It’s a question that keeps coming up on social media: What to women have against men playing video games?

It’s a question that stirs up conversation as often as it does because, as much time as men spend around women, the way that they think is still a mystery to us. In this post, I’m going to attempt to answer this question.

Much of the mystery comes down to a lack of theory of mind. The fact is, men and women are different, and those differences extend to the way that we think. And it’s not bad that men and women are different, as those differences play a significant role in bringing us together (and contributing to the continuity of our species).

To get right into it, let’s look at video games in terms of their most frequently-recurring elements: Hunting, gathering, combat, problem solving, strategizing, and resource management. These elements tend to appeal more to masculine players. That’s not to say that women can’t find such elements interesting. In fact, many of them do. But the deal is, these elements appeal more to men than women.

Women are drawn more to relationship intrigue. While such games exist, they are few in number, and don’t get much attention.

Considering this, it becomes easier to understand why women don’t seem to understand why men seem to like video games, or could spend hours at a time playing them. And when you look at women in terms of what they’d be better adapted to, this starts to make intuitive sense. Women are not the hunter-gatherers of the tribe, they are the home and relationship builders. To them, video games that appeal to masculine sensibilities are something abstract.

In the same sense, this is why women have a stronger tendency to assume that while you’re at work, you’re not actually working, or that what you do for work isn’t as meaningful as the work that they do at home. It’s because they view what they do as meaningful, and perhaps have a better understanding of the meaning of homemaking than you do.

Perhaps it’s because of masculine bias, but I have an easier time seeing the value of building buildings, paving roads, running businesses, maintaining infrastructure, engineering, manufacturing, running businesses, and keeping society going. I suppose that that’s a perspective that’s normal for a male to have. Yet, women might not as clearly see that work as meaningful as the work that they do for homes and communities, or they at least better see the value of it. That would be yet another meaningful difference between men and women.

Another question that comes up that stirs up conversation ask women: If you were in the woods, would you rather meet a man or a bear? This is called “the bear question”. And it’s a question that turned controversial because a surprising number of women chose the bear, which left men wondering why. And many assumed misandry.

Yet, their answer becomes more understandable (if still silly) when you understand the way women think, and the framing of the question.

The way that the question is framed has to do with the setting: in the woods. What kind of man would most likely be encountered in the woods? A random hiker. Which, from a feminine perspective, would likely be considered a low-status male. And, in her consideration, there would be a non-zero chance that she would bear his child as a consequence of that encounter.

Women are more adept when it comes to relationships, which is why feminine warfare has to do less with kinetic warfare, and more to do with GSR (gossiping, shaming, and rallying). What’s advantageous to a woman is what promotes their social status. And among these is to be in a relationship with a high-status male.

The kind of male that would be encountered in the woods would likely be a low-status male, and women would perceive danger in that!

Then there’s the bear. As mentioned above, women are not the hunter-gatherers of the tribe. Thus, the danger that a bear would represent might not be something that women are as well adapted to recognize. As men see it, to survive a fight with a bear is considered a legendary feat. After all, bears are capricious engines of death, and even if the human is armed, the bear usually has an immense advantage.

If the question were to be reframed, the answer would likely become more consistent. “If you were in an executive boardroom, would you rather meet a man or a bear?” The number of women who would select the man would approach 100%.

When it comes down to it, the answer to the video question is that men and women are different, and there are reasons for those differences.

But the question that I have for women right now is this: Why do men have a strong preference for women who are more open-minded when it comes to the things that men like?