Khadija was certainly a very interesting woman. She was a wealthy businesswoman, which is already unusual for her time and place. But what’s more, she was the wealthiest businesswoman in Arabia during her time. So, it stands to reason that she’d know an opportunity when she saw one.

It would appear that the marriage between Muhammad and Khadija was a happy one, though there was an age difference between them. As Muhammad would demonstrate later, age was just a number to him.

Khadija was wealthy and supportive, a combination of attributes which likely played an important role in Muhammad’s influence in his early years claiming to be a prophet.

Prior to this, Muhammad frequently went to caves to pray, which was probably not unusual. But one day, things would change.

Muhammad had his first vision when he was 40. According to Muhammad, while he was praying in a cave, he was visited by an angel who wrestled him to the ground, sat on his chest, and forced him to read from a scroll. Problem was, Muhammad was illiterate, and therefore couldn’t read. This ordeal occurred two more times, before Muhammad got up and ran from the cave.

Now, does repeatedly wrestling a man to the ground and forcing him to do something that he didn’t know how to do seem angelic? Probably not, so it was understandable that Muhammad was terrified that he might have been demon possessed, and ran home scared out of his mind, and hid under sheets.

It seems obvious that Muhammad fell asleep while praying, and had a nightmare. It’s not unusual for dreams to have elements that are culturally significant to the dreamer, including dreams that are religious in nature for those who are religious. While dreams are not fully understood, they are generally considered to be subconscious representations of one’s subliminal fears and desires. What’s more, the theme of having one’s chest pressed upon is common in those experiencing night terrors.

But would a man in 7th century Arabia be expected to know that? In Muhammad’s case, no. So he thought that he had demons. At a later point, he would assert that it was an angel that he saw, when he claimed to be a prophet and therefore would have something to gain from presenting it as such.

Khadija, being supportive, tried reassuring Muhammad. She got creative about it. One of the things she did was she started stripping and sitting down close to Muhammad, reasoning that if the spirit that Muhammad saw gave the couple privacy, it would be an angel rather than a demon. Thus, as she progressively removed her clothing and drew close to Muhammad, she asked him whether he still saw the spirit. Eventually, at some point during her routine, he said that he no longer saw it.

However, the sight of the elderly woman’s striptease apparently didn’t reassure Muhammad. However, Khadija had one more trick up her sleeve. She would take Muhammad to the only Christian in town, a blind man named Waraqa, for a phony endorsement. Muhammad described his dream to Waraqa, after which, Waraqa told Muhammad that it meant that he would be a great prophet like Moses.

For those unfamiliar with the Bible: Waraqa lied.

I suspect that Khadija had paid or otherwise incentivized Waraqa into making the endorsement. But days after making it, Waraqa died.

There’s a reason why Khadija went to great lengths to reassure her husband: he was suicidal. Since the cave vision, Muhammad had considered suicide, and had nearly attempted it more than once.

It’s not an unusual belief that the Biblical prophets were hesitant about their callings. However, Muhammad really leaned into that. It would be years after the cave vision that he finally started preaching.

When he did, the themes were perdition in the form of hell fire, in an apparent effort to scare up some believers. He would go on and on about the kinds of graphically-described punishments that await those who didn’t become one of his followers.

But while Muhammad had numerous listeners, for a while, he was scant on followers. It was as though people showed up just to hear a schizophrenic man ramble about hell because it amused them.

But Muhammad did have one follower: his own wife, Khadija.

Khadija was likely aware that her husband’s prophethood was all a hoax. After all, it was her who tried to reassure her husband with a visit Waraqa, which may have been a collaborative ruse on their parts. Even if Muhammad’s prophethood originated from the imagination of Waraqa, Khadija likely just went along with it with the businesswoman side of herself seeing the potential profit from a prophet ploy. And because the towns pantheon was a scam that benefitted the Quraysh, it’s easy to see where she would’ve gotten the idea from.

Speaking of, the Quraysh didn’t object to Muhammad’s preaching, even as his monotheism challenged their own polytheism. Mecca was already visited by people from monotheistic religions, so they had an established history of tolerance. Besides, as they saw it, if Muhammad started preaching, that meant more religion in town, which they saw as the town’s main business.

After a while, Muhammad gained a convert, Ali. But his conversation didn’t inspire much confidence, as he was described as having the widest waist in town, and the skinniest legs. Comically unfit.

Initially, Muhammad won followers at a snail’s pace. Rather than appealing to a sense of purpose and value, like many leaders do, Muhammad tried to scare up some followers with graphic descriptions of hell. Normally, threatening people into your religion doesn’t work unless you have force to back it up. But let’s not read that far ahead, just yet.

The Quraysh didn’t like that Muhammad was regularly committing blasphemy against every god in their pantheon except one, but they didn’t seem upset enough to do anything about it. This was odd, considering that one might expect a people, particularly their priests, to get upset that someone was bad-mouthing their religion.

Among Muhammad’s claims was that the three daughters of the pantheon, Al Lat, Manat, and Al Uzza, were black girls. Because Muhammad was racist, he probably saw this as a way to bring them down. He also said that they were clothing-challenged. If he were to take a trip to Greece, he would’ve met a number of people who wouldn’t have cared.

What did upset the Quraysh was Muhammad’s claim that their ancestors were burning in hell because they weren’t Muslims, members of Muhammad’s religion. For the Quraysh, this was intolerable. To make the optics worse, Muhammad himself was Qurayshi. His own disregard for his own ancestors only made him look worse.

But as Muhammad gained more followers, he could afford to become more belligerent. And though his affluent uncle, Abu Talib, disagreed with much of what Muhammad taught, Muhammad nonetheless enjoyed the protection that came with association with him.

It all started with Khadija, an elderly wife who, in comforting her younger husband who had a nightmare, decided to take Muhammad to Waraqa, who gave him a fake endorsement of prophethood. She herself was a bit of an anomaly, a wealthy businesswoman in a male-dominated society. However, she was not long out of the grave, and would therefore not live to see just how many women would be shackled by reason of her own religion, a religion that some have gone as far as to say that she had converted her husband to.

There hasn’t been another woman like her.

Muhammad would certainly miss her. And by “miss”, I mean “replace”. Muhammad would remarry. But his second wife, Sauda, wouldn’t remain to Muhammad’s liking. She got fat. Which Muhammad eventually would too, which his increasing wealth would allow. But that didn’t matter as much to Muhammad as the fact that Sauda was fat.

Sauda agreed to surrender some of her marital privileges in exchange for allowing her to remain married. So yeah, Muhammad threatened to divorce one of his wives because she got fat.

To get a little into Muhammad’s family life, by the time Muhammad died, he had a total of 26 wives, with as many as 11 at a time. This is in excess of the Islamic limit of 4 wives per male, but Muhammad manufactured a special revelation granting himself, and only himself, an exception. This was in addition to the number of sex slaves Muhammad had, which he placed no limit on, for himself or other males.

One might imagine the sheer number of babies that Muhammad had. One. Just one. A daughter by the name of Fatima.

In the ancient world, some considered it an indignity to have only daughters. And worse for Muhammad, it was only one, after having a total of 26 wives.

Some of the indignity that was against Muhammad was self-inflicted, by reason of one of his teachings. While on a raid, Muhammad told his men not to worry about coitus-interruptus as they were going about raping, saying that Allah had already determined every human being who would ever be born. So, does this mean that Allah decided that his favorite prophet only got one child, a daughter?

It’s clear that the problem wasn’t on some collective infertility on the the parts of Muhammad’s wives. It seemed the problem was with Muhammad. He had impotence. And he was so insecure about it that he ordered his wives to wear full-body coverings, fearing that other men might take his wives away.

That’s right: the whole reason why Muslim women cover themselves all over as they go outside was because one insecure man had difficulty getting it up.

Returning to the point in the story where we left off, Sauda was not Muhammad’s favorite wife. That would be Aisha. The one who was 6 years old when Muhammad married her, and was 9 when the marriage was consummated. Because they used lunar years without intercalary months, she may have been slightly younger than that.

Not only did Muhammad enjoy his time with her, he claimed to have received revelations during that time. In which they were engaged in intimacy. That vomiting sound you just heard was probably you.

So far, this series has depicted Muhammad in such a negative light, that you might guess that much of it was made up. But the biographies of Muhammad confirm that he did these very things. But why would the official Islamic materials depict Muhammad so negatively?

Perhaps they were authored by hostile sources.

For centuries, the Islamic materials, including the Quran, were transmitted orally. It wasn’t until after Persia was conquered that they decided to collect all the verbal accounts that made up the life of Muhammad, and his Quran. The Persians were probably a little salty about having been conquered by Muslims, which would have motivated them to present Islam and Mohammed as negatively as they could get away with.

It is foolish to go centuries with the primary form of information retention and transmission being verbal and through memory. To illustrate this point, you might remember the children’s game of telephone. It has children sitting in a semi-circle. Something is whispered into the ear of the child on one end. That child then whispers what they heard into the ear of the next kid. This continues, until the kid on the other end has something whispered to them, after which, the child says what they heard.

Usually, what the child says is far different from what the first child had whispered to them.

Now, imagine that game being played over the course of centuries, over many miles, participated in by many different tribes, before the decision was made to finally compile what was being said in writing.

It’s quite possible that the Muhammad that really was was far different from the Muhammad that Islam teaches about, or simply didn’t exist. If that was the case, then Islam is wrong about Muhammad. But if the Islamic sources are right about Muhammad, then Muhammad was demented. Either one is not great for Islam.

So, who are we criticizing, today? Whether real or imagined, that would be the Muhammad that Muslims believe in. Because that’s the Muhammad whose religion is destroying the world today, and if not fought back against, it will wipe out humanity.

More to come.

Back to Part 1

To Part 3

Normally, when you hear that someone is a child molester, you couldn’t think worse of him.

Such people are among the worst criminals, to the point that even other prisoners can’t stand their company. You might even be skeptical of the claim, because it sounds like the kind of thing a person would say if they wanted to make a person look as bad as possible, in as few words as possible.

But if you were to first hear that a person was a murderer, a rapist, a torturer, committed genocide, practiced sorcery, made many, many false prophecies, committed treason, broke promises, plundered the defenseless, called for assassinations (which were then carried out)…

…And on, and on, and on…

…If you were to finally hear that he was also a child molester, you might say, “Oh, that figures. Considering everything else he did, is that really a surprise?”

The topic of this article was a human being who was so bad, that it makes me wish I could talk to the first human being, Adam, so I could ask him, “Why did you do it? If you didn’t eat that fruit, none of this would have happened.”

The topic would be the only prophet of the Islamic religion: Muhammad.

There is a certain danger that comes with criticizing anything Islamic. It’s not that the limp-wristed simps who carry water for Islam will call you a racist or a bigot. We’re past the point of caring whether anyone calls anyone such things, anyway. The real danger is that Muslims might straight-up try to murder you. Because when you’re not well suited to reason, then violence is probably more your thing.

And yet, it’s got to be done. After all, Islam is not worth believing in, and should therefore be subjected to the ridicule it merits, so the low-IQ among us who might otherwise gravitate towards it would know not to, even if for self-preservation.

Thus, I’m making fun of the only prophet who cared to share that he had erectile dysfunction, not just for having the condition, but also so fewer people might view the floppy rapist as an exemplar of human conduct.

I intend to criticize Islam to a pulp. And what better place to start than the one man around whom the entire religion revolves?

To get started, let’s go back to before he was even born.

To set the stage, Bedouin Arabia was a difficult place to live in. The resources in the Arabian desert were so scarce that people devoted much of their time and energy into surviving, rather than developing artistically, philosophically, or scientifically.

When conflicts broke out, they often resolved by simple reason of the fact that there were few resources for a prolonged conflict. Because the stakes were so high, tribesmen often made decisions which favored their tribes in particular, rather than Arabians in general, which resulted in a certain apathy for outsiders which persists among their descendents today, and among those who practice the religion that arose from their midst.

Surrounding empires had little reason to invade, as the desert’s scant resources wouldn’t have been worth the bloodshed. Thus, the Arabians prior to Islam were not integrated into a larger empire, and thus couldn’t more directly benefit from their developments.

There were a few trade routes going through Arabia. But the land was so hostile that many travelers have opted to make their trips around Arabia, rather than through it.

The people of the desert, the Arabs, were generally polytheistic, and there were numerous pantheons located in populated areas in the desert. Among these cities was Mecca, which housed the Kaaba. Because trade routes intersected by Mecca, it was a popular stop for people of many religions, which would eventually result in Muhammad having access to a lot of material which he would plagiarize.

The Kaaba venerated about 360 deities, the chief of which was the masculine moon deity, Allah. Each of these deities was represented by a rock idol, with Allah’s rock idol being a black stone, which possibly fell from space.

Muhammad would claim that the reason why Allah’s stone was black was because it was touched by menstruating women. If the rock is contaminated, then isn’t it a problem that it’s been touched by many millions of Muslims? Also, it would be bad news for Muslims if that rock became a vector of a contagious disease.

Mecca was inhabited by the Quraysh tribe, among which was Muhammad’s grandfather, who was the custodian of the Kaaba.

One day, he said something stupid. Because he was afraid that he might lose an upcoming battle, he prayed for victory. But in that prayer, he made a promise: that if he won, and if he had a tenth son, he would offer his son as a sacrifice at the Kaaba.

The battle ended in victory, but Muhammad’s granddaddy wouldn’t have to worry about his promise unless he actually had a tenth son.

Which he did. And that son was the one who would help conceive the worst prophet in the history of the universe.

But rather than give up his son, Big Mo’s grandpap sought a way out. And it was decided that arrows would be cast for the boy, until the arrows favored him, with an offering of at least one camel in his place. Each time they were against him, the offering of camels increased. Presumably, the odds of each cast was basically a coin flip, equal chance for each.

Except, the arrows were against the boy, ten times in a row. To get an idea of just how rare this is, try flipping heads on coin flips ten times in a row. Or better yet, don’t. The odds of getting heads ten times in a row is 1 in 1024.

Imagine what it was like to be the boy who was watching in horror as he was condemned to death, over and over again, during a practice which was intended to make it possible to spare his life. He probably thought that Allah wanted him dead.

When the time came to finally slaughter the camels, the priests did nothing to forbid any wild beast from eating them by reason of how many camels were slaughtered.

Muhammad’s granddaddy was so happy that his boy was saved that he married his boy to the daughter of a chief of another tribe. Which was actually kind of a big deal, because such marriages were usually made to strengthen treaties. But because it was an arranged marriage, love probably had little to do with it.

Now that that spectacle is over, the next part is pretty sad. Muhammad had a sucky childhood, which probably went a long way in making him into the asshole he ended up becoming. But we’re talking about a child molester who committed lots of other horrendous crimes, so let’s not trick ourselves into feeling bad for him.

Muhammad never got to meet his dad. While his mother was still carrying him, Muhammad’s dad died while out on a trip. Seems like Allah didn’t do much to keep him alive after the feast of camels.

It seems like being the grandson of the Kaaba’s custodian and the grandson of a tribal chief didn’t count for much in Mecca, because Muhammad’s mom was in such poverty that she put her son up for adoption. And of the batch of kids that Muhammad was a part of, he was the one selected last. And the wet nurse who selected him already had a child, and couldn’t produce enough milk for two children.

Thus, the infant Muhammad had to spend many nights crying himself to sleep in hunger.

Though I’m criticizing Islam to a pulp, it’s not all funny. Believe me, it’s not all funny.

According to Muhammad, a significant event occurred when he was a child while he was out playing with the other children. As he was doing this, he was allegedly visited by a couple angels, who wrestled him to the ground and tore his chest open. This understandably terrified the other children, who ran away screaming to adults that Muhammad had just been murdered.

But these angels were surgeons, and their deal was that Muhammad had a small black speck of malice in his heart, which they had to open him up to get out. And having found it, they sealed the boy back up, leaving only a small mark on his chest.

Apparently, these angelic surgeons didn’t know what they were doing, because according to Muhammad, two more angelic surgeons would visit Muhammad as an adult, and they would perform the same surgery for the same purpose.

Considering the crimes that Muhammad would go on to commit, I’m surprised that Muhammad didn’t sue them for malpractice.

It might not surprise you to find out that it didn’t happen that way. It’s more likely that he had a seizure while out playing. His adoptive wet nurse took Muhammad back to his mother, saying that she believed that Muhammad had a demon, and that she didn’t have the money to care for him if the same thing were to happen again.

Then Muhammad’s mom died while he was a few years old. Which is another one of those things which isn’t funny.

For years, Muhammad would pinball from one relative to another, including a brief stint with an old relative who was so fond of little Muhammad, that he would pet him while they were sitting on his bed. Certainly creepy. But he would soon die too, leaving the boy to move on to the next relative.

To have bounced from one caretaker to another must have been traumatizing for the little boy, especially considering that some of them died. This likely played a huge role in how Muhammad would value interpersonal relationships. And with all the death that surrounded Muhammad, some Meccans might have developed the belief that the boy was cursed.

In time, Muhammad would finally settle into a more permanent abode, with his uncle, Abu Talib.

Under the care of Abu Talib, Muhammad’s life immensely improved. Abu Talib was influential, and relatively affluent. He would train the boy in his camel herding business, which likely resulted in Muhammad being immensely more respected as a contributing member of the community.

When he was 25, Muhammad caught the attention of a wealthy businesswoman by the name of Khadija. She was 15 years his senior, but that didn’t discourage her from becoming Muhammad’s cougar. An intergenerational marriage isn’t necessarily wrong, but it probably played a role in his thinking with his later marriages, with a far greater age difference with at least one of them.

Khadija was afraid that her dad would object. With her marriage to Muhammad hinging on his approval, the couple hatched a plan: to ply Khadija’s dad with alcohol, then have him give his blessing when he was drunk.

It’s kinda odd that the religion which Muhammad would later invent would disallow grown-up drinks, considering that without them, Muhammad would have been cranking it solo.

Because Mecca was situated by a 4-way trade route intersection, Muhammad would have had the opportunity to meet many different people with many different religious ideas that he could later plagiarize. Some would even travel to the Kaaba to worship, even if their respective religions would have prohibited such idolatry. Such hypocrisy likely influenced Muhammad’s perspective on religion. Particularly, whether it would be acceptable to compromise where he stood to benefit.

Perhaps the most profound such meeting would have been with Zayd, a Yemeni whose religion was Hanifism. His ideas probably impressed upon Muhammad more strongly than any other traveler he had seen, as many elements of Zayd’s Hanifism would later make it into Muhammad’s Islam.

If you’ve never heard of Hanifism, here’s a brief rundown: it was a religion that claimed to be Abrahamic, but wasn’t strongly similar to Judaism or Christianity. They probably didn’t even concern themselves much with what the Scriptures may have said. They were monotheistic, honoring a god named Al Rahman. They also tended to be highly judgemental towards those outside their own faith, particularly towards Jews and Christians, who they referred to with phrases similar to “those against whom Al Rahman is indignant” (likely in an attempt to maintain plausible deniability in the event they are called out for it).

In fact, Hanif prayers were often recitals made in rhyming prose, and among them is a prayer repeated several times in one prayer, several times a day. Which, in that sense, sounds exactly like the Islamic prayer.

When Muhammad met Zayd, Muhammad was carrying some meat from an offering he made at the Kaaba. Zayd was hungry, so Muhammad offered him some meat to eat, but Zayd refused upon learning that the meat was previously offered to an idol (which is consistent with Abrahamic religions). Muhammad was impressed by this, and learned about Hanifism from him.

Interestingly, the name that Muhammad would use for his own god when he would later begin his own religion in Mecca was Al Rahman, the name of the Hanif god. It would appear as though when Muhammad made up his own religion, he might have partially converted to Hanifism. It wouldn’t be until his later exile to Medina that Muhammad would primary use the name Allah when referring to his own god.

While Muhammad had acquired religious ideas from many different religious sources, that alone wouldn’t spawn the religious ideology that would condemn billions. However, it was after the chance meeting with the Hanif that would come the spark that would light the fire that would destroy many.

END OF PART ONE.

To Part 2

The dust is settling over the LDS church attack that occurred on Sunday. With what’s known about the attacker, I’ll go ahead and make some sounds about it.

But before getting into it, there’s something that I sometimes do when it comes to people who commit particularly infamous crimes: strip them of their old name and brand them with a new one. The guilty party behind the Michigan LDS church attack was previously known as Jake Sanford.

His new name is Dork Dynasty.

On Sunday morning, Dork Dynasty, a 40-year-old Iraq War veteran, rammed his pickup truck into an LDS church, and afterwards got out and began firing on church attendees, while setting fire to the building with the aid of an accellerant. Police showed up and put an end to the rampage, as well as Dork Dynasty himself.

Currently, there are four known fatalities, eight injured, and the LDS building itself was a total loss. Because the LDS is rich, they probably don’t care much about the building.

As for what could have motivated the attacker, leftists behaved predictably. The moment that a MAGA sign was spotted in his yard, and American flags were spotted on his truck, they were all like, “Look! Right-wing violence! That’s gotta be it!” They then plugged their ears and hummed loudly, insisting on hearing no more. Because after incident followed by incident of recent left-wing violence, in their minds, they needed a singular incident of right-wing violence to convince themselves that the other side does it, too.

I could easily debunk them, but who would I really be convincing? No one believes that this was political violence, including the people who say it was. Except the ones who do, who would probably max all their credit cards for NFTs, if left unsupervised.

Interestingly, a politician recalled meeting Dork Dynasty prior to the attack while canvassing. He said that he recalled that his conversation with Dork Dynasty started mundane, but Dork Dynasty pivoted to the Mormon church and what he saw as wrong with them. The politician said that at that point in the conversation, he didn’t know how to answer in a way that was safe, knowing that with this kind of person, it can be difficult to tell what response can set them off.

When I heard this, I felt glad that I no longer work in grocery or retail, or with the general public.

He went on to say that when he saw the attacker’s face on TV, he recognized him as the person he had spoken to, days prior.

Here’s the video:

While the actions of Dork Dynasty were messed up, let’s be honest about the Mormon religion. Mormonism is messed up. But there’s a wrong way to deal with it, and there’s a right way.

Dork Dynasty showed us the wrong way, which enables the victimizing ideology to position itself as the victim, which they can use to present themselves as martyrs, with all the optics that comes with an ideology of martyrs. Considering the huge boost that conservatism got from the martyrdom of Charlie Kirk, Dork Dynasty should have known better.

At this point, even people whose primary source of information is state media are hearing about who Charlie Kirk was.

A better way of defeating Mormonism is by telling people what they really believe, and not just the sugar-coated version that’s presented by Mormons themselves.

For example, I heard about a guy who was considering Mormonism, but then took his own life. When his father asked whether they believed his son was in Heaven, they told him no, but that he was burning in Hell because he took his own life. That may be a belief that they sincerely have, but it’s a messed up thing to tell a grieving family.

I suspect that if Mormonism didn’t tell their members such a thing, that may have become one of the main reasons that the Mormons would have lost members. Because death is better than being in that cult.

If people were more discerning, the writings of Joseph Smith would have all the theological significance of Sonichu.

But as for Dork Dynasty, he’s dead now.

Back to Walkthrough Menu

Back to Part 8: White Whistle

The Steam and PSN versions have achievements and trophies respectively. They seem to be the same in both versions. The following is a list of trophies, with the secret ones on the bottom of the list.

There are 32 trophies, total. A huge chunk of these you can get by playing the game as normal, without going out of your way, and the rest aren’t huge trouble. So, this isn’t a bad game for farming trophies.

Binary Star (Platinum)
Obtain all trophies.

Start of a Legend (Bronze)
Clear HELLO ABYSS.
This would be the Riko-oriented mode which was optional as of version 1.0.3.

Red Whistle (Bronze)
Become a Red Whistle.
You know how some games award you a trophy just for showing up? Here’s the one for this game.

Blue Whistle (Bronze)
Become a Blue Whistle.

Moon Whistle (Bronze)
Become a Moon Whistle.

Black Whistle (Bronze)
Become a Black Whistle.

Last Dive (Silver)
Clear DEEP IN ABYSS.
This is for beating the game.

The Edge of the Abyss (Bronze)
Reach the first layer for the first time.
This can be considered a second “showing up” trophy.

Forest of Temptation (Bronze)
Reach the second layer for the first time.

The Great Fault (Silver)
Reach the third layer for the first time.

Goblets of Giants (Silver)
Reach the fourth layer for the first time.

Sea of Corpses (Gold)
Reach the fifth layer for the first time.

Abyss Master (Gold)
Visit over 40 stages.
A stage would be an area that the layers are divided into. Waterfall Gondola is an example of a stage that’s in the first layer. I counted 47 stages, total. If you’ve been playing the game as normal, then near the end, you should be most of the way there. An unvisited stage is noted as “???” on the map screen. Faded gates indicate entrances to unvisited stages on maps that connect to them.

Cave Raider Chef (Bronze)
Cook a dish for the first time.

Cave Raider Craftsman (Bronze)
Craft something for the first time.

Cave Raider Investigator-in-Training (Bronze)
Collected Information with the Monocular for the first time.

First Step (Bronze)
Obtained Relic for the first time.

Tier 4 Relic (Bronze)
Collected 10 Relics.

Tier 3 Relic (Bronze)
Collected 50 Relics.

Tier 2 Relic (Silver)
Collected 100 Relics.

Tier 1 Relic (Gold)
Collected 200 Relics.

Trainee Cave Raider (Bronze)
Learn a new skill for the first time.
By now, you’ve probably noticed that most of these are trivially simple to get.

Full-Fledged Cave Raider (Bronze)
Unlocked 10 Skills.

Artisan Cave Raider (Silver)
Unlocked 30 Skills.

Netherworld Star (Gold)
Unlocked 50 Skills.
The earliest you can pull this off is as a Moon Whistle at level 51, but if you go for it at Moon Whistle, as you may be spending points on skills that you might not prefer. It’s better to wait for Black Whistle or White Whistle, and develop skills that you might prefer to have sooner.

Trials of the Abyss (Bronze)
Be affected by ascension strains.

Completely Cursed (Silver)
Suffer the 1st to 5th layer’s strains.
If you’ve lost track of which layer’s strains Aki has taken, just go through the five layers in this game, one at a time, and trigger them. You can climb, walk up slopes, or simply rapidly jump in place.

There are 5 secret trophies. If you’re not sure what trophy you’re missing, it’s probably one of these.

White Whistle (Silver)
Become a White Whistle.
What’s that? You’ve become a legendary cave raider? Silver trophy!

Connected by the Abyss (Silver)
Clear Riko’s episode.
This refers to a questline involving Riko in the 4th layer, covered in the Moon Whistle Part 2 part of this guide.

Not Yet, Not Now… (Silver)
Clear Reg’s episode.
This questline become available in the Goblets of Giants in the 4th layer, after becoming a White Whistle.

My Own White Whistle… (Gold)
Defeat Detchuanga.
This optional boss is available in Sandy Ice Area 1 in the 5th layer in the post-game after obtaining a White Whistle.

Nnaaa… (Silver)
Receive Nanachi’s best dish review.
Sometimes, Nanachi asks for something to eat. Hamashirama Pot gets the best reaction out of her. You get the recipe for Hamashirama Pot for clearing a quest that’s available from Laffi when you’re a Black Whistle.

Other Random Things

Scanning the Sakawatari
The Sakawatari is probably the most challenging Notebook scan. It’s a huge bird located in Twin Falls in the first layer, and you can scan it after you get the Telescope, which is available after you get the Moon Whistle. It’s recommended that you bring a few ropes, some food that restores blue energy from climbing, and a supply of torches and/or smoke signals.

The Sakawatari can only be scanned from atop one of two pillars in Twin Falls, which takes some time to get to, and takes a lot of climbing. If it takes you a while to get atop one of the pillars, small primeval creatures will start to spawn in, and might interrupt you while scanning. If this is a problem, either light a torch or a smoke signal, and put it on the ground. If a torch, the small birds will be drawn to the light, and will leave you alone (unless you’re still holding it). The smoke signals are even better for driving away the small birds, as they’ll drive them away, allowing you to scan the Sakawatari undisturbed.

The Sakawatari flies in a large circle, and spends much of the time outside the range of even the 10x setting. But if you attempt to scan while keeping it in sight with your Telescope, you’ll start scanning when it comes into range, and as you continue scanning, you can get its Notebook entry before it leaves range.

As far as Notebook entries go, it’s pretty cool, and one that the game makes you earn.

The Patchwork Hat
I mention this, not because it’s a great item, but because many players are likely unaware that this item exists. You know how Shiggy gives you quests to either slay specific primeval creatures or show him relics? The Patchwork Hat is your prize for completing all these quests. I think many players just quit these quests at the one that has you slay an End Jumper, either because they don’t know what an End Jumper is, or because they are located on a cliff in the third layer, where the endeavor could be dangerous by reason of Madokajacks. By the time you reach the 5th layer, you’ll be able to finish up each of these quests.

As for the Patchwork Hat, it’s terrible. Sure, it’s not heavy, but its defense is low, and it doesn’t have a light, but you can put 3 equips on it. It’s largely just a trophy item to keep in the chest. But you can equip it if you want to, and you’ll have earned it.

The United States has just gotten involved in the conflict in Iran, striking several key nuclear sites. Among these was the famous Fordow site located deep underground, necessitating the use of the B2 Spirit bombers, which are uniquely suited to delivering the famous “MOP” bunker buster, capable of burrowing deep underground to deliver its business.

There’s no question that this strike made the world a far safer place, as it deprived the Ayatollah of the nuclear munitions that he undoubtedly would have eagerly deployed against nations such as the United States and Israel, both of whom he frequently wished death upon.

However, this move faced pushback from the more pacifistic elements of the MAGA movement, who stated that they voted for Trump believing that he would have been more hesitant to get the US involved in foreign conflicts. While it wouldn’t surprise me if an examination of their digital footprints were to reveal that they are actually Pakistanis who don’t live in the US, assuming that they do, an examination of their convictions reveals that they don’t have a strong understanding of how the world works, nor have they given much thought to the philosophical bases behind their convictions.

On the bright side, they seem to change their viewpoints somewhat when you attempt to reason with them, which makes them much better than most of the people who I take issue with.

It also gives me an opportunity to make a point that I’ve wanted to make for a long time: That freedom of speech does not protect all forms of speech.

I say this as a strongly free speech kinda guy. You want to make a video game where the protagonist commits outrageous crimes? That’s protected speech. Want to draw comics of fictional characters committing graphic acts of violence? Also protected speech. It might not be according to my taste, but it’s free expression.

Those on the right tend more towards free speech absolutism. It seems largely to come from the idea that having free speech means saying whatever you want, which is pretty much a reductive perspective that they tell elementary school students because there’s less expectation that they’d understand the more nuanced aspects of the matter.

Is defamation a form of protected free expression? No, it is not. It can damage a person’s reputation and cost them opportunities. If it can be proven that defamation has caused damages, the person who committed it can be taken to civil court.

Let’s get closer to the heart of the matter. Are threats of harm a protected form of expression? No, they are not. A person’s freedom ceases to be their freedom when it interferes with the freedom of another, including the right of a person to be secure in their person or their property.

To illustrate, here’s a story: Suppose you lived in a neighborhood, and you’ve made a few friends there. However, there’s one person there who doesn’t like you. Let’s call him “Loose Cannon”.

One day, Loose comes up to you and tells you that he wishes you dead. He doesn’t just say it to you, he also says it to your neighbors, particularly the ones who you’re friends with. But, no one in the neighborhood thinks much of this because Loose is only 5 feet tall, has a poorly-maintained beard, and bows, kneels, and scrapes to some rock idol in the middle of a desert five times a day. There’s no expectation that Loose can do much of anything.

And it’s not a one-time thing, either. Loose keeps wishing you and your friends dead, day after day for years on end. And you and your friends keep brushing him off. He seems sincere in his hatred, but his words don’t seem threatening coming from him.

But then, matters escalate significantly. Eventually, Loose comes up to you and tells you that he’s going to buy a rifle, and use it to shoot you and your family and your friends. Quite alarming. He then runs off.

Minutes later, one of your friends calls you and tells you that Loose just said the same thing to him, and that Loose had just gotten into his car to go to the gun shop. Highly actionable information.

Just then, you look out the window, and you see Loose driving down the street. Not only that, one of your friends had just shot out his tires. Seeing an opportunity, you and your friend immediately subdue Loose, performing a citizen’s arrest.

While a citizen’s arrest is legally risky, the police do arrive and take Loose away, leaving the neighborhood much safer thanks to you and your friend’s efforts. A job well done, to be sure.

But then, one of your neighbors starts yelling at you. Let’s call him “Limpy Smallpart”. Limpy starts yelling at you and your friend for not resolving the matter more peacefully. He points out that Loose had some grievance that should have been heard, and that if he did have a rifle, he would have been in a better position to negotiate.

You probably wouldn’t take Limpy seriously. Because of course you wouldn’t. You and your neighbor return to your respective homes, all while Limpy shouts himself silly. Then Limpy, being upset that no one is paying attention to him, turns to social media and makes memes about how you suck off your neighbor, to an audience of exactly one who believes in conspiracy theories too stupid to make into movies.

While the legality of the actions of the characters in this story can be debated, there’s no question that you and your neighbor would have acted morally in recognizing a threat of impending harm and responding by mitigating that threat.

Now, take this story and multiply it in scale by millions of times, and you should be able to comprehend why the United States and Israel were moral and responsible in how they responded to the Iranian regime, who has been making repeated threats against the United States and Israel, and have been continually attacking Israel through proxies such as Hamas, Hezbollah, and the Houthis, and have been attempting to secretly develop nuclear arms.

Notice how no other country on the planet is coming to Iran’s defense? That’s because it’s obvious how irrational that the Ayatollah is being. And the fact is, no one wants another nuclear weapon to be detonated, especially not in a central location like the eastern Mediterranean.

While I could lay into the pacifistic MAGA, what keeps them from being idiots is that they actually do seem to change their perspective when they realize a few things about how the world works (admittedly, the world isn’t ideal), and that the Iranian regime is the kind that cannot truly be reasoned with.

To the end of increasing understanding, there are a couple things I could point out. First, that the United States is as prosperous as it is because it’s a hegemonic power. When you realize this, many of their foreign policy decisions start to make a lot more sense. It also makes it more clear why Americans eat as well as they do. But when it comes down to it, the world at large has benefitted pretty heavily from the US’s superpower status, including those who they’ve previously conquered. The US has opened up sea lanes to just about everyone, which has been great for global trade. Germany and Japan’s best days came after practically becoming vassal states for the US. While the US can be called an empire, it’s a hugely benevolent empire. If the US were to turn isolationist, other nations would rise to attempt to fill the power void, resulting in global conflict, and it’s highly likely that a less moral nation would assume the vacated position of hegemonic authority. At that point, Americans would likely learn a few things about Russia and China.

Second, it’s naive to think that western values are universal. People in the Middle East actually do take their respective religions seriously, enough so that they allow their religions to have an effect on the way that they live. This is quite eye-opening to the Western world, which largely professes Christianity, but follows philosophical concepts and days of observance which don’t have Biblical origins. As for Iran, only about 30% of Iranians are practicing Muslims, but the entire country is being controlled by a small cadre of religious fanatics who consider it to be their religious duty to fight against Christians and Jews. Most of the Islamic world is not as fanatical as the Ayatollah, and to trust him with a nuclear bomb is like… trusting the Ayatollah with a nuclear bomb. Something as comparably stupid does not come readily to mind. You cannot reason with the Ayatollah unless you know what motivates him, and if you’re a rational person, you’re motivated by different things than he is. And even if you do know what motivates him, you still cannot reason with him.

But thankfully, the irresponsibly pacifistic are not in a position to make decisions on the global stage, and the world is far safer for having the Ayatollah’s nuclear ambitions subverted. And it’s not really necessary for everyone to understand this. If it’s your thing to sit on the sofa and pretend that you’re standing for something, you benefitted from the US’s decision, whether you know it or not.

But one thing that I think most of us can agree on is that we’re better off for not having Kamala Harris being the one issuing the orders.

Invitation in hand, the young man approached the door. On the other side, it was the banquet to which he was invited. But as he neared the door, his expectations steadily dropped, until the moment that he pulled back on the handle, and upon crossing from the sunlit expanse to the florescent illumination of the liminal space, all speculation came to an end.

It was surreal. An expanse of tables. Empty tables. No food, no chairs, and no people at all in the noiseless hall. Not so much as the murmuring of a hypothetical event staff in another room, or the stirring of busy caterers. Just silence, and, eerily enough, not so much as a scent, save for the lingering scent of the surfactants used in the building’s maintenance.

The young man’s attention turned again to the flier in his hand, specifically, the date and time thereon. He then confirmed with his watch that he was there at the right time, and the right date. And the location was correct, this rural hall with only the subtlest signs that anyone had recently been there.

The young man’s attention was drawn towards the only movement in the room, the fans hanging from beams on the high ceiling, a scarce circuitous movement on the lowest setting.

The young man was very aware of the sound of his own footsteps as he turned back towards the door, for to peek his head outside. As it was upon his arrival, his was the only vehicle in the parking lot. Complete silence told him that there were no other vehicles around that might have been approaching.

Back inside again, the young man’s gaze rested on an empty table. He knew that it was a meaningless exercise to remain for a few minutes more, save for to cynically claim that he did. His mind drifted to the time that it took him to get to that very event. Precious time. Time he would not get back.

In another world, this might have been where the people were. Connections would be made, and the courses of lives would change. But there was none of that here.

He had no idea how he knew that he would be the only human being who would set foot in that building for the duration of the event, but somehow, he was certain of it. The young man had his hopes. But no one else cared, not even those who organized the event. Not even they bothered to come, or so much as set out some donuts or coffee.

This was no ordinary disappointment. The young man knew that he would remember this event for a long time.

He turned his attention to the invitation in his hand. It was printed on a single thin sheet of eight-by-eleven office paper. And it wasn’t worth that much.

So, he set the invitation on one of the many empty tables, turned around, and went right back out the door, to leave as he entered, completely alone. And as he did so, he made a determination.

If he wasn’t going to find what he was looking for there, he would go to those who have it.

There is a problem in the influencer sphere, and the launch of the Switch 2 has made it clear. I’m not putting a specific influencer on blast, considering that this is a problem that’s not limited to just one. Perhaps you can think of some examples. But what I’m getting at is that many influencers out there, perhaps most, aren’t even real.

If you’ve been following along with the Switch 2, it’s likely that you’ve seen a few influencers find one problem or another with the system. One of them in particular has gone on to say that they wouldn’t even purchase one.

But he did. And not just him, but numerous other influencers who likewise spoke of the hybrid console as though it were the worst console in their lifetime.

Obviously, these people didn’t believe what they said. These people are disingenuous. And the reason why these people act as disingenuously as they do is because they are incentivized by the algorithm.

The fact is that the algorithm tends to promote negativity in its many forms. Did you get recommended a short video of a fistfight that broke out in a bodega? Or a list of mistakes that were made by a multinational corporation? Or did you stare with indignation at a confrontation with an obvious imbalance of power?

That’s the algorithm pushing negativity onto you. But it doesn’t do so for no reason. In fact, the algorithm itself isn’t capable of malice on its own. Putting aside that the algorithm could be used as a tool to further an agenda (and, let’s be honest, we’ve seen plenty of that), the algorithm is like a mirror turned back at us, showing people content that is likely to hold their attention, considering not only the content that an individual has already engaged with, but also in consideration of the tendency of typical human psychology.

To get right down to it, humanity has a negativity problem, with the recommendations from algorithms being a second order effect of this problem. And because of this second order effect, influencers have an incentive to produce negative content, raking in ad revenue for having done so, and contributing to the problem.

There’s a strong chance that your favorite influencer is not real.

And it’s not just about the newest game console. Political streamers also know that there’s money involved, and they want some of it. And to this end, they’ll dehumanize their political opponents with the most pejorative adjectives, flavored with the buzz words that they know will get a response. Not because they believe it, but because they can make a few bucks, and they don’t give a shit who they turn against each other.

There are other kinds of influencers who game the system in this way, but political streamers are among the most notable offenders.

If you want a strong indicator of who’s sincere, it’s likely the people who are swimming against the stream of the algorithms, and against whatever is the prevailing zeitgeist of the agencies who manage online talent as a business. And speaking of, these corporate talent agencies have long been a source of self-censorship in social media. In the V-Tuber space, for example, indie V-Tubers are a better source of sincerety than the corporate ones that have been shackled with the golden handcuffs. Corporate influencers are the ones who have to look over their shoulders to be sure they’re not saying something against the values of their agency or its network of advertisers. And their respective agencies “reward” them by scraping away their revenue. Because who needs ethics when you can just legally steal money from people who actually produce value?

Considering all this, I’ve come to the point of finding forced negativity in social media cringy, especially when it’s obviously coming from a place of incentive rather than sincerety or just humor.

But it’s really only one of many ways that many, many social media personalities are fake.

End Holden Caulfield moment.

People need to stop getting cancer. A cure would be nice.

On Sunday, it was made public that former president Joe Biden has been diagnosed with cancer. It’s a prostate cancer which has metastatized to his bones, which isn’t great, but it’s the kind that responds to hormone therapy, so it’s manageable, and the outlook is generally positive.

As I would have it, he would make a full recovery immediately, and so to everyone who has cancer. I might not have agreed with everything he has ever said or done, but I don’t wish illness on him.

However, the diagnosis did raise some eyebrows, as the variety of prostate cancer that Biden has is the kind that takes years, often the better part of a decade, to metastatize, and can be detected early with a simple blood test.

This brings up two possibilities. The first being that the White House physicians that gave Biden his routine physicals are astoundingly incompetent for their position. After all, about one in eight men are diagnosed with prostate cancer, especially as they age, so it’s definitely reasonable to screen for the disease for a man in his eighties, such as Joe Biden, as part of a periodic blood test.

The other is that White House physicians were complicit in the plot to conceal Biden’s physical and mental state, which are highly relevant considering the position he was holding. And that was probably the case.

In light of this, people recalled a speech in which Biden admitted to having cancer. At the time, it was assumed that Biden was referring to a minor form of skin cancer which is usually not a huge threat. However, people are floating now that Biden may have been aware of his prostate cancer, but forgot to keep it under wraps.

Biden says that his mother using windshield wipers to "get literally the oil slick off the window" is "why I and so damn many other people have cancer." pic.twitter.com/YIoBlZadRJ

— Townhall.com (@townhallcom) July 20, 2022

What I find interesting is that, early on in the Biden presidency, shortly after Russia began its invasion of Ukraine, the propaganda arm of the establishment was pushing speculation that Vladimir Putin, the president of Russia, had a secret cancer diagnosis, and was dying.

Naturally, nobody believed state media as they said this. But considering that an old strategem in disinformation is accusing your opponent of what you yourself are doing, an old story has picked up some new optics.

But at this point, it’s already well-known that Biden has been carefully propped up over the course of nearly his entire administration, until the point that his health couldn’t be concealed any further, at which point leftists either pretended to be surprised, or that they weren’t party to the cover-up.

All this instead of, you know, just leaving a poor man to retire with cocktail in hand, after about five decades of accomplishing nothing on Capitol Hill (which is kinda preferable, things considered).

Regardless of the circumstances involved, I wish Biden well, and a speedy recovery.

I’m starting to get the idea that environmentalists don’t actually want us to take them seriously. That’s what I can come away with regarding their preparations for the COP30 climate summit.

Which involved paving over thousands of acres of protected Amazon rainforest in order to build a four-lane highway leading to the location of the summit.

If you were hoping that you read that wrong, your day may have just been ruined.

The so-called intellectuals, who wanted to virtue signal over the environment being destroyed, just had thousands of acres of delicate ecosystem destroyed because they didn’t want to be inconvenienced.

If it was about inconvenience, they could have just had their little summit over Zoom, rather than consuming fuel with their private jets.

But when it comes down to it, climate summits are largely just performances, and for there to be the performance that they want, they have to emit immense amounts of carbon and pave over whatever forests they have to in order to reach their arbitrary venue.

This whole matter has some troubling implications when you consider that the elites who bloviate about the environment are some of the same clowns who are running the circus. What other decisions are they making that are self-defeating and bad for the rest of us? Or do they even care?

If only there was an obvious way to know whether these guys actually believe what they say.

When I heard someone get called “world’s dumbest criminal”, that caught my attention. The person we’d be talking about today is a Georgia woman, 25-year-old Aleefah Sumpter, who allegedly pilfered a customer’s debit card information on her job at Whataburger. Which she then used to pay probation fines and court fees.

The victim later checked his account, noticed the fraudulent $400 charge, then proceeded to call the probation court that the payment was made to, as well as the police, and it didn’t take them long to figure out what was going on.

Let’s let this sink in: A fraudulent debit charge was used to pay probation fines and court fees.

It’s a crime that’s trivially simple to trace, and there’s no prize for guessing the prime suspect. Who, by the way, the victim was able to pick out of a lineup.

The suspect, Aleefah, agreed to turn herself in on Feb 21. But instead of doing so, she fled to Florida, and her family said that she had been planning the trip before she was charged. Whether she’d be safe from the big, mean felony charge in the land of gators and Mickey Mouse, I don’t know. But I suspect she gave them a flimsy excuse to pass on as she fled. Whatever her reasoning, she’s a wanted woman now, and some are even going as far as calling her the world’s dumbest criminal.

If you’re wondering what Aleefah was originally on probation for, it was a misdemeanor drug offense. That’s pretty much it.

So, is Aleefah Sumpter really the world’s dumbest criminal? Probably not. There are many contenders for that distinction. And maybe some of them are deliberately trying to earn it.

But what’s apparent to me is that Aleefah has a lot to learn about the digital age.