Category Archives: TWAT News

TWAT News: Beyond Meat COO Arrested For Biting Man’s Nose In Violent Rage

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One of the main reasons that vegetarians give for their impractical diet is that it’s supposedly “violence and cruelty free”. If their role model is Dave Ramsey, the COO of Beyond Meat, they might want to find a new one, and quickly.

That’s because the COO was arrested after allegedly beefing with a motorist whose vehicle collided with his tire. During the alleged fight, during which Ramsey punched through the back windshield of a Subaru, Ramsey bit the nose of the driver, ripping flesh from the tip of their nose. He also supposedly made terroristic threats.

For most COOs, to go completely feral like this would be at least a little unusual.

Ramsey had previously worked for Tyson Foods. The stock value of current company, Beyond Meat, fell by 73% just this past year. In the last three years, the market value of Beyond Meat fell from $13.4 billion to $1.09 billion, which is no surprise considering that nobody wants to eat his bullshit fake meat. Except maybe vegetarians.

Does anyone else notice how vegetarians love to pretend to eat the things they don’t allow themselves to? Otherwise, why is there a market for vegetables that have been shaped into fake meats that don’t have the same nutritional value as the foods that they attempt to imitate?

If vegetarians think it’s wrong to eat meats, why do they work so hard to make themselves some fakes?

My guess is that there is a primal side to them that they’ve been working hard to ignore. They want to belong, and one of the ways that people bond with one another is over food. Yet, that’s hard for them to do when they insist on rejecting what most people eat. They have appetites consistent with the hunter-gatherer specie that humans are, but fail to requite these appetites with the nutritional requirements of omnivores.

Over time, as this primal side is repressed and denied a healthy outlet, their appetites build to the point where they boil over, and they attempt to satisfy their urges with any target that’s available. Such as the nose of another motorist, for example.

Thus, one of the reasons why meat eaters are safer to be around is that they have a healthy outlet for their primal sides. And let’s be honest here, humanity has certainly not adapted out of needing to eat meat for nutrients.

But as for vegetarians, there’s no telling when they might flip out, drop the act, and decide that meat is back on the menu. And they might be willing to take it from anywhere they can get it.

T.W.A.T. News: Biden Tests Positive For COVID

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It’s been a shaky couple days for news of the health of the worst President in the history of the republic. Just today, the White House has announced that Joe Biden has tested positive for COVID. This announcement comes just a day after Biden stated in a speech that he has cancer, yet another Biden blunder that was clarified by the White House, pointing out that he was referring to skin cancer treatment that he had received prior to assuming the presidency.

The announcement also comes one year after Biden stated that if a person was vaccinated against COVID, they would not catch COVID.

Biden was vaccinated and boosted twice.

Considering the lethality of COVID, it might not be the reason he gets replaced with a better leader. But even then, the current veep is Kamala Harris, who is like a Chuck Norris of evil.

In any case, it’s clear that Joe Biden isn’t benefiting very much from this experience. Especially if he loses his sense of smell, which could end his career of hair-sniffing.

In any case, it’s clear that Biden is not all there. There’s no telling when he’ll fall off another bike, or fall going up a flight of steps. When the time comes, will you have decided what to drink to celebrate America’s return to energy independence?

TWAT News: Dumb Criminal Accidentally Busts Himself For Drug Crime

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He said that he purchased drugs, and I believe him. He also said that he’s an experienced drug user, and I believe that, too. I also believe that Thomas Eugene Colucci is a dumb criminal, and he’s probably getting around to figuring that out.

The same man was taken into police custody after calling 911, expressing doubts that the two bags of methamphetamine that he had purchased from a man in a night club was legitimate. He claimed that, as an experienced drug user, he knew the sensation of meth, and suspected that he was instead sold bath salts.

Afterwards, the doubting Thomas took his two bags of meth to be tested by police, who then confirmed that the bags tested positive for meth. Then, in a move that most of us probably could have called, the police took him into custody for possession of methamphetamine, and two counts of possession of drug paraphernalia.

His bond was set at $7000. Which is pretty low, considering that if he was dumb enough to accidentally turn himself in, there may be a significant risk of failure to appear because he got lost on the way to his own trial.

Colucci’s motive for bringing the matter to the attention of police was in the hopes that the drug dealer would be detained, reasoning that getting a dealer of counterfeit drugs off the streets would make the world a safer place. However, because Colucci failed to provide information that led to the dealer, the only one who ended up getting arrested was Colucci himself.

Bravo, Colucci! That was exquisite! You actually busted yourself for possession, and That Was Actually The News.

TWAT News: Ex-Pat Bombs as Chinese Olympic Skater

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If you’re among those insistent that fail can’t be epic, there are many examples to challenge your position. Among these being one presented by Chinese figure skater Zhu Yi.

Zhu Yi is a Chinese Olympic figure skater, and as such, she’s under a lot of pressure to perform exceptionally, as the performance of Olympic athletes has long been considered a matter of national pride.

Especially so for Zhu Yi, the daughter of Chinese immigrants, who changed her name from Beverly Zu and renounced her U.S. citizenship to defect to the Chinese Communist Party, turning her back on the abundance that a free market has to offer in favor of the strictures of Communism.

To illustrate the providence of communism, here is a photograph depicting the monthly food ration of a Polish citizen in the mid-80s:

Zhu thought she could bring honor to her communist dystopia by representing them on the global stage. But that didn’t work out, as during her performance, she fell and hit a wall, then later fell over again. She ended up coming in last for the entire competition.

Because Zhu is so fond of changing her name, perhaps it would be fitting for her to change it again to Wah Waaah.

As bad as all that was, the difficulties are only beginning for Zhu. The Olympics are such a matter of national pride for the Chinese that if a Chinese athlete were to win any less than a gold medal, they are made to issue a public apology. After that, they tend to have difficult lives from that point on.

I suppose the nice guy thing to do would be to pity her, if the nice guy were to forget that she turned her back on her country and went commie.

After her failure, the phrase “Zhu Yi has fallen” started trending on Weibo, the Chinese equivalent of Twitter. That is, until the hashtag was censored. Commies gonna commie.

If you don’t want to end up on That Was Actually The News, you’d be safer if you don’t fail hard while representing your new country, especially after turning your back on your old one.

TWAT News: Jealous Wife Stabs Husband Over Younger Photo of Herself

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Let’s not be unfair to all women out there, since we know that not all of them are obsessive and paranoid. But this tends to be the case quite a lot, doesn’t it?

So, it’s easy to feel bad for a man who, thinking it to be a normal day, went out to get some yard work done. Little did he realize that leaving his phone indoors would result in the missus finding a pic of him with a younger woman.

As one might imagine, his wife’s imagination hard-railed to the most negative possible implication against her, and she assumed that the man was cheating on her. One might imagine that, upon returning inside, the man would have an opportunity to explain himself, right?

Except that wasn’t how it went down, at all. Instead, the woman went outside with a knife, and proceeded to repeatedly stab the poor man. Shortly afterwards, the police arrived and detained the woman.

The woman was detained? Is to take the woman’s word for it no longer the current year thing to do?

The kicker? The young woman in the photo was the wife herself. The photos were taken when the two were still dating, and the man had the photos digitized so he could take them with him on his phone.

Unfortunately for him, in the years since, the woman let herself go, and became so stupid that she couldn’t recognize herself in a photo only a couple years old. Also, there’s the dealie with her going dangerously psychotic, as evidenced by the whole attacked-the-poor-man-with-a-knife thing.

I suppose there are worse ways for a man to find out he stuck it in the wrong woman. But if you find that the woman you’re with has been rooting through your belongings, that’s a sign that she has dangerous trust issues. The news story above is an extreme example of what can happen when you end up with a woman who lacks trust.

But the fact that That Was Actually The News? It goes to show that there are some people out there that don’t quite trust someone enough to commit to them.

TWAT News: Transsexual Appointed Health Secretary

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Rachel Levine. I did not edit this photo.

I have a series called That Was Actually The News, which examines crazy or hard-to-believe stories that make the news, sometimes with jabs at the outlets that consider these occurrences news. For the first time, I have my doubts that the category could do it justice. Wait ‘til you find out why.

President Elect Joe Biden has just appointed his health secretary. And it is a transsexual woman.

We’re really in for it, now.

Rachel Levine, who previously served as Health Secretary of the state of Pennsylvania, had been selected by Joe Biden as his Health Secretary. Rachel identified as a man for the first 50 years of her(?) life, before deciding she’d rather be a woman, breaking up with her wife over the delusion.

Rachel is also known for blowing her stack when an interviewer used the wrong pronouns on her, accidentally. I know that not every transsexual is militant about it, but there is an outspoken few who actually view misgendering as a form of assault.

And as though that weren’t bad enough, she was the one who ordered people who tested positive for COVID-19 into nursing homes, where they became surrounded by people especially susceptible to fatalities through complications. If you still haven’t figured out why that’s stupid, just read that last sentence again until you figure it out. No reader left behind!

With her new position of power, Rachel can be expected to spew intersectional propaganda under the guise of science, while shaping the medical world to the image of a sexual proclamation that only about 0.5% of people identify with, alienating the remaining 99.5% of people who are better in touch with reality.

Additionally, Biden wishes to impose 100 days of mask-wearing on all Americans, as though the results would be any different from the previous 300 days of doing the same.

Biden also wants to stick the arms of 100 million Americans (just under 1/3 of the population) with a vaccine that might actually cause sterilization, in under 100 days.

Incidentally, the vaccine manufacturer has been indemnified against claims of harmful side effects. Suspicious?

As creepy as all this is, ol’ sleepy Joe hasn’t even been inaugurated, yet.

A man pretending to be a woman is now one of the most powerful physicians on earth. Dark days are ahead for the medical world.

TWAT News: Woman Betrays Family Over Her Own Sexuality

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Most of us would know that betraying one’s own family is an enormous no-no, so I don’t have to labor that point.

But it seems like not everyone is on the same page, because a Massachusetts woman outed her own family after discovering an online video of them from the capitol siege.

Her decision came after she was criticized by her family for her sexuality, and for wanting to participate in the BLM riots peaceful protests, probably because something about the rampant destruction civil protests made her feel left out.

Notice how she speaks of her decision as though it was hard on her:

“It was an emotional thing to decide to do this but at the same time if I did nothing I was, I felt that I was as bad as them,”

Helena Duke

Oh, how hard it must have been on Helena to cause her family members to face possible criminal charges, and may have even cost her mother her job.

But at least she got something out of the deal, and that’s the feeling of self-satisfaction that comes with standing up for her freedom to get it on with a woman, even though she was a grown woman, and could make her own choices with her life, anyhow.

I’ve heard that Helena has since raised some money on crowdfunding. At this point, I think it’s clear that she could use as much help as she could get. After all, she betrayed her family, so unless she already has the means to support herself, she likely has a long future of being a drain on society ahead of her.

If you’re thinking of befriending her, you might want to be careful about that. To understand why, pay close attention to something she already said:

“It was an emotional thing to decide to do this but at the same time if I did nothing I was, I felt that I was as bad as them,“

Helena Duke, bold added

As bad as it is that she has treachery against her own family in her history, like many leftists, Helena Duke believes in guilt by association. If you slip up around her even slightly, she’ll feel an obligation to turn against you too, out of self-preservation.

We’ve been warned lately that the left eats their own. We can take their word for it when they warn us about it themselves.

Legacy media seems to be sticking up for Helena, and at this point, I doubt I’d be fooling very many people if I were to pretend to be surprised. If leftist institutions and their followers are in collective agreement that betraying family is okay, and they’re open about it, we can at least thank them for being up-front about their real values.

TWAT News: Child Spends Over $16,000 on Sonic the Hedgehog Cell Phone App

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I don’t know how a person could justify spending over $10,000 on a cell phone app. At the least, I’d prefer something as awesome as summoning a team of scantily-clad ninja maids into my home.

A Connecticut kid knows what he’d want, and that’s a bunch of imaginary rings in a Sonic the Hedgehog game. To this end, he racked up over $16,000 in charges to his parent’s credit card. By the time his parents had figured out what was going on, Apple would refuse their refund request by reason of the amount of time that had passed since the purchases were made.

As I see it, there should have been some kind of flag that would be triggered if a person attempts to spend that kind of money on something so vapid, which would prompt contacting by a real-life agent who would determine whether the purchase was being made from a sound state of mind in an effort to protect the would-be purchaser from himself.

“Are you aware, sir, that the kind of money you could be using to buy a car you are instead attempting to spend on rings in a Sonic app?” -some underpaid CS rep

“yeah i wanna get rings” -some kid with bubble gum in his shoe laces

Of course, the parents have some responsibility. They gave a kid a tablet without monitoring his activities, and apparently, the parental settings weren’t activated while the kid had access to the parents’ credit card information. It’s likely the kid wasn’t aware that real-life money was being spent.

In a sense, gamers themselves have played a part in getting gaming to the point of predatory micro-transactions. For decades, we’ve been playing pirated video games on emulators for free, and many of us have developed the idea that video games should be free. Game makers attempted the free-to-play model in an effort to stay competitive, but explored alternative revenue models, leading to games with advertisements and pay-to-win competitive elements.

As I see it, micro-transactions are a legitimate way for game-makers to make money, provided the practice is done ethically. That’s a bit of a grey area, but as I see it, it’s valid to purchase something of purely entertainment value, even if it means not ending up with something of physical substance. The same reasoning is used to attend movies and sporting events.

Having said that, I think there’s a point in which it’s difficult to justify making a purchase. I know of a restaurant that once offered a million-dollar dessert called Strawberries Arnaud. Even considering the diamond engagement ring included with the dessert, what’s the justification for spending $1,000,000 on it?

I suppose that’s a question for those with the means to afford it.

A kid who was left alone with a tablet racked up thousands of dollars in debt over a Sonic game. What a time to be alive.

A man in his twenties drew this.

TWAT News: AOC Offers $58 “Tax the Rich” Sweatshirt

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For all the bluster we hear out of the hard left, they don’t know much about how to run a society. While they can be vexing, we sometimes get a kick out of how gutsy they can be.

Such as when Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) includes among her merch a sweatshirt with the phrase “Tax the Rich”, and then charged $58 for it.

The irony of the fact that you’d have to be rich to spend that kind of money on a sweatshirt isn’t lost on the connected world, who is subjecting this sloppy offering to the fiery lampooning it so richly merits.

Who exactly is this shirt for, if it’s target demographic couldn’t afford it? If you are where I was ten years ago, it would take you two weeks to afford this thing, and that’s if you didn’t eat anything.

It’s not new that those who most insist on running society today are clueless when it comes to the basics of kitchen-table economics. More recently, they have shown us that they have no idea how to manage funds when they run low other than to extract more from the people who actually work for a living.

It would seem that today’s politicians have discovered a new, creative way to extract money: with their own merchandise. It may even be a more effective way to fundraise, as it would enable yet more cash flow from those underemployed twenty-somethings whose main source of income is hitting up mom and dad.

What a clever way to benefit off of capitalism while sticking it to capitalism, AOC. Your integrity is evident.

A fool and his money are soon parted.

TWAT News: Prince Harry Implies Beer-Virus a Punishment From Mother Nature

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If the idea of a human-led monarchy didn’t have its flaws, there wouldn’t have been much call for todays constitutional governments. For example, if an absolute monarch was completely out of touch with reality, there would be little expectation of a prosperous society.

So, when royalty such as Prince Harry suggests that the novel coronavirus is a punishment from a nature deity, that really makes one grateful for the Magna Carta, and its enduring legacy.

That’s just what happened; Prince Harry suggested that COVID-19 was Mother Nature’s way of punishing people for being so mean to the environment.

That’s really interesting, because I had the idea that the virus originated in China, either from a filthy wet-market, or from incompetence in a bio-research lab, and the Chinese Communist Party isn’t being open about it because they’re famously unreliable when it comes to anything that can make them look bad (also, they don’t understand how to run a society, which makes the CCP like every communist ever).

Harry then went on to make the case that people should do more to benefit the environment, complete with inane analogies and obtuse non-sequitors. Among these was comparing people to raindrops.

I don’t know, and I don’t care to try to interpret just what he was attempting to say. What I do know is that Prince Harry has a political ideology that goes after ordinary members of the population to recycle every last plastic bottle, in spite of the fact that households produce only about 1% of recyclable waste. But that did nothing to stop him from purchasing a sprawling estate, like other environmentalists such as Barack Obama and Bob Dole, enjoying having as many as 16 bathrooms in these estates. Of course, the fact that these people buy private jets doesn’t mean they’re not opinionated about you driving a car and eating real beef.

You know, the ol’ rules for thee, but not for me.

Nature worshippers, including those who treat “Mother Nature” as a literal personal entity, are living a collective delusion. A person can learn a lot about nature just by reading a guide on how to identify edible plants. In so doing, a person would learn that a day in the woods is not like a trip to the supermarket. The fact is, nature doesn’t give a care about us, not nearly enough to make it easy to tell the difference between a plant that lets us live another day or poisons a person dead.

It’s because of this that the human relationship with nature is one of mistrust, and as soon as we developed the capability to subdue it, we were right to do so.

There is something about neo-environmentalism that’s unsettling, and that’s the creepy undertone that views humans as the bad guy, or that the growth of the human population is something to respond to with tighter top-down controls, with deference to the will of wealthy coastal technocrats, moral authoritarians, and the other unsavory forms of scientism. While they have no problem with telling the rest of us how to live our lives, one simple question makes them disintegrate like vampires in daylight:

If you think this is such a good idea, why aren’t you doing it?

Odds are it’s because the political elites don’t want to live in one-bedroom apartments, subsisting on cheap pasta and taking mass-transit to work a minimum-wage job. Political elites like Prince Harry, Barack Obama, and Bob Dole consume immensely more than the average ordinary human being living today, and they prefer to keep it that way.

I wonder whether Greta Thunberg is aware that this is the case? Maybe that girl should be more careful about who she plays with.

So, how about it, hyper-rich environmentalists? Why not be the change you want to see, if it means anyone will take you seriously? What’s stopping you? It’s obvious what the answer is, and that’s that you still want more than the average person.

So, here’s an idea: let’s reward a person proportionately based on their contributions to society. That way, a person would have more if they earn it, based on what they do. If this were the system that were in place, then how would you justify having more than someone else?

Hard question? I’ll go first. I produce circuit boards that have defense and aerospace applications. What I do is difficult to become qualified to do, with about two-thirds of those who attempt the degree failing or dropping out. What I do, without question, makes the world a better place. I want a house, a couple cars, and the means to support a family well in excess of the replacement rate. I’ve earned it.

So, what does the typical hyper-rich environmentalist do? It’s not so much a question of whether they work for a living as it is whether they’ve worked at all. In fact, if people stopped paying taxes, they wouldn’t have any income. Outside of foreign energy investments, just ask Hunter Biden.

The coronavirus epidemic has been played for political purposes, and a nature deity had been brought into it. That Was Actually The News.