the porches of homes that we tell our children to avoid all across America? Then there’s all the flags that would be rejected by reason of smudging the colors, which would have a high potential of occurring with all the different colors used.

The flag reminds me of Ancient Greece. Not just for the debauchery it represents, but for how similarly the Greeks handled idolatry. They wanted to ensure that they honored every god that they knew. And with how heavily pantheistic they were, they knew a lot of them. It got to the point that some of their cities were so packed with statues, that cities like Athens were said to have more gods than men.

Eventually, people just decided to set up pedestals with plaques that read, “To the unknown god”, in the hopes that, in so doing, they’d honor any god that they may have forgotten to build a statue for.

Perhaps we’re just months away from seeing a new pride flag that just says, “To the unknown sexuality”.

Things Are Looking Not-So-Grand For Chris-Chan, Right Now

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Chris-chan and his OC, Sonichu

Things might not be going well for the infamous author of Sonichu. Just yesterday, Green County Juvenile and Domestic Relations court has decided to send Chris’ case before a grand jury to determine whether to try him.

A grand jury is not necessarily more important or serious than an ordinary trial. They convene to determine whether the evidence is sufficient to try a suspect. The defendant and judge are usually not involved, usually it’s just the prosecution and grand jury. The grand jury need not be unanimous; it need only reach a supermajority (about 2/3 or 3/4) to proceed with a trial. A grand jury gets its name from its size, usually about 23 peers, which is substantially larger than a trial jury.

This presents a potential for either good news or bad news for Chris:

  • The potential good news is that the grand jury may decide not to indict. Thus, he may soon be a free man. Though, this is unlikely, as grand juries have a high rate of indictment. As the saying goes, a grand jury would indict a ham sandwich.
  • The potential bad news is that Chris’ charge may be bumped up to a felony. The J&DR court hearing Chris’ case does not convene grand juries. The court only hears misdemeanors, and Chris’ current incest charge can be tried as either a misdemeanor or a felony.

Because most cases involve a plea bargain, and the case appears to be escalating, many following this case have begun to speculate that Chris may have declined a plea bargain, maintaining his innocence, or may have in some way mishandled the matter, akin to a previous court tantrum over pronouns (Chris has decided to identify as female, though the trans community is not humoring his game).

Based on the information available, the most likely date that a grand jury would convene in Chris’ area would be August 8. At that point, the case would be more public, by reason of the case being considered outside the J&DR court that has been hearing his case up to this point.

It’s unknown to those following this case whether Chris is still being held without bail. In a few days, it will have been a year since his arrest, the maximum amount of time a person may be detained awaiting a trial for a misdemeanor. Where he would go upon release is unknown, as he likely wouldn’t be allowed back to his previous home, as his mother presumably still resides there.

With the basic facts out of the way, it’s time for some viewpoints. First, and this should be obvious, don’t have sex with your elderly mother, no matter how desperate you might be to get some with anyone. If your pee-pee aches, and no one wants to do it for you, you might want to settle for applying the lotion yourself.

Second, if you’re the laughingstock of the online world, you might benefit from a diminished web presence. This especially goes if your historical attempts to manage your reputation have consistently fallen to shit.

Third, and this should go without saying, if you happen to be a lonely piece of work, it might be a bad idea to post a shitty webcomic expressing your abject loneliness in an infantile paracosm populated by a bunch of Sonic recolors. Tempting though it may be.

Fourth, just to get this one out there: Don’t pretend to be a woman to try to win over the lesbians. Lesbians tend to prefer biological females. It’s kinda their deal. I know, people can be so picky.

Chris-chan is what you get when you roll a 3d6 for a Wisdom stat, and somehow get a 1.

Beavis and Butt-Head Discover That They Have White Privilege

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It’s been a decade or two since I’ve watched Beavis and Butt-Head. I thought that, after the initial attempt to revive the series, that was it. As it turns out, there’s more coming, and it seems the two are going to college.

Considering the current college environment outside of trade schools, it’s easy to picture them as places where they belong.

I also don’t remember them being this funny. The clip below is of the dimwitted duo discovering that they have white privilege. They then proceeded to interpret it their own way.

“THIS RULES!”

It flew under my radar, but just days ago (on June 23, 2022), a new Beavis and Butt-Head movie was released on Paramount+, called, Beavis and Butt-Head Do The Universe. What’s more, two seasons of the Beavis and Butt-Head TV show are in production, also for Paramount+.

If the new Beavis and Butt-Head episodes are going to be this hilarious, I might give them a watch.