Sometimes, you’re in the mood for a hamburger. This can happen when a McDonald’s is convenient, and you might just overlook the fact that it’s McDonald’s, and proceed to satisfy your hamburger craving.

However, sometimes this craving happens in the morning. And when that’s the case, have fun trying to get a hamburger at McDonald’s, because that’s when they have their breakfast menu going.

Who goes to McDonald’s for breakfast? Their breakfast items are gross, and any time I’ve tried them, they’ve left a sour feeling in my stomach, as though my body was telling me I’ve made a mistake. Egg McMuffins? Gross. Sausage Egg McMuffins? Grosser. They also offer bacon in their breakfast items, because orangutans love powering that stuff down their throats with a zero-minded focus.

Considering how foul the McDonald’s breakfast menu is, ignoring it is easy. The problem is, when they have their breakfast menu going, they don’t make hamburgers. So if it’s a hamburger you want, you’d have to wait.

What’s McDonald’s most famous for? Hamburgers. At one point, they’d put something like “N million hamburgers sold” on their signs. Around the time that number reached the hundreds of millions, they just changed the signs to read millions and millions sold.

Oh, hold on. The number is actually billions. My mistake.

Unbelievable.

How many hamburgers did they sell by saying “No, it’s too early in the morning. Come back when we want to make them.” I don’t know, but I suspect that the answer is close to zero.

Maybe the real problem here is that when I want a hamburger, I sometimes actually consider McDonald’s. I can do better, so why don’t I?