Muhammad died slowly, painfully, and miserably.

Also, ironically.

When you think of groups of people who Muhammad disserviced the most, two groups come to mind: women, and the Jewish people. They’d both get their revenge.

Muhammad had committed genocide against multiple Jewish tribes and settlements. Many men were killed, children enslaved, and women became sex slaves.

One female Jewish survivor was tasked with preparing a meal for Muhammad.

I’m going to admit that being a megalomaniac is outside my area of expertise. But I think it’s pretty obvious that you’re not supposed to trust your professed enemies to prepare food for you, especially after you give them plenty of reason to hate your guts.

Because bad things could happen to your guts. Bad things.

Also, I think that that thought goes together well with the common sense advice that you don’t upset the person who cooks for you.

So, a Jewish woman who saw her community ravaged, her husband probably killed, and her children probably taken away from her, has a poison on hand, and an opportunity to prepare a meal for the person who destroyed her entire life. And she knows just what cut of lamb that he likes best.

And it’s an opportunity that she took.

Muhammad and his friends began feasting. One of them didn’t begin until he saw Muhammad begin, because he trusted him. As with so many others, his trust was misplaced.

When Muhammad tasted something funny, he demanded that everyone stop eating, saying that the food told him that it was poisoned.

This would have been more impressive if the food would have told him that before he started eating it.

Muhammad had the chef called in, and asked her to explain herself. Her explanation was that, if he were a prophet, the poison would have killed him, but if he were a king, then her people would have been rid of him.

Ready for a surprise? Muhammad forgave her. Yes, really. Except, not really. When one of Muhammad’s men, who also ate from the same meal, had died, Muhammad rescinded his forgiveness, and had the woman put to death.

But ultimately, the poison would kill Muhammad. But it took years for it to happen. And as the poison worked away at Muhammad’s system, he was in worsening pain by reason of the complications.

Some might point out that it probably wasn’t the poison that killed him. Some attribute his death to a fever. But Muhammad himself attributed his worsening condition to the poison.

It’s the inclination of Muslims to believe their prophet. But if they do that, they admit that their prophet was killed by a Jewish woman. Or they can decide not to, but why stop there when they can disbelieve many of his other ridiculous claims?

In the ancient world, it was considered humiliating for a man to be killed by a woman. Because of this, it might be difficult for Muslims to accept the way that their own prophet died. But would they disbelieve the claim made by their own prophet?

Because of this, Muhammad’s death puts Muslims in a difficult spot. They could accept the humiliating way Muhammad died because he said that that’s how he died, accepting this humiliation as an indelible feature of their religion, or they could disbelieve him, and risk losing their status as Muslims.

Over the course of years, Muhammad’s condition got worse. He was in such pain that he required the help of two men to carry him about.

Speaking of his pain, Muhammad complained that it felt like his aorta had been severed. This is interesting, because Muhammad had previously said that if he was lying, then his aorta would be severed. While it’s possible that he meant this as a colloquialism for a great amount of pain, there’s still a lot of potential in that phrase to be interpreted in a way that’s disfavorable to Muhammad.

But is that really needed considering that he was a false prophet, traitor, oath breaker, rapist, child molester, torturer, and on, and on…

Muhammad turned to folk remedies, such as cumin, to no avail.

In his desperation, Muhammad turned to blowing on knots. This was a form of sorcery where a knot was formed which represented one’s illness, and the act of undoing it by blowing it undone has been said by practitioners to cure the illness. As you might expect, it didn’t work.

Practicing sorcery is a huge no-no. It’s been forbidden by Abrahamic religions. Even Islam forbids it. But Muhammad practiced sorcery by blowing on knots. He was supposed to be Islam’s greatest prophet (an easy hurtle to clear, considering that he was Islam’s only prophet). Was he disqualified by his own religion? More than he already was?

But then, Muhammad claimed to have another visit from the angel, Gabriel. According to Muhammad, Gabriel told him that he wouldn’t die. We know how reliable Muhammad’s visions are, don’t we?

Muhammad would die days later. At his request, he would die in the company of his favorite wife, Aisha.

Muhammad didn’t anticipate his death, so he didn’t appoint a successor. He likely realized that if he did, the successor would have a motivation to assassinate him. And Muhammad probably didn’t care what would become of his empire after his own death.

In the days to come, those close to Muhammad would jockey for control of the caliphate, a battle that would continue in the centuries to come in the form of the Sunni/Shia divide. It’s a divide that’s so bitter that some Muslims consider one another infidels. Part of the reason why Islam hasn’t spread further than it could have is because Muslims have been divided against themselves.

One might imagine that Muhammad would go to heaven in his own religion. But in reality, Muhammad was unsure of his own salvation. And he didn’t die in battle, meaning that he wouldn’t have gotten the special 72 virgins treatment.

This is the reason why Muslims frequently append Muhammad’s name with the phrase “peace be upon him”. Even though he was supposed to be his religion’s greatest (actually, only) prophet, his religion might have still condemned him to hell.

In Christianity, there’s more than one kind of salvation, and they are provided for mankind. One is a spiritual salvation, preserving us from the eternal punishment for our sins, and another is a physical salvation, where the Messiah intervenes in a future time to prevent humanity from destroying itself. Both forms of salvation are undeserved. And considering the kinds of ideologies, including religions, that humans have invented, we definitely need a savior.

The legacy of Muhammad has been a legacy of terror, violence, and bloodshed, overlaid with suffocating legalism and mind-numbing ritual. If you’ve learned a few things about Muhammad, you’ve learned that he’s not worth believing in, and that the religion that he invented is the way it is because of him.

Muhammad was truly one of history’s worst people.

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