Category Archives: Humor

Legacy Media Just Added Bronies to the Hitler Club

There is an expression: “One bad apple spoils the barrel.” It has to do with public perception going against a group due to the behavior of just one maverick. Of course, it’s not fair to the group being discussed.

The brony community has long been a pronounced example of an eccentric group, and the legacy media has long sought after any excuse to jump all over them.

Now, thanks to the actions of one bad guy, the entire brony fandom has been “linked with neo-Nazism & shootings”. Sound unfair? That’s just how The Sun has framed it with the following headline:

In reality, bronies aren’t especially dangerous, though I still wouldn’t let them play with any children of mine. The vast majority of bronies are just fans of the show. It would be great if the article pointed that out.

Oh, hold on. They did. Eight paragraphs into the story:

While the overwhelming majority of bronies are just sincere fans of the series,…

The Sun’s article

Then they went right back to framing the fandom as deranged sociopaths:

…online forums have been infested with extreme porn and racist messaging for years — and have even been linked with real world violence before.

The Sun, continuing the same sentence

When discussing bronies, it’s hard to tell where the irony ends and the fanatical lunacy begins. But one fan took things too far when he carried out a mass killing, beforehand expressing a desire to be with the character of Applejack (pictured above) “in the afterlife”.

I can’t speak for bronies, but I imagine that they are currently saddened, both at the tragedy, and by reason of the press’ attempts to frame them in an intensely negative light. The list of people falsely-branded as racist or neo-Nazi is growing by the day, and it so happens that bronies are the latest addition to the club.

Sadly, if the press wanted to defame any group as neo-Nazis, they’d have a simple time doing so. A long-running internet meme is to corrupt something that seems innocent, which often has to do with producing fan art with Nazi imagery. If it’s an intellectual property that you like, or any fandom, it’s likely already received the same treatment at the hands of photoshoppers. While the artists might find it funny, a sad potential side-effect is that a corporate legacy media with an agenda would find it trivial to dig up their works to use as misleading examples of connections to Nazism.

These misleading examples would then be presented to consumers of legacy media, who don’t know well enough that the images were merely intended as jokes (in poor taste), and not representative of the sincerely-held ideals of the greater community.

I’m a live-and-let-live kinda guy. As I see it, if a bunch of guys want to play with plush ponies, that’s totally up to them, and there’s no reason to complain if they’re laid-back about it. Better still, they’re funny, and give us some laughs. Of course, I do have the right to point out when one is acting like a goofball or is taking things too far.

Don’t give bronies a hard time. They’re people, just like you and me. The difference being that women find them much harder to date.

Amazon is Going After Anime Figures Again, and it STILL Makes No Sense

Amazon is back to banning anime figures on the reasoning that they “promote child exploitation or depict children or characters resembling children in a sexually suggestive manner”. An example of a figure that was banned was one of Konata Izumi (pictured above), doing neither of these things.

It seems they really didn’t learn anything, at all.

The characters depicted did nothing besides just standing there, fully clothed, doing nothing especially sexual. They were no more sexualized than any action figure you’d buy for your 10-year-old kid.

They even started going after Nendoroids, such as this one:

If they’re going to go after Nendoroids, they can also start going after Precious Moments figures, because they do just as much to “promote child exploitation or depict children or characters resembling children in a sexually suggestive manner”:

Hold on… is that hand holding? That’s a display of affection! Precious Moments is actually doing more to sexualize the characters the brand depicts than Nendoroids! How are the authoritarian moral busybodies not bazooka-crapping their collectively dainty undergarments?

Putting the manufactured nerd rage aside, I suspect that what’s going on is that a seller was targeted by frivolous complaints that weren’t properly vetted. The seller that the action was against was the same one as before, and similar merchandise was targeted.

Even the nature of the complaints was the same, suggesting that the real culprit was some Karen NPC who actually believes that going after anime figures somehow makes the world a better place, and as dimwitted as she is, she knows that something about complaints about child exploitation bypasses peoples’ better judgement. Putting aside that the characters are fictional, and therefore no children are being exploited.

The seller came forward with subsequent complaints, as shown here:

Oh no, they are NOT going after Cirno. They’ve gone too far.

Fan Trailer Shows What the Pokémon Diamond and Pearl Remakes Would Look Like With a Huge Boost in Quality

When the trailer dropped for the upcoming Pokémon remakes, Brilliant Diamond and Shining Pearl, just about everyone was underwhelmed.

(blank stare)

The Pokémon fandom is pretty awesome, and one among them decided to produce a fan trailer for the upcoming D&P remakes. The result looks like what one might expect from the single highest-grossing intellectual property of all time, if produced by a company so rich that they don’t need to turn to a bank to finance their own projects:

The trailer looks like it’s for a video game that would be worth $60. That’s pretty impressive, considering that it was made within days of the official trailer.

Isn’t it something special that one fan could pull off in days what a team of professional game developers with years of experience did not?

In fact, it makes one wonder why the professionals didn’t even bother. In light of this, I’ve come up with a theory: What if the official trailer for Brilliant Diamond and Shining Pearl is actually showing us Cyrus’ world?

Cyrus (pictured above) is the antagonist of the original Sinnoh games. His ambition was to reshape the universe to eliminate concepts like human emotion, which he viewed to be flawed and incomplete.

In Pokémon Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon, Giovanni formed a group called Team Rainbow Rocket, which was composed of leaders from other teams which were taken from grimdark parallel universes where those team leaders actually succeeded.

If the official trailer for Brilliant Diamond and Shining Pearl showed us what the world would look like if Cyrus succeeded, it would go a long way in explaining why the humans in that interpretation of the Sinnoh games look so unimaginative and unexpressive.

(blank stare)

Somewhere out there, someone let their save file for Pokémon Diamond, Pearl, or Platinum sit for like ten years, without beating Team Galactic. Therefore, Cyrus seized the opportunity to bring his vision of a world of Nendoroids to life.

That’s why you beat your video games, kids.

(halp)

Why do a live-action reboot of The Powerpuff Girls when you could do a show about aging feminists?

Photo from Variety

I wish I was kidding, but they’re doing a live-action Powerpuff Girls, where Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup are all adult women that look back with regret on their old lives as superheroes.

How depressing can you possibly be?

The Powerpuff Girls hasn’t been reboot as many times as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but it’s getting to be up there. In addition to the poorly-received 2016 reboot, there has been an anime reboot that originated in Japan, called Demashita: Powerpuff Girls Z:

While the writing was pretty bad, it was still fun to watch, and the character designs weren’t bad. Few people seem to remember the show, which has much to do with the fact that its international release was limited.

In its various reboots, The Powerpuff Girls was intended to be little more than pure stupid fun. If you’re the kind of person who attempts to justify entertainment with its educational value, you weren’t likely to enjoy it (or anything else). There was no edge to it, nor was there depth.

Because of this, a live-action reboot taking place in a future time when the three girls look back on their heroism with regret seems like the worst thing they could do with the series.

Considering this, it got me to thinking. If The CN is up for some depression-porn, is a live-action reboot of grown-up Powerpuff Girls the best way to go about it? What if someone thought of something more depressing?

Then, I got an idea. Here it is: a live-action show about three washed-up feminists in their thirties, called The Sadderpuff Girls!

The one in red is a professional victim who, after spending the prime of her life pursuing her career and threatening discrimination lawsuits to advance, suddenly finds herself desiring to finally settle down and start a family of her own! But she must fight an uphill battle with her own natural hypergamy as she finds that most men haven’t advanced as far in their careers as her! Will she compromise and become a cougar for a younger man? Will she score a knockout before the bell rings on her biological clock? Stay tuned!

The one in blue is an aging THOT who, after a decade of being a cam whore, notices as her view-counts drop by reason of her aging body. The show can follow her zany adventures as she attempts to find a new source of income, in spite of her online reputation, lack of skills, and that huge, massive, gaping hole in her resume! Or, failing that, she can try to find a man to care for her, directly competing with countless twenty-somethings with too much self-respect to pander to simps!

The one in green is a stereotypical butch feminist who, after years of being conditioned by her ideology into assuming the worst in other people, must pick up the scraps of her tattered life in spite of a damaged ability to form interpersonal relationships! Will she recognize her assumptions about other people for the projections that they are, or will she revert to activism in an effort to change everyone but herself? Oh, the suspense!

Antagonists? The Sadderpuff Girls don’t need any antagonists! The Sadderpuff Girls are their own worst enemies!

Is my show idea depressing enough for you? I aim to please.

They’re Making Lola Bunny Less Attractive, and This Was Supposed to Benefit Women, Somehow.

Hold on, what is this? I heard that Lola Bunny is getting a redesign, but that’s just gross. Is that piccie above really of Lola Bunny? She looks like some kind of freaky space-alien-looking-thing.

But that’s not the main thing about her that I’m hearing about. But before this post continues, here’s a short disclaimer:

WARNING: If you’re disturbed by mild sexualization of a cartoon character, you should probably get over yourself.

Now that that’s out of the way, apparently, Lola Bunny was given a breast reduction in an effort to make her less sexually appealing.

In the special way that Slate sees matters, “conservatives want you to be mad that Lola Bunny’s not hot anymore”. This lulzy position overlooks the greater problem that this is what feminism has done to women throughout the western world.

As depicted above, Lola otherwise still has highly feminine characteristics, including diminutive upper-body strength, narrow shoulders, softer eyes, broader hips, and so on. Those hips are quite well-defined, by the way. Those would be what’s referred to as “birther hips”, which are considered strongly appealing by, you know, men. Lola’s otherwise over-the-top feminine appearance makes her breasts all-the-more conspicuous in their absence.

As I see it, the designers of Lola’s character could design her as they wish for what they perceive as the creative benefit of the work that features her. Put another way, if it’s your character, you can design her however you want.

However, if it was the designer’s intention to distract from her sexuality, they’ve likely figured out by now how difficult that can be. In many ways, it couldn’t really be helped by virtue of the fact that sexuality is something that occurs in the mind. An artist can’t really control whether anyone could perceive a work in a sexual manner.

If an artist wanted to make something that was impossible to perceive with an element of sexuality, that in itself would be pretty-much impossible. Humans can perceive a sexual element, even in things that wouldn’t seem intrinsically sexual. Like pizza, which is a food item. I don’t get it, but it’s something that some people find sexual.

What’s more, sexuality is an intrinsic element of humanity. It might even be that sexuality is the most human of traits. The moment that something is humanized (such as, for example, when anthromorphizing a cartoon rabbit), it gains a sexual identity. The only time when it’s acceptable to not consider a sexual identity is when it’s not known, such as when the sex of an unborn child is not yet identified. But once it’s sex is known, it’s not acceptable to call the child an “it” again.

When you draw a cartoon character of your own, and call it a “her”, you’re acknowledging the existence of her vagina, provided that the character is a human female that is anatomically consistent with other human females. It is then assumed that this characteristic plays a role, even if slight, among other characters that they interact with (except in some cases when it is established that the character plays a non-traditional societal role).

If you think I just stated a lot of highly obvious stuff, you’re well enough off to not have to be told as much. But not everyone out there is as well off. Particularly, the radical intersectional feminists who mistakenly view sexualization as a form of objectification. But the fact that they’re wrong isn’t stopping them from passionately trying to become authoritarian moral busybodies.

Intersectional feminists, being absolutely tone-deaf, misses the irony of the fact that, on International Women’s Day, the design change of a cartoon rabbit that isn’t real, and therefore cannot be an actual victim, makes the news by becoming less feminine. While this is occurring, women in the middle-east have almost no rights to speak of compared to men, and are legally kept in harems as sexual slaves.

Priorities, much?

As one might imagine, the furry community is furious about this news. They’ve become yet another western creative community that has become negatively impacted by intersectionalism’s obsession with making everything it touches less entertaining. They’re a sorta-dubious addition to the club, but they’re an addition to the club, non-the-less.

You know whose cartoon bunnies remain unaffected by western censorship? Anime.

Today has shown us yet more reason why more and more westerners are turning towards Japanese manga and anime. One can really hand it to the Japanese for making sure that entertainment is still entertaining.

If you’re siding with intersectional feminism and have managed to stick around this far, please stand by for a send-off from Akira Kogami:

When western entertainment fails hard, along comes anime to sweep up yet more viewers. How long will it take for Hollywood et al. to figure out the obvious? I don’t know, but there’s a continual flow of new anime to watch in the time it takes for it to happen.

ILCA, the Developers of the Upcoming Pokémon D&P Remakes, Made a Miku AR App

You may have already heard of ILCA, the company collaborating with GameFreak to make the upcoming Pokémon remakes, Brilliant Diamond and Shining Pearl. The artistic direction of these games, still in development, has gotten to be rather controversial in the Pokémon community.

Understandably.

You may have already been aware that the company was involved with some big-name games, such as Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance, and Dragon Quest XI.

But what you might not be aware of is that ILCA is the company behind an AR (Augmented Reality) app that was part of a collab between Hatsune Miku and Domino’s Pizza in Japan.

If you’ve never heard of Hatsune Miku, welcome to current year, things must have been pretty dull beneath that rock. But if the name is unfamiliar, there’s a strong likelihood you’ll have at least seen the character herself in the back of Suncoast or wherever. She looks like this:

As part of the promotion, Domino’s Pizza produced a special pizza box in Japan. This box, when scanned by the app, would reveal a 3D model of Miku, who would then proceed to sing and dance.

Miku is no stranger to Pokémon, as she had previously been involved in a collab with the media franchise, as shown in the following promotional material:

Here’s the advert of the Domino’s promotion, as presented by none other than the president of Domino’s, himself. I don’t suggest skipping over this one if you haven’t watched it already, as it’s one of the most hilarious and cringe-inducing things out there:

You know what? That app is a marvel of technology. Now that I’ve seen what ILCA can do, I think they deserve a chance with the D&P remakes.

It’s clear that these guys are brilliant.

Do the Upcoming Pokémon D&P Remakes Spoil a Future Nendoroid Line?

Considering that our freedoms are being screwed over along with whatever solutions that could make things any better, I’ve been dwelling on the graphical style of the upcoming Pokémon remakes quite a bit.

But after a while, I came to notice that the overworld models in Pokémon Brilliant Diamond and Shining Pearl look kinda reminiscent of something: Nendoroids.

If you’re wondering what a Nendoroid is, it’s a figurine line that originated in Japan. It’s basically like Funcopops, except Nendoroids make Funcopops look like smoldering crap. They are massively more expressive, and usually come with accessories like faceplates and exchangeable limbs for posing.

Here’s an example:

There are already Nendoroid figures of Pokémon trainers, such as this familiar character:

Even the champion from Diamond and Pearl, Cynthia, has been featured:

Could it be that the upcoming D&P remakes are providing strong hints of an upcoming line of Nendoroids? If so, perhaps ILCA are brilliant marketers, after all.

GameFreak must be well aware that most of the revenue that the Pokémon IP generates comes from merchandise. By making a game’s characters look like the merchandise, the interesting aspects of the franchise are being integrated in an intelligent way.

What a brilliant move.

Even Fear of Starvation Isn’t Driving Texans to Buy Fake Meat

Texas is in a pretty scary situation. Supply lines are disrupted, and shelves are being cleared out at supermarkets. In some cases, there’s no sign of more shipments coming in. Faced with the prospect of starvation, Texans are panic-buying.

But they’re not desperate enough for Beyond meat, an imitation meat product that Bill Gates hopes will end up replacing the real deal in the near future.

From what I’ve heard, fake meat like Beyond Burger and Impossible Beef pass for the real thing. But let’s be real, here: there’s no point in pretending to eat something that you’re actually not. If I know that a wine glass contains grape juice mixed with club soda, I’m not going to accept it as champagne. Simple as that.

The same goes with meat products. If someone were to pull some stunt on me by presenting me with a hamburger, then being like “Surprise, it’s actually an Impossible burger!”, I’d be pissed, because they committed fraud.

I don’t know much about investing, but I suspect that an investment in a company that fills shelves with products that no one buys would be total crap. Though, on the chance that Bill Gates himself reads this, he’s free to take to the comments and explain what it was he was thinking.

PETA wants to ban animal name insults

PETA is no stranger to taking offense on behalf of animals. Now, they’re taking offense to the use of certain animal names as slangs, and are suggesting alternatives.

Examples include exchanging the slang “chicken” for “coward”, “rat” for “snitch”, and “snake” for “jerk”. PETA’s objection is on the reasoning that they imply that humans are superior.

Humans are superior to animals, and I can make the case for it, easily.

Suppose a race of extraterrestrials wanted to wipe out life on earth because they want an oxygen-rich terran planet on which to build an immense parking lot. Who do you suppose stands the best chance of stopping them?

Cats? No, they’ll be too busy destroying yet another set of drapes, while being too stupid to know why this pisses you off.

Dogs? No, they can’t even perform simple calculus.

Whales? Of course not. What do they even do?

If you answered “humans”, you’d be right. We’d be the most likely ones to detect those invaders the moment they’d enter our solar system, then vaporize them with all the ridiculously awesome weapons that we’ve been developing in the eons we’ve spent fighting each other.

Animals are like those worthless coworkers who have no idea how to do their jobs without making everything worse, so the best they could do would be to just stay out of the way. Except animals can justify their existences by being edible, and if they can prevent a bunch of humans from going hungry, they’ll have done their part in the effort to eventually save life on earth.

As for PETA, if they think humans are so mean, they’re free to go graze in a field, somewhere, and discover just how enlightened animals really are. And if they were to be eaten by some carnivorous or parasitic animals, they’d at least bring up the average number of humans who understand how the world works.

Get a Load of This: Intersectionalists Illustrate the Most Naive Place on Earth

What the flip is this I don’t even.

If you’re like me, daydreaming can take you to places with ninja ladies, Nintendo, and nachos aplenty. This is because the typical man knows what rocks.

What would a militant feminist daydream about? There’s a reason that no one asks them, and that’s because they aggressively beat us over the head with it, regardless of whether anyone cares to know about it.

They don’t have artistic merit among them, but the U.N. scraped up the best they could come up with to show us the feminist utopia. You pretty much already saw it above, but here it is again, submitted for your amused disbelief:

Even ancient Greece in all its philosophical vanity, rampant pederasty, and unconstitutional democracy couldn’t produce something this insane.

This locale, called Equiterra, threatens to unseat CWCville as Empress Regnant of deluded paracosms. It’s intended to showcase what an ideal society would look like in the eyes of an intersectional feminist.

It’s a huge, voluminous mountain of horse puckey, to the point that the prospect of making fun of it can take even a seasoned satirist aback. Honestly, I don’t even know where to begin. So I’ll pick an arbitrary point and then proceed on whim. Equiterra doesn’t proceed with sensible rules, so I’m under less pressure to do the same.

One thing I notice about Equiterra is the educational presence. This seems positive, until you realize that most degrees are consumer products, and most of them are absolutely useless. Most college towns fuel their economies with the debt of students that move into town, so Equiterra isn’t likely independent, especially considering Equiterra’s relative lack of production. Even if the education were “free”, who would be taxed to make this education possible?

Also, I’m noticing an emphasis on STEM. If women want STEM degrees so bad, they should just go for it. I’m not kidding. The college I went to was so serious about getting women into STEM that they even offered them private dorm rooms, something that men weren’t guaranteed. Even the fringe benefit of being surrounded by all the men they could dream of doesn’t seem to persuade them into STEM.

I noticed a wedding ad, a daycare, and reproductive services. Because Equiterra has no apparent source of food, how are its residents procreating?

There’s a “Violence-Free Alley”, as though violence weren’t already illegal everywhere. …grumble

I noticed Hindus and Muslims co-existing peacefully near the Inclusion Square, which brings to mind just how well these groups get along in places like India. I did take notice of the lone Jew planting a tree, showing that at least one Jew survived the attempt to bring Utopia about, this time around.

But notice any signs of Christianity? Me neither. That’s kinda unrealistic, considering that it’s the most popular religion on earth. I suppose all the talk about sin, reconciliation, Natural Law, and superordinate principle made the untalented artist uncomfortable. Kinda like Hitler.

There’s a centre for recycling toxic masculinity, somehow. It’s pretty far from the only element that suggests that men are the only ones that need behavioral modification. While men have a view of women as idyllic, the fact is, women amongst themselves can be highly toxic, and sometimes even vicious. Don’t question how I know.

Also, we can do away with the notion that men are the only sources of sexual aggression, because women are certainly capable of the same. Though I suppose that not all men have made the same observation.

Equiterra has a government building, and to no one’s surprise, it’s filled with people sitting around, accomplishing not-a-damn-thing. When you’ve already screwed over all the freedoms that people already had, what would they have left to do?

Quick, how many vehicles did you notice in all of Equiterra? The recycling truck? And that’s it? Exactly. The already-dark environmentalist dystopia gets even darker with the implication that there’s no easy way out.

Not pictured is the wall citizens are climbing to escape, because people prefer a world where they can eat steak and have sex.

As ridiculous as Equiterra is, I almost want to see someone attempt it, preferably avoiding the bloodshed and genocide that precedes most failing utopias. If the U.N. thinks a town like this is such a great idea, let’s see them fund it. It’s hard to imagine they would, as the financiers of such a project would likely anticipate the return on their investment in a completely non-productive society. There’d also be an awkward moment in which they’d have to explain why they are turning down the pitch, in such a way that doesn’t explicitly confess that their professed political ideology is woefully insufficient for building a successful organized society.

“So, you want a few schools, a laboratory, your own government, oodles of reproductive services, a male toxicity treatment plant, and let’s not forget a fashion boutique. I’m double-checking; are you sure you’re not interested in any agriculture? Okay then, how many unicorns can we put you down for?”

The investment banker we all envy.

Maybe if it has a feminist tinge, socialism will finally be accepted as the real thing when it’s attempted, and we can finally apply the book-end to one of history’s most miserably stupid ideas.