Category Archives: TWAT News

TWAT News: Hair Dye Banter Keeps Morons Busy While Grown-ups Are Talking

Hair gel, in one of the many forms recognizable by those who maintain their appearance.

It used to be that you’d have to go to the trouble of fishing out the keys, jingle them, then you let the kids play with them. This distraction buys a surprising amount of time to accomplish something that the kids have no idea is significant, like signing a lease or paying for the food that they end up eating.

Today, you don’t have to do anything, because they are easier to amuse than they’ve ever been.

This is the inescapable conclusion that millions of adults have come to after an RNC press conference in which Rudy Giuliani’s “hair dye” came dripping down, at which point their 17-year-old Minecraft savants took to Twitter to shoot inanities into a digital abyss.

For adults, it’s a sobering moment, as they realize that once these Fortnite legends grow up, they’ll be in a position to change society, and evidently, there’s almost every chance they’ll screw it up. For parents, it’s even worse, as it’s becoming increasingly difficult to deny that these half-wits came from their own genetic material.

On the bright side, they got to do something fun with their genitals nearly two decades ago.

TWAT News: PA Governor Wants You To Wear Masks In Homes

It used to be that if something was too stupid to be true, it probably was. But this is the year 2020.

In a move that would have had him declared eugenically unfit a century ago, Pennsylvania governor Tom Wolf has laid out new coronavirus rules, including for wearing a mask in your house.

Pennsylvanians, you voted in someone you should never have.

In addition, they are asking that those entering the state be tested within 72 hours, or self-quarantine for two weeks. However, there’s no plan to enforce this measure, which means it may as well not exist.

For those who may be curious, Pennsylvania pretty much despises Tom Wolf. So much so, that someone put up a billboard along the turnpike that says something like, “Don’t blame me, I voted for (someone else).” To understand the spite behind this, consider the fact that the PA governor chair won’t be on the ballot for another couple years, and Wolf is on his last consecutive term.

Someone bought a billboard just to say that Wolf is doing a terrible job.

Governors such as Tom Wolf are becoming more invasive in their demands. It used to be that calling a Democrat an authoritarian was a snarl word, but they are now literally living up to it.

On the bright side, defying Tom Wolf has never been more simple.

That Was Actually The news.

TWAT News: Burger King recommending McDonald’s?!

It would seem like the Coronavirus Apocalypse is getting serious, because now Burger King is recommending eating at McDonald’s in an effort to keep the fast food industry going.

If you’re like me, then you’ve been eating at home more lately, or just eating healthier in general, as it’s much less expensive than dining out. Of course, I’ve been downing ramen lately, which isn’t the healthiest thing around, but is inexpensive, and accessible.

It would seem like the fast food industry is feeling the pinch. There aren’t many Burger Kings in my neighborhood, and the one I’ve visited on the way to church has closed down since the onset of the Coronavirus Apocalypse. Not that I’m feeling especially bad for the fast food industry, considering the tricks that they play to keep people addicted, which includes adding sugar to their food, as Subway does with their bread.

As an article from BoredPanda pointed out, not everyone was buying the corporate shilling. As commenters on Twitter duly noted, it’s smaller businesses that more desperately need attention. They have a point, considering that it’s the small businesses that were hit the hardest during the lockdowns, with some of them closing down, never to open again. In fact, during the lockdowns, it was big business that was better off, especially with less competition from smaller business.

People are going to big box stores like Walmart and Target, getting more in fewer stops in an effort to limit travel. People who aren’t leaving their homes are ordering through sites like Amazon. Are these the kinds of businesses that need help?

Yet, people are finding it more difficult to frequent smaller businesses, as many of us have lost our jobs, and others still are squeamish to spend lots of money, considering that more lockdowns might be in the near future, and it’s hard to predict what some state governors might do.

When it comes to food, I’ve taken an interest in shelf-stable items, including canned food, flour, rice, dried beans, and even ramen. I even have some food left from one of those Auguson Farms buckets, which has simple-to-prepare food items that can last on the shelf for years. What I got was mostly cheap, and has the potential to last a little while, which can help in the event that things get challenging. It’s not a bad idea to secure some of these items while they’re still relatively easy to find.

When facing the possibility to fighting for your life, fast food loses much of its appeal. But it wasn’t so much the virus that brought us to this point as it was the response to it.

Burger King recommended McDonald’s. That Was Actually The news.

TWAT News: Interrupting the President

Legacy media is a regular fountainhead of misinformation. So imagine my shock when they interrupt the President of the United States to accuse him of misinformation, and then proceed to fact-check the alleged misinformation.

The following video is an example of one media outlet, MSNBS MSNBC, doing just that:

This video was posted back on the 5th, but seeing as I’m one of the growing number of Americans that distrust corporate televised news media, I didn’t become aware of it until days later.

Ideally, when corporate media does its job, it fact-checks a speaker after he’s finished speaking, not before. However, MSNBC apparently decided to defenestrate this notion, joining it to the desiccated corpse of their journalistic integrity thrown about the landscape of their corporate offices.

That, coupled with the undisguised disdain from the host, indicates that there’s something about what President Trump said that got under their skin.

Considering that legacy media spent years stuck on a Russian collusion conspiracy theory which alleged that Russians tampered with the 2016 Presidential election, which turned out to be completely false and had no supporting evidence, it’s interesting that they have anything to say about what they consider misinformation coming from President Trump, and they didn’t even wait for him to finish speaking.

Corporate televised news misses the days when they held the monopoly on information. But then the internet happened, and people were no longer like hamsters going to the same feeder. Nowadays, televised news mainly preys on vulnerable adults.

If anything, the corporate news media should be cheering Trump for reelection. This is because much of their material for the past few years has been over him, and if Trump is no longer in the White House, they’d have to start doing some real journalism. And no, that doesn’t mean commenting on what’s trending on Twitter. If anyone cared what was happening on Twitter, they’d check out Twitter.

Because legacy media thinks it’s cool to interrupt the President when he’s speaking, they shouldn’t have a problem with us interrupting them by listening to Joe Rogan or Tim Pool, instead.

TWAT News: Jeffrey Toobin Caught DIYing During Teleconference

(Disclaimer: Ladies, you might wanna skip this one. Consider yourselves warned.)

Jeffrey Toobin, a CNN analyst, contributer to The New Yorker, and award-winning author for his coverage of the O.J. Simpson trial, was suspended from his job at The New Yorker and is on a leave of absence from CNN after an embarrassing teleconference mishap on Zoom, when he believed his colleagues couldn’t see him.

He was doing a DIY pickle-tickle.

What he didn’t know was that his activity was being transmitted. Not only that, it seemed like he, for some reason, angled his camera down to the scene of the action. Unaware to Toobin, the other Zoom callers could see him jerkin’ his gherkin.

Speaking to Vice, Toobin said, “I apologize to my wife, family, friends and co-workers.”

Especially to his co-workers, I imagine, who got a glimpse of his yogurt cannon. But hold on, he’s married? So he could’ve had assistance? But hey, maybe she was away, and Toobin didn’t want to walk maybe a couple blocks to the nearest rub-and-tug joint.

Toobin added, “I thought I had muted the Zoom video.”

Now Toobin is the latest lefty, joining ranks with Anthony Wiener, who couldn’t properly operate the basic features of popular software, and accidentally transmitted a rooster selfie.

Speaking of O.J. Simpson, he had the following to say about the matter on Twitter:

“Daaaaamn, Jeffrey Toobin. At least Pee-Wee Herman was in an X-rated movie theater. ‘I’m just saying.”

Natch, legacy media is doing what they can to keep this story buried, as is the case with Hunter Biden’s hyper-incriminating lappy.

Is this really That Was Actually The News? It’s more like Can’t Omit Creepy Kooks News.

TWAT News: Subway Bread as Candy

From Subway.com

A franchisee for Subway sought an exemption from an Irish “value added tax” on Subway’s bread. The Supreme Court of Ireland heard the case and decided that due to the concentration of sugar in the bread, Subway’s bread does not meet the legal criteria to be considered “bread”.

According to Irish law, for a baked good to be considered bread, the flour mixture must contain no more than 2% of the combination of fat, sugar, and bread improver. The flour mixture of Subway bread is 10% sugar, according to the Irish Supreme Court.

Wait, how much sugar is in Subway bread? Ten percent?

With its “Eat Fresh” slogan, Subway markets itself as a healthier fast food choice, while offering chips and fountain drinks on top of its hyper-sugary sandwiches. We should, of course, be skeptical of any fast food joint that makes the claim of being healthier, considering their practice of adding sugar to their offerings because they’re aware of the effect sugar has on people’s better judgment.

It would appear as though Subway isn’t above the usual fast food tactics that keep people coming back, as the sugar content of their “bread” is so high, the Irish don’t classify it as bread, but as a “baked good”.

But while we’re discussing the classification of Subway’s “bread”, here’s an idea: we can classify it as candy. After all, Subway’s bread contains a high volume of sugar, and it requires heating to take it’s shape.

If we were to classify Subway’s bread as candy, it would better inform consumers as to the health benefits of the confection, and health-conscious diners can make their choices accordingly.

So the Irish Supreme Court found that Subway’s candy-bread is not technically bread. That Was Actually The news.

TWAT News: Socialism Statement at WalMart Backfires

stupid facemasks.pngIt’s like they’re being smothered in stupid.

You likely did Nazi this coming, but a Minnesota couple’s political statement backfired in an amazing way during a trip to Walmart. The couple decided to protest the prospect of a Joe Biden presidency by wearing Swastika face masks.

“I’m not a Nazi. I’m trying to show you what’s going to happen in America. If you vote for Biden, you’re going to be in Nazi Germany. That’s what it’s going to be like.” said the woman in the mask.

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It is possible to be both smart and stupid at the same time. In this case, both people were smart enough to know that Nazism was a form of socialism, but stupid enough that it did not occur to either of them how their stunt could backfire.

Think about that: at any step along the way, from the point of having the idea to seeing it through, it did not occur to either of the two how their anti-Biden statement could backfire. One of them came up with the idea, and the other didn’t immediately shoot it down. From then to the point that they went to the store, either one could have had second thoughts.

But then, after the first person at Walmart questioned them about their masks, upon being made to see reason, at least one of them could have said, “This is stupid.” and at least turn their mask inside-out or something.

But no, they continued to justify their ridiculous statement, as though they still believed it the most brilliant idea in the world, overlooking the fact that we live in a culture pulled about by overly-sensitive imbeciles. One of them even proceeded to taunt anyone who would challenge their statement:

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The two actually managed to get banned from Walmart locations nationwide for a year. Quite an accomplishment, considering Walmart shoppers’ inherent diversity in the spectrum of intellectual luminosity.

That Was Actually The news, but sometimes it takes a long, sustained insistence in a poor choice to make it happen.

TWAT News: Killer Coronavirus of Evil Death Murders People

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Now that the George Floyd riots are no longer fitting the narrative, it’s time for corporate media to revert to what they already know scares morons. Are they still called the George Floyd riots? They seem like they’re knocking historic statues down, regardless of their side in American history. What’s more, the CHAZ “summer of love” police-free dealie quickly devolved into violence, resulting in deaths. See what I mean? Violent rioters, when left to their own devices, get difficult to spin.

So, it’s back to the coronavirus, with death counts that continually climb. Because of course they do. Think about what it would take for those numbers to decrease. But then, if some came back from a coronavirus death, would that make them a coronavirus zombie? Zombies have already been written into nightly news stories to appeal to the stoner market. Think of how the ratings would skyrocket with coronavirus zombies.

The novel coronavirus, as you may know, is an emerging virus that causes COVID-19, which is mainly characterized by a mild, short-lived cough, but usually there are no symptoms at all. The virus is suspiciously only a danger to people already being killed by something else, with death rates comparable to that of the common flu. In response, leaders the world over have enacted lockdowns and restrictions on the general population which have had a catastrophic impact on an economy that took decades to build up, destroying the lives and livelihoods of countless people, resulting in a surge in suicides (meanwhile, the leaders behind these choices are blissfully insulated from the destruction they themselves caused).

Presidential candidate Joe Biden recently stated his intention to mandate face masks in public by executive order. Face masks, as has been long known, increases levels of cortisol in those who habitually wear them. Cortisol is known as the “stress hormone”, which at high enough levels suppresses the immune response, making people more susceptible to recurring infections. Oh wait, that’s counterproductive.

Speaking of counterproductive, bringing up the coronavirus again is only going to remind us ordinary people of how badly Democrat leaders pulverized society in a massive overreaction, further cementing our decisions to not elect them. Having said that, it’s apparent that Biden has the moron vote and watch-the-world-burn vote, and the growing do-as-you’re-told-because-science vote.

Oh man, I’m glad that liquor stores are open again. I’m also glad that nearby grocery stores are no longer enforcing one-way aisles or face masks. It’s as though people are figuring something out.

They’re trying to distract us from the riots with some coronavirus scare stories. That Was Actually The news.

TWAT News: The MAGA Kids and the Crime of Smiling

DxUVqgZWsAET6_n.jpgThe smile that drove millions of leftists insane.

There are still ongoing developments surrounding the MAGA kids incident, but the dust is beginning to settle, and what’s becoming apparent is a whopper of an indictment against corporate news outlets and leftist-controlled social media.

What it comes down to is that a group of kids showed up to a confrontation already in progress, and smiled at the ridiculousness that was taking place. Afterwards, the leftist elements of social media and the corporate mainstream information media went full-tilt to smear the children, because they hate Trump and the MAGA (Make America Great Again) hats that the children were wearing.

As the institutional leftist shills would have you believe, the kids were committing a hate crime by provoking a native American during a confrontation. If you’re interested in knowing what really happened, I did manage to find a full video of the incident. If you’re not up for watching it, that’s understandable, considering that the video is over an hour and 40 minutes long. But if you’re interested in seeing the involvement of the MAGA kids, skip to 1:12:00, as the video poster suggests.

The video starts with an argument between the Black Israelites and Native Americans concerning which of the two are the true Israelites. That last sentence is a doozy, so go ahead and read it again and allow it to sink in just what we’re dealing with.

If you’re wondering who the Black Israelites are, they’re a group of professing Jews that make a point of saying that the Israelites were actually black (while ignoring all the genetic information we have concerning who belongs to Israel and Judah). While I know that not everyone in the group is like the ones in the video, some of their most passionate members are among the most insufferable people in the religious landscape.

Somehow, I get the idea that throwing taunts at people in the street is not how you’re supposed to demonstrate that you’re a model nation. The moment that I saw that Black Israel was involved and taunting people in traditional garb, I strongly suspected that the video wasn’t going to show us the best of humanity.

But things got more interesting when a group of Catholic students happened to be nearby, and they were planning on attending an anti-abortion rally while wearing MAGA hats.

The Native Americans that were present attempted to de-escalate the situation by singing while beating on drums. That’s good on them. While this was going on, the MAGA kids (as they would come be known) just looked on and smiled, even as the Native Americans went right up to them.

And, that was it. They just smiled. Could anyone blame them? It had to have occurred to them just then the sheer ridiculousness of what was taking place. There was a group of Black Israelites proudly boasting of their professed heritage. There was also a group of singing and dancing Native Americans playing instruments. And they themselves were schoolkids in MAGA hats that just happened to be there on the way to an anti-abortion rally. Even in Washington DC, one would have a hard time finding a more ridiculous scene.

But apparently, something about school kids in MAGA hats with big, beaming smiles rubbed the leftist shills in social media the wrong way, because they went full-on cray-cray trying to smear them by (what else) accusing them of committing a hate crime.

Suddenly, the blue checkmark typicals joined forces and proceeded to dox a bunch of kids in an effort to threaten their school into expelling them and ruin their career prospects for just happening to be somewhere and not harm anyone. All because they didn’t like their hats.

Among those participating in the doxing was a former contributor to Vanity Fair, Kurt Eichenwald, who stated that the kids should be denied work “in perpetuity”, and in an effort to make it easy to identify (and harass) the kids, he shared photos of them on his Twitter account.

The thing about the leftist media is that they have something to prove. They face the ongoing threat of the internet and social media driving them into obsolescence. So, they dove right in and joined in the smear campaign.

Now, why would we expect something like investigative journalism from an outdated media outlet that mainly caters to old people and kids that don’t know any better?

Nathan Phillips was one of the Native Americans in the video shown playing the drum in one kid’s face. The corporate media made sure we knew that he was a Marine Corps veteran. According to Phillips, the kids were repeatedly chanting, “Build that wall, build that wall.”

That’s interesting, because we have video of the confrontation above, and that didn’t happen. Oops. Now, it’s coming to light that Nathan Phillips has misrepresented his military service, as reported by the Washington Post.

So, a bunch of kids in MAGA hats are being smeared and threatened and libeled all over the place, and all anyone has to go on are the claims of a proven liar?

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Watching old media backpeddle in real time is quite refreshing. In fact, an article on Yahoo News courtesy of The Wrap pretty much admitted that the students did nothing but stand there and offer no disrespect. The Native Americans didn’t do any harm, either. If anything, they were attempting to defuse a situation. It’s evident that the real bad guys were the Black Israelites, who themselves were the ones throwing out the racist rhetoric.

In fact, if you want to see who the real violent and hateful people in the confrontation were, go to 11:55 in the video (link goes right there). That’s a sampling of their threats and verbal abuse. What kind of religious language is that?

I don’t own a MAGA hat. But you know something? I’m actually considering getting one.

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It’s become an expression of solidarity with those who have been slandered on social media and libeled by the press. Institutional leftism has gone full-on to try to shame a bunch of kids just for wearing these hats, and the outcome is that the hats themselves look far more attractive.

Apparently, smiling while wearing one of these hats is what it takes to get a Disney producer to threaten you with a wood chipper. A Disney producer. Complete with an image of someone being stuffed into a wood chipper. Congrats to these kids for being able to draw that out of a producer who works for a company that makes family entertainment.

I really don’t know how to follow that up. Seems like an interesting place to end the article. I know that 2019 is just getting started, but leftism is going to have to work pretty hard to outdo themselves.

TWAT News: Student faces expulsion over math sign

root sign.png

The symbol above is called a radical, also known as a “square root”. In mathematics, it along with the radicand represents a number which, when multiplied by itself, gives a product equal to the radicand, the radicand being the number within the radical.

What’s really radical is that police were called and an Alabama student faces expulsion because he made a joke about the radical looking like a gun.

The guy is pretty far from the only one who liked to have some fun with math by making things out to be something else. One example that I think we’re probably all familiar with is what we get when we punch the quantity “80085” into our calculators. Alternatively, one can instead punch in “58008” and look at it upside-down.

A lesser known example is the female appearance of the number one, especially when it’s stylized and placed in parentheses:

congratulations, it's a she.pngHot stuff.

Or this popular example, which takes a little calculus:

integral

This next one is popular among the more metal mathematicians:

sigma.png

Being immature with math and numbers really isn’t anything new, but this would be the first time I’ve heard of someone getting in trouble for it, with even the police getting involved.

This story is being passed around as an example of how people are becoming overly sensitive, particularly as relates to the causes of various left-wing fringe groups. Otherwise, it’s hard to imagine anyone calling the cops over a math symbol.

While most media outlets reporting on this story say that the student’s home was searched, there is a variant of this story going around which states that the student’s home wasn’t searched. It’s not a bad idea to have at least two or three sources of information on news stories, especially if at least one of those sources has an apparent political bias. Though avoiding political bias in the news is nearly impossible, a different perspective can help when otherwise, there’d be another aspect to a story you might have missed.

A student got in trouble over a math symbol. That Was Actually The News.