Have you noticed how theater staff treats you like you’re stupid? They’ll either roll their eyes as you tell them your movie selection, or they’ll be passive-aggressive about whatever snack you’re ordering.

It could be because they’re yet another teenager that’s upset about having a job that they don’t like which they themselves applied for and underwent the interview process for, and made the decision to leave the house that day to do, just as they did the day before. But I think there’s more to it than that.

Personally, I suspect that theater staff really thinks we’re stupid. And when you consider the kind of dreck that theaters show and people pay to watch, it’s hard to blame them.

Consider The Emoji Movie. Yep, they really made that.

Predictably enough, many reviewers think that they’re being clever by saying that the poop emoji is fitting to describe it. Everyone needs to get over the poop emoji, already. I get it. They made an emoticon that appeals to all the mouth-breathers that think that poop is funny. There’s even a poop emoji pillow, and you can buy it at Target using your Capital One credit card and enjoy a tall Starbucks S’mores Frappuccino on location, in case what you’re doing isn’t corporate enough.

I found out about The Emoji Movie at a theater when I went to see Transformers: The Last Knight. I didn’t read any reviews or plot summaries, so I didn’t know what to expect outside of what the previous Michael Bay Transformers movies were like. Speaking of, I find it hilarious when reviewers act disappointed when Transformers movies by Michael Bay are filled with gratuitous explosions and fighting. Michael Bay directed four other Transformers movies before this one, so I’m wondering just what it was that they were expecting at this point.

What I wasn’t expecting from The Last Knight was that it would be a Transformers movie incorporating Authurian legend into the plot. I’m not kidding, there was a Transformers movie with a plot that involved King Arthur, Merlin the wizard, and the knights of the round table.

What flies in the face of this whole film (aside from the fact that the tales about Arthur and Excalibur are a ripoff of the legends surrounding King Charlemagne and his sword, the Joyeuse) is Optimus Prime’s so-called moral that states that there’s some truth to every legend:

“At the heart of every legend, there is truth: a few brave souls unite to save the world. We can be heroes in our own lives, every one of us, if we only have the courage to try.”
Optimus Prime, in a movie where the main character is a stereotypical “chosen one”.

It’s like they wanted to go with that moral, regardless of what actually happened in the narrative. Not everyone is selected by destiny to do something extraordinary. Most people actually are completely ordinary, and you probably are, too. Besides, not every legend has “some truth” to it. Some of them are complete boloney.

No wonder theater staff thinks we’re stupid. They’re merely reflecting the sentiments of the film industry. How else does one explain how a movie about emojis goes from being a script to a full-length film shown in theaters nationwide? It doesn’t help that we’re paying $12 to see a movie once at a certain time when, if we were to wait a couple months, we can download it for about the same price and then watch it whenever we want, as many times as we want. If waiting for that isn’t a big deal, do we really need theaters?