When I was staying in a dorm in college, there was a time when the fire alarm went off. This time was different, as the alarm wasn’t going off during a designated drill time, it was instead going off in the middle of the night. What’s more, there was the smell of smoke, indicating that this time, it was something serious.

As my fellow students calmly filed out past the flashing lights and into the parking lot, we eagerly waited and watched as the fire department arrived, and assessed the situation. Minutes later, the culprit was found: a bag of burnt popcorn that was left to cook in a lounge microwave. And along with it, a guilty party: a man who confessed to leaving the popcorn to burn, as a prank.

I’m not sure what became of the guy, but from my understanding, he had a choice: He could either admit that he carelessly forgot about the popcorn, leaving it to burn unattended, or he could confess to pulling a prank. He went with “prank”. What became of him? It might be that he got off easy. We could have been more vindictive, considering that it was finals week, and many of us had spent a chunk of the day studying.

When given the choice between whether to appear malicious or to appear stupid, the student decided to go with appearing malicious. Whether it was the case or not, his choice was understandable; no one wants to appear stupid. While malice may be criminal in one sense, stupidity suggests a defectiveness that’s much more difficult to condition out of a person, and it comes with a stigma that few people would want, barring the rare instance in which a person might somehow benefit from it.

Then there’s New York representative Jamaal Bowman. He’d be the guy who pulled a fire alarm right before the House voted to keep the government funded for another 45 days.

Now, I know what you might be thinking: “This sounds like an obvious attempt to disrupt a House in session! Isn’t that a felony?” And it is, but you see, according to Jamaal himself, he pulled the fire alarm accidentally, because he was in such a hurry to go vote!

Democrat Rep. Jamaal Bowman says he still stands by his statement that he pulled the fire alarm in the Capitol complex by accident:

"I don't know why this has gotten so much attention. I was literally just in a rush to go vote, man! That's all it was!" pic.twitter.com/Lq38tL90J8

— RNC Research (@RNCResearch) October 2, 2023

Now, I’m not a congressman, but I have my doubts that when you’re in a hurry to go vote, you rush up to a double door that’s clearly indicated as an emergency exit, with signs such as this one resting on the handles:

Then turn to the fire alarm, the very one pictured here, which clearly says “FIRE” in capital letters:

Then follow the instructions on the fire alarm to activate it, then scurry away.

As you would naturally expect, we have an attempt at damage control, straight from the desk and sound mind of Jamaal Bowman:

Because, you know, even though his actions were caught on tape, and what he was doing was as clear as day, Jamaal Bowman wants us to know that we’re the ones who are confused. And being the champion of truth and justice that he is, he’s naturally the one to step forward to let us know not to believe our lying eyes.

You see, he came up to this door that he expected to be open, even though it was clearly designated an emergency exit. He was confused that the emergency exit was not open as he expected. So, he activated the fire alarm, expecting that doing so would open the door that he would then promptly run away from. And, just so you know, he’s sorry that you’re confused.

When given the choice between malice and stupidity, Jamaal Bowman went with stupidity. But he has a problem. Actually two problems, one of them being that no one believes him. Okay, maybe someone does, but I don’t envy that person at all. The main problem that I wanted to focus on is that, between malice and stupidity, both are disqualifying in Jamaal’s case.

On the one hand, he committed a crime, deliberately disrupting a House proceeding in progress with a false emergency, or on the other, he is so stupid that he doesn’t comprehend the proper use of a fire alarm, and therefore cannot be expected to function as an elected representative.

So, which one does Jamaal Bowman want to go with? It seems as though he has made up his mind. But in any case, it’s not a good look.

Maybe Jamaal can consider it a sort of compliment that no one thinks that he’s as dumb as he says he is.