Author Archives: Raizen

The False Narrative of Electronics Technology

I’ve attended a 2-year trade school majoring in Electronics Engineering Technology. It’s been a couple years since I’ve graduated with honors, and even though it pains me somewhat to write this, I feel as though it might benefit someone if they are considering majoring in the same thing:

I feel as though I’ve been sold a false narrative concerning Electronics Technology.

There is a noticeably wide disparity between what students majoring in the subject expect in terms of earning potential and the reality that awaits them after they’ve walked across the stage.

I admit that I’ve read about it somewhere online, but largely chalked it up to someone making some poor choices with their degree. But after having had experience with several employers, the disappointing wages that I’ve seen discussed seem consistent with what I’ve seen out in the field.

First, the expectation. I know that a lot of people see the word “engineering” in the title of the program and assume that the degree prepares the student for a career in electrical engineering, wherein it’s not unusual to make around $90,000 a year right out of college, possibly even more. That’s some buy-a-car-and-own-a-home money, right there. Of course, it’s reasonable to be skeptical that someone would rake in that kind of dough right after graduating with a 2-year degree; Electrical Engineering is far more challenging and is a 4-year degree (that’s not unusual to take 5 to 6 years to finish).

A more realistic expectation would be to have the understanding that Electronics Technology prepares one to work as an Electronics Technician, and for how difficult the coursework is, one might expect to make something like $50,000 a year right out of school.

Was that what you were expecting? Here comes the disappointment: the typical hourly rate for an Electronics Technician is from $16 to $20 per hour.

That’s it. Around $34,000 a year. I know someone who makes that kind of money as an automotive technician, and he doesn’t even have a college degree.

That’s a disappointing amount of money considering the kind of hard work it takes to get a degree in EET. While most people are put off by the more complex math and only take the algebra courses needed to graduate high school, Electronics Technology has you learning whole new numbering systems. While most people are happy just to have a computer with a high clock speed, Electronics Technology has you learning about computing architecture and networking. Are you ready to learn about the alpha and beta ratings of transistors (and then not likely use this information in your job)? The trigonometry course that’s required isn’t like high school trig; on the college level, it’s a whole new ball game. I even went beyond and took a calculus course. From what I can tell, even engineers rarely have to use derivatives and integrals.

And for what? To make just a few dollars more than a new hire at an upscale gas station? Even now, I’m barely getting by in an apartment, and currently don’t have a car. I didn’t just get a super-hard degree, I did so with honors. Something seems wrong, here.

I’ll give you an idea of just how hard it is to be an EET major. There are majors in the college that graduate about 25 out of the 25 students that enroll in them as freshmen. Other majors seem to do well at retaining their students. For EET, it’s different. It’s not unusual for freshmen to drop like flies in the first month of the first semester. It’s likely that only around half of freshmen make it to the second semester. They often fail out due to poor grades, or withdraw because it turned out much harder than they imagined.

If you’re curious, those that stick around often make fun of those who don’t make it. Even those who withdraw within a month of the first semester are joked about as far in as year two.

It seems that only about a third of freshmen make it as far as the second year. Those that do usually make it to graduation. It’s not that the coursework is any easier, but those who make it to second year demonstrate the diligence necessary to see it through to the end.

Their reward? They become qualified to make 16 Snickers bars an hour at some place that can fire them for forgetting to plug in their static strap. Of course, they’re being taxed, so they’d be taking home less than that.

I know that the market decides the value of one’s skills, which is a highly nuanced topic, but how is it that something that’s so hard to become qualified to do pay so little money?

Don’t get me wrong, I do like my job. Still, there’s something disappointing about getting into a sort of “smart-guy” field and getting really good at it only to discover that there’s not as much money in it as you thought. There’s a false narrative surrounding Electronics Technology, which one would expect a school’s guidance counselors to feed into, but is self-enforcing by the expectation that if something is really hard to do, the outcome of accomplishing it must be much more desirable. One lesson that one can learn from this is that a more difficult path doesn’t necessarily mean the rewards are greater.

Knowing this, would you still major in Electronics Engineering Technology?

What’s In a Thinking Man’s Bug-Out Bag?

I’ve learned about bug-out bags a few years ago, and I took interest in them because they appealed to a sense of survivalism and emergency preparedness. Since then, I’ve had time to think about the kind of things that would be best for a bug-out bag.

But then I got to thinking: What kind of emergency would a person be most likely to face? If one were to consider most bug-out bag configurations that are easy to find on survivalist websites, it would seem like people have an unrealistically high expectation of having to go on an emergency camp out, or be on the run from law enforcement.

Think about it: If law enforcement decided to come after you, how would you be able to determine this before the moment that they show up on your doorstep to make an arrest? How would the intent to come after you be telegraphed if the most practical course of action they could take is to ensure that you’d have the least amount of warning to escape with a few things to spend a few days in the woods? And considering how persistent they can be, in the event that you escape through a window or something, you’d be buying yourself a few days at best (assuming that they don’t anticipate that you’d pull such a thing and station someone in your back yard).

So, it doesn’t seem like there’s much point to entertaining a paranoid fantasy of a life on the run. Here’s a cool idea: if what you’re doing is highly illegal and can get you into loads of trouble, you’re probably better off not doing it.

A more realistic thing to prepare a bug-out bag for is a disaster of some kind. This can be something like an earthquake, flood, or fire. Or perhaps you’d benefit from having one around in the event that you have a falling-out with someone you’re staying with. Stuff happens.

If such an emergency were to come up, where would you be most likely to go? Into the woods for a while where you cook some wild animals and eat some berries? Not likely. The place you’d be most likely to go would be a friend’s or relative’s house, provided they have room for you.

That being the case, the kind of bug-out bag that you’d be more likely to actually get a use out of would be one that’s filled with some supplies for short-term living at someone else’s place. With this in mind, I’ve assembled a short list of items that are generally a good idea to keep in a realistic bug-out bag, which can be called The Thinking Man’s Bug-Out Bag.

Suggested items for The Thinking Man’s Bug-Out Bag include:

  • A change of clothes

Or two, if you can find room for it. If all you have to wear is what’s on you, things can get kind-of awkward on laundry day. And laundry day might end up happening kind-of often.

  • Several day’s supply of socks and underwear

Having just a few day’s supply of clothes will be easier to stretch when you can at least change your undergarments. That might not sound ideal, but remember, you’d be making do with a little you brought with you in response to an emergency.

  • Some bedding

Comforters and pillows might take up a bit much room in your bag, but getting some sheets in there should be easy.

  • An extra charger for your phone

Your host probably doesn’t have the kind of charger you’d need for your phone, so it’s not a bad idea to keep an extra in your bag.

  • Some cash and quarters

This might be the most versatile thing you can keep in your bag, as there might be a situation that comes up in which you’d think “It’d be nice if I had…” With some cash in your bag, you’d be able to buy it. Whatever amount of money you decide to keep in your bag, it helps to keep it in denominations that are reasonable, as some stores don’t accept one-hundred-dollar bills. Quarters can come in handy if you’re in a place where the laundry is done in a laundromat.

  • Toothpaste and toothbrush

Where you go might not have an extra set of dental hygiene products.

  • Body wash, trial size

When we’re talking about limited space, it’s a good idea to consider versatility. Body wash can be used as soap, and can be used to wash hair. If you can find it in a trial or travel size, that would make it even better for your bug-out bag. Some stores have a section for travel-size items, so it might be a good idea to add some of those to your kit, as well.

  • Bottled water

It might take a little time for you to get where you’re going. It wouldn’t do for you to get dehydrated on the way there.

  • A little shelf-stable food

It wouldn’t do to starve, either. What you add is your choice, but mind the expiration dates. Also, be sure that the food is either ready to eat or you have the means in your bag to immediately open, prepare, and consume it. To pack canned food but no can opener would be self-defeating. If you need a dish or utensils and don’t bring them, eating your food might be a challenge. But something requiring no preparation like granola bars would usually do just fine. Beef jerky is also a great choice.

  • A notebook and writing utensil

If you’re in an emergency situation or getting situated in new surroundings, you’ll likely have a lot of information to take down. If you have what you need to write down things like addresses, appointments, and contact information, you’d be well-off. You’d also be glad that you packed it if you happen to like sketching or journal-keeping.

  • A replacement laptop and charger

In the event of a fire, you probably won’t have time to get your expensive gaming rig out the door. Wherever you end up going, it’s likely to have wi-fi and you’d probably benefit from using it. A laptop would be great if you stay wherever you end up going long-term. If your laptop has important files such as a copy of your resume, you’d be pretty well-prepared. If a laptop seems a little expensive to add to your emergency kit, or you’re running out of room, you can at least keep a flash drive with some important files in there.

  • A mini First Aid kit

Emergency situations are usually highly-dangerous, so it’s not a bad idea to have the means on hand to tend to minor scrapes and bruises.

  • Rain gear

It might be raining when disaster strikes. Having a poncho or umbrella in your bag can keep you and your emergency kit dry.

This bug-out bag should be easy for the average person to assemble, because it consists of items that people usually have around the house, and it’s relatively easy for a person to head to a store and pick up a few items to complete it. This is the kind of bug-out bag that people would benefit most from having, as it concerns the most realistic emergency scenarios that a person can face.

Is there anything you’d add to this bug-out bag?

Let’s be honest about millennials.

For a while now, it seems as though the millennial generation has been the butt of many jokes, even among social commenters who fall into the millennial category. You’ve likely heard a few of these jokes yourself; that they are entitled or want a gold star just for participating.

However, I’ve yet to actually meet in person someone from the millennial generation who lives up to the stereotypes that surround them. To put this in perspective, I’ve recently graduated from college, where I was surrounded by millennials that had ample opportunity to live up to the stereotypes in question. The fact that the school I attended was a two-year trade school may have been a factor, but it remains that I didn’t meet there even one millennial that lived up to the stereotypes. I know that I’m speaking from my own experience, but I think the sample size was way more than sufficient to say that the stereotypes about millennials were highly over-exaggerated.

I think it’s about time to make some honest observations concerning millennials.

For one thing, the very designation of “millennial” is arbitrary, and not very well-defined. From what I can tell, a person is considered to be a millennial if they’ve been born from sometime in the early 1980’s to early 1990’s. The precise timing is not agreed upon, but that’s the general idea. However, the idea that a person who is born before a precise point in time would have different values than a person who was born after that point in time would ignore the fact that a society’s trends concerning values tends to shift gradually, often in response to slow changes in culture and other conditions, such as economy.

Even though the use of the term “millennial” is vague and can apply to a potentially wide group of people, I’ll continue to use this term in this analysis, as it can still be helpful in making observations concerning generalities.

When millennials are criticized, it’s often by baby-boomers that grew up in different economic conditions, and seem to have the expectation that if an approach similar to what worked for them once-upon-a-time were to be applied today, it would consistently yield identical results. Such a position would be entirely ignorant of the changing conditions of the economic climate, and is in stark denial of the challenges that millennials have to deal with.

For one thing, you’ve probably heard it said that “a college education doesn’t count for as much as it used to.” What baby boomers assume this to mean is that there isn’t much point to pursuing a college education. After all, they were able to get their careers started without the aid of a college degree. But what this really means is that those who choose to forgo a college education stand less of a chance.

Consider how much stricter the educational requirements are to start a successful career. My grandfather was able to get his life together, and he didn’t even need a high school education to do it. My father didn’t obtain a college degree, but he didn’t need one. A person today who is getting started usually requires a college education to get things going, and they’re expected to have one. What’s more, a college degree is no guarantee of success.

If anyone has spent a significant amount of time searching for a job lately, the following might just be a lot to take in. At one point, finding a job was easy. If a person really wanted a job, all they had to do was walk down into town to a few businesses and ask for work. It wasn’t unrealistic for a person to be hired by the end of the day. A person may be expected to present some personal information, but usually not much. A person might have to fill out a job application, but it was okay for them to not be filled out completely if you didn’t have all the information, and mistakes could be easily overlooked.

This was a few decades ago, but this was a pretty accurate description of the conditions that your parents and grandparents had to find work in.

Now, compare it to today. Nowadays, if you walked into a store and asked for an application, you’d get laughed at, because nearly every employer has you apply online. They’ll seldom have a paper application to give you, and if they did, your application might end up in a filing cabinet labelled “Only if the federal government makes us”. They expect you to apply online, and they’ll think you’re weird if you insist on writing on trees.

If you have a felony conviction, it’s pretty much an automatic bar to employment. I know that the applications say otherwise, but that doesn’t mean that the application is telling you the truth. You’re expected to tell the truth on the application, but that doesn’t mean the application will do the same for you. And if you trying leaving a felony conviction off your application, the company is likely to perform a background check, so they’d find out about it and reject your application. This is a one-strike-and-you’re-out system.

Not only that, you’re expected to have a resume. The resume is to be well-formatted and filled with buzz-words that are designed to catch the attention of the automatic filters when submitted electronically. Never heard of those filters? Then most of your online resume submissions were likely never even viewed by human eyes. Online resume submissions can be expected to pass through filters that seek out buzzwords and education credentials to ensure that the people applying for a position are actually qualified, and not just wishful thinkers who pad out their attempts at career changes with “hard working” and “willing to learn”.

I know that they do this from experience. I learned assembly programming in college, which means that I can program in assembly-level language for microcontrollers. Most employers in the field of electronics seem impressed by this. However, after adding this to my resume and uploading it to a couple job search websites, I started to get invited to interviews for the position of “Assembly Worker” at factories. This certainly isn’t the same thing as assembly programming, and I decided to let the recruiters know. I ended up in an email exchange between two recruiters for the same company, and was CCed an email that contained a copy of my resume. The occurrences of the word “assembly” in the resume were highlighted, indicating that they were a hit in their automated searches.

They didn’t read my resume to determine what I could actually do. The only reason they even saw my resume is because of a buzz word that made it through their filter. The sobering truth is, it’s getting to the point that resumes need to be deliberately optimized to game the system to give the applicant the best chance of landing a job.

And if the resume is actually seen by a human being, you’ve only cleared the first hurdle. One general manager at a store I used to work at was fond of telling his employees that there were over 200 applications for every available position.

All this for what? A position that pays either minimum wage or maybe a few dollars above it. That’s America today.

When you consider this, it’s easy to see why so many millennials seem gung-ho about a socialist revolution. They’d be wrong about it, but at least it’s understandable why they feel that way. Your grandfather may be happy to proclaim the benefits of capitalism, but that’s because capitalism actually worked for him, and benefited him well. If you’ve ever wondered why older people value hard work so heavily, it’s because they were brought up in a time when hard work had far move obvious and immediate benefits. In fact, in their day, if a person was able to get any full-time job, they had stability and were considered to be pretty well-off.

This contrasts pretty heavily with today, where two guys working full time might be able to hold down a rented apartment.

Speaking of housing, it’s assumed that millennials aren’t interested in buying houses. This isn’t because they don’t want houses, it’s because houses are pretty difficult for them to attain.

The millennials reading this might be shocked, but at one point, it was reasonable for a person to be able to buy a home. It wasn’t just “maybe a few people could do it”, but “reasonable for most”. And I don’t mean renting it, I actually mean buying it. As in, you own the home, and the land around it.

What changed is the housing market. People bought up properties with the intention of reselling them for a profit. While it’s not hard to blame them for doing this, the process repeated enough times that the prices for homes have gotten very high, well outside the finances of most millennials. Finances are what determines whether someone can buy a home, and we’ve already examined what a horrendous dumpster-fire the American job market is. In summary, the means are reduced, coming by them is more difficult, and homes are more expensive.

This is the kind of environment that millennials have come into. While they may be loathe to admit it, their parents have some blame to take. The parents of millennials have largely accepted fad parenting that is, for some reason, afraid to either discipline or instill realistic expectations in their children.

Many millennials have had parents that have told them that they can be anything that they want to be. Not only that, the frequent coddling and failure to discipline has set these children up to be poorly prepared for the real world. Worse yet, they quickly become depressed and disillusioned when they fail to live up to their parents lofty expectations. It certainly doesn’t help that they’re being incessantly mocked by various pundits and media outlets for failing to gain a foothold in a world with little in the way of opportunities.

The parents of millennials got while the getting was much easier, and seem to believe that their successes are easily repeatable, enabling them to be highly judgemental when the next generation doesn’t perform just as well, overlooking that conditions are much worse.

The responsibility for the upbringing of a child falls squarely on the child’s parents. This is an axiom that has held up throughout history, as it does today. Yet, baby boomers and their parents grew up in the world of rapidly-advancing convenience, and as a result have developed the mentality that many of life’s inconveniences will be alleviated. Tragically, they seemed to have included child-rearing as being among those inconveniences that they’ve left for others to tend to.

As too many people see it, the upbringing of a child can be left to the education system. The education system, on the other hand, saw the upbringing of children as the responsibility of their parents. For a while. Increasingly, the education system has taken the stance that if they’re going to be left to teach children values, the values being taught were going to be their own. This became increasingly tragic as the education system steadily became co-opted by those with left-wing viewpoints, who view traditional values as being “old-fashioned” and tending towards obsolescence.

Eventually, the millennial generation ended up being experimented on by being fed a slurry of ridiculous ideas that are pretty much insane. At the risk of facing academic consequences, students felt an obligation to either comply or keep their mouths shut. To the credit of millennials, more and more of them seem to be coming to recognize these ideas for the madness that they are.

While it’s sad that millennials have developed the way that they have, it’s more surprising still that they’re being relentlessly mocked for developing in the manner that they were brought up, and for failing when the odds are stacked against them. It’s great that many of them are starting to come to, picking up the tatters of their lives and getting things together.

What’s more, there seems to be high hopes for what’s called “gen Z”, the also-poorly-defined generational group that comes after millennials. This largely has to do with the fact that gen Z is apparently more values-oriented than their predecessors, seeing what’s wrong with their approach and deciding to avoid the same mistakes. It’s not necessarily a “values as a counter-culture” deal, either. Gen Z really seems to have an interest in doing better than those before them. In a sense, gen Z also has the odds stacked against them, as they’re actively resisting an establishment that teaches that sexual perversion and gender confusion are normal. But this makes their perseverance all the more commendable.

If we were to take an honest look at millennials, we’d see them as being the victims of a culture that was cultivated by their predecessors. The best thing that they can do is what many of them are coming around to, and that’s to realize that they’ve been led in the wrong direction, recognize that the values that they’ve been ridiculed for were not their own to begin with, and determine to do better going forward.

And if baby boomers start to get too arrogant, just remind them that they were the generation that gave us hippies.

Cool your jets, James Gunn probably isn’t a pedophile.

I’m going to go ahead and be a voice of reason when it comes to the whole James Gunn debacle so far (as things are still developing, more facts can come to light, and my position can change). As you might have heard, James made some tweets a few years back wherein he made some jokes about pedophilia. These tweets somehow didn’t surface until it became clear that he wouldn’t toe the line for the social justice narrative.

Disney has subsequently fired James, which ended his role as director of the Guardians of the Galaxy series, considering that the nature of the jokes didn’t fall in line with Disney’s family-friendly image. This would be the same Disney that recently picked up a sci-fi series depicting dismemberment and decapitation with laser swords and mysteriously strangling people from across the room, but I digress.

Fans then started pressuring Disney to bring James Gunn back, saying that while his jokes were crass, he was exercising his constitutionally-protected freedom of expression. Whether a company fires someone for their conduct outside of work doesn’t have much to do with freedom of expression, but I suspect that the fans are motivated by the possibility that without Gunn, the Guardians movies are finished.

Shortly afterwards, some images surfaced of Gunn having posed in a photo-op during a “pedophilia-themed” party. As you could imagine, the reactionaries went ballistic. By now, they’ll have already given themselves strokes from how violently they spazzed out, making sure that we know how much they hate pedophiles, saying things like:

“Pedophiles are totally awful! I’m glad I’m not a pedophile! Did I mention that I’m not a pedophile, today?!”

What reasonable people want to know is, how is it that the idea for a pedophile-themed party was pitched, a bunch of people agreed to it, and it somehow came and went without causing an uproar?

The answer is, it didn’t. It wasn’t a pedophile party. It was an anti-pedophile party.

The party in question was themed after the hit TV show, To Catch a Predator, which featured Chris Hansen. On the program, Hansen and members of law enforcement used chat rooms to arrange meetings with pedophiles who were led to believe that they were meeting up with children. It was redneck entertainment in the same sense as Cops and America’s Most Wanted, except easier to admit to watching. And it’s fun to watch again and again, even if the premise doesn’t change much from entrapping creepy, debased men who thought that they were getting this:

Chiyo-Chan.jpg

But instead got this:

chris hansen.jpg

A party based on that? Still sounds like a count-me-out kinda dealie, but I can see how someone might find that amusing. And it’s certainly far less outrageous than what people have been imagining against James Gunn since those party pictures came out. And it so happens that their imaginations hard-railed to the most negative possible implications that there could have been, like an op amp with a vicious slew rate.

In today’s connected world, a lie can travel around the world many times in the time it takes for the truth to get its shoes on. That being the case, let’s be at least a little careful with the facts. If you react without considering the information available, you’ll likely end up being a part of the problem.

While we’re at it, can we all just stop randomly accusing people of being the worst thing we can possibly imagine? A person isn’t a horrible criminal just because you think they’re kind of weird. The real problem is that you’re a peevish misanthrope.

It’s pedophiles today, but back in the nineties, if someone wanted to make someone else seem like a horrible criminal, they’d call them a psychopathic mass-murderer. We all know how reasonable it is to expect to find a serial killer walking down the street, instead of in a jail cell, right? And in the eighties, it was satanists. Yes, satanists.

It’s amazing how many people there are that know how to read, write, speak, and listen, but they find it hard to think.

The McDonald’s breakfast menu is problematic.

Sometimes, you’re in the mood for a hamburger. This can happen when a McDonald’s is convenient, and you might just overlook the fact that it’s McDonald’s, and proceed to satisfy your hamburger craving.

However, sometimes this craving happens in the morning. And when that’s the case, have fun trying to get a hamburger at McDonald’s, because that’s when they have their breakfast menu going.

Who goes to McDonald’s for breakfast? Their breakfast items are gross, and any time I’ve tried them, they’ve left a sour feeling in my stomach, as though my body was telling me I’ve made a mistake. Egg McMuffins? Gross. Sausage Egg McMuffins? Grosser. They also offer bacon in their breakfast items, because orangutans love powering that stuff down their throats with a zero-minded focus.

Considering how foul the McDonald’s breakfast menu is, ignoring it is easy. The problem is, when they have their breakfast menu going, they don’t make hamburgers. So if it’s a hamburger you want, you’d have to wait.

What’s McDonald’s most famous for? Hamburgers. At one point, they’d put something like “N million hamburgers sold” on their signs. Around the time that number reached the hundreds of millions, they just changed the signs to read millions and millions sold.

Oh, hold on. The number is actually billions. My mistake.

mcdonald's billions.jpgUnbelievable.

How many hamburgers did they sell by saying “No, it’s too early in the morning. Come back when we want to make them.” I don’t know, but I suspect that the answer is close to zero.

Maybe the real problem here is that when I want a hamburger, I sometimes actually consider McDonald’s. I can do better, so why don’t I?

Heel-eaters should be banned.

I recently got a new pair of shoes. By the time I got home, I realized that I made a big mistake. I got a pair of shoes that digs into the back of my heels.

The shoes were my own size, so I didn’t make any mistake there. The shoes, while padded, still dug into the back of my heel. The shoes really did seem okay before I bought it, but its heel actually curves inward, so it digs into the achilles tendon more and more with every painful step. Eventually, the pain seems to wear off. But when I went to take my shoes off, I found blood spots on both my socks. Gross! It stung to peel them off.

Sometimes, you think you can save money by buying a cheap pair of shoes. But if you make the mistake of buying the ones that chew your heels, you find yourself buying Band-Aids and Neosporin to try to reverse the damage, and by the time you buy some of those expensive pads for your shoes, you didn’t really save money at all, did you?

The people who design these shoes have to know what they’re doing. It’s hard to imagine making shoes that damage heels any way except on purpose. After all, isn’t it easier to sew up something linearly rather than curved inward? What did these guys think they were doing when they designed these shoes with a feature that couldn’t be anything except uncomfortable?

These kinds of shoes should be banned. Why should it be considered an acceptable risk to buy a pair of shoes that have the potential of causing physical harm to the consumer? Why should the shelves at a shoe store be a minefield of misery?

It’s probably some conspiracy designed to get us to buy more shoes. After all, if we accidentally buy a terrible pair of shoes, the designers of heel-eaters might actually be banking on us not bothering to make a return, just spending more money on yet another pair of shoes. And in my case, it might actually work. I just want to get the same kind of shoes I got a few months back, and set some firecrackers off inside the heel-eaters I accidentally purchased. If I get to have some fun watching it blow up, it’s not a waste of money.

The Wrong Setting to Soapbox

get woke go broke.png

As most people do, I face a number of challenges in my day-to-day life. These include succeeding at my job and also managing my finances so that I’ll have enough money to pay the rent month-to-month while still having enough to eat. If, on top of the challenges of typical life, one were to be exposed to the issues facing society as a whole through social media and corporate information outlets, it’s easy to develop a bleak outlook of the world.

Because of this, it’s understandable that a person would want to unwind with some entertainment. This escapism to idealized worlds of fantasy can be just what a person needs to help them forget, at least for a short time, the problems that that person and society as a whole faces, and in some cases permit them to retain some sanity.

It can be quite distressing when the entertainment media outlets that a person chooses can start taking up issues and causes, and in so doing, become yet another polarizing voice in a divisive political landscape. When this is the case, a person’s choice of escapism ceases to be a means of escape, and oftentimes, this leads to a person finding another source of entertainment altogether. After all, if a product that a person purchases ceases to serve its essential purpose, it can be discarded and a replacement sought out.

The observation of this phenomenon has led to the popularization of the phrase, “Get woke, go broke“.

What it means to get woke is to experience an awakening in awareness of issues and causes, usually from a left-wing perspective (those on the right tend to prefer the expression “red pill”). What it means to go broke is self-explanatory; it suggests that there’s a price to pay in using one’s position to further an agenda.

There is a wrong setting to soapbox.

The entertainment industry is one such wrong setting, and the industry itself is having a pretty hard time learning that lesson. In fact, facing correction in this regard, it would seem as though the entertainment media are digging their heels in, though it’s not really benefiting them to do so. There are many examples to pick from.

The film industry has decided to pander to intersectionality. Superficially, the idea is to provide a voice to oppressed groups such as women, minorities, and the sexually non-conforming. This has the appearance of “standing up for the little guy”, but is devious in that it is used as a means to come away with a moral victory in the event that a movie doesn’t do so well. If a movie does well, it’s a victory for oppressed minorities. If a movie fails, it’s because those who didn’t go see it are racists, misogynists, or homophobes.

It should be obvious why such an approach doesn’t work. For one thing, even if you can find someone else to blame for your movie failing, your movie still fails. Shifting the blame doesn’t change that. Worse still, turning against the public can result in the public turning against you.

Since going to Disney, Star Wars decided to take on intersectional pandering. Since this became the case, the Star Wars fandom has gotten quite scary. They’re so sick of what Star Wars is becoming, that they are actually wishing failure on the more recent Star Wars films. This includes the new Solo movie, which they declared a blackout on. Since then, the Solo movie failed at the box office, and Star Wars fans are actually celebrating this. While it seems like Kathleen Kennedy is close to being dismissed as the person in charge of Star Wars, if that’s the case, Disney is being quiet about it, perhaps because they want to deny the Star Wars fandom its victory.

The Star Wars brand and its fans have turned on each other, and it’s an ugly sight. It’s especially difficult for those who just want to enjoy Star Wars without getting into the fight.

The comic industry has pandered to intersectionality for a long time, so it shouldn’t be the least bit controversial to say that they have. What’s really interesting is that independent publishers that refuse to toe the line are gaining in popularity, and comic book shops that have long since sided with intersectionality have no idea what to do about them. In some cases, they’ve even turned away paying customers just for wanting their products. The author of a rising star comic series called “Jawbreakers” has voiced his disagreement with the mainstream narrative, and his comic is being sought out by sympathetic comic readers, even though his political opinions aren’t being expressed in his comics. Another comic gaining in popularity as a result of the consumer uprising would be Cyberfrog, which amazingly raised over $300,000.00 through crowdfunding!

The comics industry should never have ramrodded a political narrative into their products to begin with, but since they’ve decided to, it’s nice to see that consumers have strongly expressed what they really wanted by throwing huge piles of money at the alternatives. It’s sad that a divide occurred between the comics industry and its consumers, and it could have been prevented with the understanding of the principle that there is a wrong place and time to soapbox.

Thankfully, The Pokemon Company has remained politically uninvolved. That’s great for me, because Pokemon has long been one of my favorite games, and it would be sad to see the company co-opted by a rather vocal and short-sighted minority.

Not everyone in the Pokemon community is the same way, as indicated by Bulbagarden’s Twitter feed:

bulbagarden embarrasses the pokemon community.png

The events at the US-Mexico border being referred to are the arrest of people who have entered the United States illegally (instead of through proper channels), and the decision was made not to take their children to jail along with them. The corporate media, tripping over itself as usual to make Trump look like Hitler, is making this out to be Trump tearing families apart.

I decided to check out the thread on Bulbagarden forums, and the virtue signalling hits you right away on the forum header:

bulbagarden turns on their virtue signals.png

Yes, Bulbagarden wants every child that visits their forum for Pokemon discussion to know that they can embrace their sexuality. Anyone see a problem, here?

As you would expect, the OP uses hyperbolic language to describe what they perceive as happening. Whether an intentional leftist shill or some unwitting pawn in a larger game, the outcome is just the same.

What I find particularly condescending is the following statement in the Twitter post:

We would like to stress that, for us, this is not a matter of politics but of basic human rights and decency.

In saying that they don’t see it as being about politics, but about basic human rights and decency, you’re not allowed to disagree with them without being a horrible human being, and if you don’t watch yourself, they might sic Antifa on you.

antifa lol.png

If it’s not about politics, why did the forum post encourage us to contact members of the House of Representatives or the Senate? Believe it or not, people don’t see politics as just some game where the parties are likened to some stupid sports teams. We know that politics are ideologically driven, which is why it matters so much that the people who are voted into office have their heads on straight. When it comes to matters where legislation offensive to human decency is enforced, the people who can make the biggest difference the fastest are elected officials.

And when the matter came to Trump’s attention, he signed an executive order ending the Obama-era legislation that separated families. So how about thanking him?

Thankfully, the very first reply to this thread shows that someone on Bulbagarden forums is thinking:

someone at bulbagarden has his head on straight.png

There’s my point. A community about Pokemon is no place for politics. At best, it’s off-topic. At worst, it’s divisive, and could tear the community apart regardless of how convinced you are of the nobility of the cause. When it comes down to it, a Pokemon community is where a person goes to get away from the world’s problems, not where moderation abuses their positions to push their own agendas. If the community is no longer a place that serves its purpose, people will go somewhere else for a community that does.

Get woke, go broke.

The Right Way to Play Pokemon Emerald

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Pokemon Emerald is one of the best Pokemon games, and is the definitive GBA Pokemon game. It’s not just called “Emerald”, it’s a true gem in the GBA library. There is nothing wrong with taking one’s time playing through Emerald and appreciating what this game has to offer.

However, this guide is for the man-on-a-mission; the one who seeks out the fastest and most practical way to play through the game. To help such players out, I’ve put together a team building guide for getting through Emerald quickly.

This guide is different from most team building guides that I’ve seen. Many in-game team building guides focus on making a balanced team of 6 battlers, suggesting that players keep all 6 throughout the game. These guides are flawed in that experience values tend to distribute better among fewer pokemon, and by late game, players would have been better off with 2 to 4 higher-level battlers than a full team of 6 pokemon that can’t quite hack it.

Another flaw with those teams is that they seldom consider HM users, leaving players that try them with the task of backtracking to either catch HM users or access PC boxes as they come across roadblocks.

Such guides also suggest keeping every teammate on their team for the rest of the game. While the authors do take care to select teammates that carry their weight for the rest of the game, sometimes, that’s not the most practical way to go about things. Sometimes, you have to box a pokemon that’s no longer carrying its weight, or once you have a pokemon that better serves its purpose.

What this guide gives you are suggestions that are designed to get you through the game. A core of battlers will be considered with the intent of covering the challenges you’d reasonably face in a playthrough, and suggesting HM users to give you maximum mobility.

With that, let’s get this team building guide underway:

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The first pokemon on your team would be your starter. It was close, as each of the Hoenn starters are pretty good. But for this game, the best starter would be Mudkip. Mudkip has an advantage at the first gym, so things are easy for it when getting started. But it gets even better when it evolves to Marshtomp. As a combination Water/Ground type, its only weakness is Grass. It’s a double weakness, but Grass attacks are infrequent. With its ground typing, it’s great against the third gym. It’s final form, Swampert, is kind of slow. However, its offensive and defensive stats are great, and Swampert has access to strong Water, Ground, and Rock attacks, giving this pokemon some great coverage against many opponents.

taillow

Surprised? So am I. But Taillow actually is an effective early-game pokemon. Its defensive stats are really low, which is something to be careful about. But it’s very fast and has a pretty good Attack stat, so it can hit pretty hard with Wing Attack, which it learns at level 13. Taillow evolves to Swellow at level 22, which results in an even greater boost to its Attack and Speed. Taillow does a great job of making sure that an opposing Grass type isn’t an auto-loss, which is really important considering your rival will eventually face you with Grovyle. What’s more, Taillow will have an advantage in the second gym. Taillow will eventually be replaced with another pokemon, but it’s great at its job until then.

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Zigzagoon is a decent HM user. It can be taught Cut, Surf, and Rock Smash. Of those three, you’re likely to use Cut soon after catching it (after getting the first badge), and it can use Rock Smash when you need a pokemon that can use it. Surf comes much later in the game, but by then, you’ll have other pokemon that can learn it. Zigzagoon has a gimmicky use: some players like to try to get a few of them with the Pickup ability and benefit from the items it might pick up after battles. The Pickup item list is different in Emerald, and is influenced by the Pickup pokemon’s level, but it’s still a nice ability that could pay for itself before long. Later, on Route 119, you’ll be able to find Zigzagoon and Linoone that have levels in the 20s, which makes it easier to obtain better items. Unused space in your party can be put to use to obtain items.

ralts

A fan favorite, and a pretty good choice. But I had a tough time adding Ralts to this list because it’s encounter rate is so low (4% on Route 102), and is pretty weak at first. However, Ralts has an advantage against the second gym, and evolves into a pretty good Psychic type. Ralts and it’s family learn strong Psychic moves by level, as well as Calm Mind, and it can learn Thunderbolt from a TM for decent coverage. Abra is a good pokemon of the same type, but Kadabra has to be traded to get Alakazam, which might not be an option. Therefore, the nod goes to Ralts. Ralts is not necessary for this playthrough, but you can go with it if the thought of going with just your starter and a Flying type for a while bothers you.

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In Dewford Town, next to the gym is a fisherman who gives you an Old Rod. It also happens that it’s right there in Dewford Town that you could fish up a Tentacool with that very same rod. Tentacool is an awesome HM user in that between Tentacool and Tropius (which you can catch later) all 8 HMs can be learned, granting you full mobility while freeing up the rest of your team to teach whatever moves you please. Tentacool’s HM selection is Cut, Surf, Waterfall, and Dive. Most of those moves come much later in the game, but when the time comes to use them, Tentacool is an awesome choice to teach them to.

Also, while you’re in Dewford Town, you’ll obtain TM 47. I suggest saving that for the pokemon that I suggest next.

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When you make it to Route 119, Skarmory will be available to capture. Skarmory replaces Swellow, so you’ll be boxing Swellow for another team member. There are a few caveats to this choice worth mentioning. Some players would prefer holding onto Swellow because it’s faster and has a comparable Attack stat. Also, it can take a while to find a Skarmory, since it has only a 5% rate of encounter on Route 119. What’s more, Skarmory levels up slower than Swellow, and when you find Skarmory, it will likely be underleveled compared to the rest of your team.

So, why is Skarmory worth the trouble? Because it pairs excellently with Swampert. Swampert is weak to Grass, while Skarmory resists Grass moves for days. Skarmory is weak to Electric and Fire, two move types that don’t really bother Swampert. Swampert and Skarmory make an excellent tag team which rocks when played well. What’s more, Skarmory benefits well from the bounty of resistances that its Steel typing offers, and thanks to its flying type, it’s immune to the Ground moves that would normally plague Steel types.

You find Skarmory at level 16, and it comes with Peck and Swift, which are so-so attacks, and it doesn’t learn a decent offensive move by level until it learns Air Cutter at level 29. That’s why it’s a great idea to use TM 47 to teach Skarmory Steel Wing, so it has a decent Steel move. It’s also a good choice for Fly (the HM) or Aerial Ace (TM 40). Skarmory may take more EXP to level up, but experience splits pretty well between it and only one or two other teammates. If you can be picky about the ability, in-game Skarmory does pretty well with the Keen Eye ability, which makes life easier against opponents that like lowering Accuracy.

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On Route 119, Tropius appears 9% of the time, which isn’t too bad. Once you have it, you’ll have a pokemon that can learn all the HMs that Tentacool doesn’t. Tropius, along with Tentacool, will be your team’s dedicated HM users. With them, you’ll be set as far as HM users goes. You can do something similar by pairing Tropius with Gyarados, but Gyarados is a bit more challenging to obtain.

It’s also on Route 119 that you can find higher-leveled Zigzagoon or Linoone for better Pickup yields, if you’re interested.

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You get an opportunity to battle and catch Rayquaza after it resolves the Kyogre/Groudon dispute, and it can be found at the top of Sky Pillar, where you already met it. You’ll have seven badges at this point, so you’ll have almost beat the game. But having Rayquaza on your team ensures that you shred the rest of your way through. The only potential problem for Rayquaza would be Ice moves used by Juan, Glacia, and Wallace. But Rayquaza is so strong, they might not stand a chance, anyway.

Rayquaza comes at level 70, has superhigh stats, and already has team-wrecking moves without having to use a TM on it. But if you do teach it TMs, you’ll find that Rayquaza can learn many different types of moves. It’s a one-pokemon army. Just a few levels after catching it, Rayquaza learns Hyper Beam, which is great if your team needed a wave motion gun.

Rayquaza doesn’t have to replace any team member, but it’s so strong that it might make the rest of your team seem obsolete. The trick is catching the thing. Without resorting to using the Master Ball, catching Rayquaza is a tall order.

But what about…

Pokemon Emerald is packed with great pokemon, so picking out just a few for a team is challenging. Here are a few that didn’t quite make this team, but are still great pokemon.

Torchic – It evolves to a pokemon with great stats and typing, has a great movepool, and does well against several gyms. The nod went to Mudkip because it evolves to a pokemon with just one weakness that doesn’t come up often and is easily covered by another teammate. Also, Blaziken has several weaknesses, relatively low defenses, and its Speed, though higher, is just okay.

Aron – Great defensive typing in Rock/Steel and an awesome Defense stat means that the many Normal moves that you see in-game, especially early on, will hardly leave a dent. However, Aron and family doesn’t take strong Special attacks very well, especially from Water types.

Abra – Needs to be traded to evolve to its final form. If that’s an option, Abra’s a great alternative to Ralts. However, Gardevoir can learn Thunderbolt, while Alakazam would have to settle for Shock Wave.

Miscellaneous other great pokemon such as Lotad or Shroomish – Making this list wasn’t easy, and neither was excluding pokemon that really aren’t bad. Hoenn has a lot of great pokemon. If you’d rather use a pokemon that didn’t make the team, it’s your call. It’s not like Emerald is especially hard. Personally, I wouldn’t be surprised if I saw a lot of disagreement with the choices, here. It goes to show how balanced the Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald games are that there are so many choices that work well. Unlike Crystal, where if you get an Abra with elemental punches, it could take you through nearly every opponent you face.

What team would you use to get through Pokemon Emerald?

My opinion of Pokemon: Let’s Go

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It’s been over a week since Nintendo announced the next main Pokemon games which will be for Nintendo Switch. I think that’s enough time to consider what we’ve been presented with, pondering the implications for the Pokemon series and allowing the information to gel in our minds.

Here’s the trailer for those who haven’t seen it yet:

While one might imagine that I’d be among the most critical of a Kanto retread or of the mechanical changes that the trailer showed us, I’m actually quite optimistic about the new games, and I’m looking forward to them.

I think it’s obvious that GameFreak is looking to make a game that is appealing to as many people as possible. It’s a safe move, but it comes at the risk of alienating a few who might miss some of the game mechanics that they were familiar with for a long time, or who might have wanted a new region to run around in with fresh pokemon.

First, of the fact that this is a Kanto retread, I would have been skeptical of the idea of another Pokemon game that tread through Kanto. After all, as I’ve pointed out already, about one-third of all Pokemon games have included the Kanto setting, so it’s easy to make the case that this setting is over-represented. In fact, I’ve only just last week continued playing my eShop copy of Pokemon Crystal, which I left off after having beat the champion, right before the journey would have continued with the Kanto region. I’ve been through the region so many times, so going through it again kind of seemed like a chore.

However, I would have been in favor of a Kanto retread if GameFreak had some ideas that would make the experience more interesting. By the looks of it, they certainly have! I would have liked seeing what Kanto would have looked like with 3D models, which is just what they did.

Another point of contention among the fans would be the art direction. I know that some might not be fond of the idea of returning to a deformed chibi art style for Pokemon Let’s Go, considering that we’ve had more proportioned characters in Pokemon Sun and Moon. However, the art style in Sun and Moon was very much the exception. Overworld characters were done in the chibi style in nearly all Pokemon games, so it’s very much appropriate that Let’s Go uses this style. It’s certainly the style that was used in the Pokemon Yellow game that these games are based off of, which makes it even more appropriate.

pokemon pikachu red.pngWhat a Pokemon game looks like.

Another point of discussion is the Pokemon Go style capture mechanics. This is a bit of a risky move, as the wild pokemon battle has been a series mainstay since the very beginning. However, it’s a move that simplifies the game and makes it more approachable to casual gamers, particularly ones familiar with Pokemon Go.

This is a bit of a tangent, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about, and this seems like an appropriate place to bring it up: I find it kind of funny when someone complains about a major game mechanic change in a new installment in a franchise, saying that it somehow makes the game less hardcore.

Fast Fact: There are no hardcore games. Hardcore is a designation of a person who plays video games, and is not a category of the games themselves.

Hardcore gamers play the same games that the rest of us play, including the casuals. What makes hardcore gamers different is that they play these games consummately, putting a large amount of play time into their games, and they tend to play their games until the point that they beat them, possibly much more.

While one can point out that the average hardcore gamer spends more on games than your typical gamer, non-hardcore gamers make up the overwhelming majority of gamers, so it stands to reason that ordinary gamers make a majority of game purchases. This being the case, what point would there be for game companies to pander to the hardcore audience, especially if they’re going to play the games anyway by virtue of the fact that they’re hardcore?

Returning to the main point, Pokemon Go capture mechanics aren’t anything that players aren’t already familiar with, considering just how many people out there are familiar with Pokemon Go. This site lists several statistics for Pokemon Go as of just last month, with the following being the main ones I want to bring to your attention:

  • Daily active players: 5 million (amazing for a game nearly two years old)
  • Number of active users: 65 million (this number alone exceeds the total sales of any generation of Pokemon games)
  • Number of downloads: 800 million (about 1/10th of the world’s population)
  • Total revenue for Pokemon Go: $1.2 billion (from a business perspective, this game is doing something very, very right)

So, who exactly is being alienated by the new Pokemon Go style capture mechanics? Pokemon Go is familiar to just about everyone with a smart phone, and the capture mechanics are just about everything there is to that game.

That doesn’t mean that there aren’t concerns. After all, in times past, one could level grind off of wild pokemon. That can still be done if your party still gained experience points off of pokemon captured. But for late game level grinding, nothing beats going up against the Elite Four. Trainer’s pokemon give more experience for battles, so they’re a better choice for level grinding.

The two-player co-op seems like an interesting idea, but the challenge might be to find another player to give it a go. There are several people in my family who play Pokemon, so it wouldn’t be much problem for me to find someone else who plays. But not everyone is in the same situation as me. There are players out there that don’t know many people who play the game, so they’re likely to have a far harder time giving the mode a try. One thing they could do is try to incentivize playing the mode with some strong rewards for players that try it, but that would risk making players that have a hard time finding other people to play with feeling further excluded. There’s the obvious fact that you can 2v1 some in-game opponents, which doesn’t seem like a fair fight, but it can help players overcome some tough opponents.

Now for my favorite feature: there are no more random battles. Wild pokemon appear on the overworld, and you can see the identity of the pokemon as it wanders about. If you want to try to capture it, you walk up to it.

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This is something that I’ve wanted to see in a Pokemon game since the very beginning! And they did it! They actually did! Finally, trips through caves are no longer a chore! No frequent interruptions when you have to travel through grass! You can avoid the pokemon you’re not interested in if you’re looking for a certain kind! Everything is right with this!

I don’t know a single person who is just fine with being annoyed by random Zubats every few steps in a cave, so I think that just about everyone is okay with this change. Let’s move on.

Another neat new feature is the Pokeball Plus controller. It’s a bit of a gimmick, but it seems okay. It can work as an optional controller for playing Pokemon Let’s Go, and can add more authenticity to the experience when doing the Pokeball throw. It’s also notable in that it can act as a Pokemon Go Plus device when used with Pokemon Go. I don’t imagine I’d be getting much out of this, and I’d think that anyone with an Apple Watch would have preferred using the Pokemon Go watch app over using Pokemon Go Plus. It’s gimmicky, not really necessary, but I might still give it a try.

What I’d like to see is how creative the modding community gets in making custom pokeballs with the Pokeball Plus.

Pokeball-Plus.jpgPaint me.

The next games are supposed to have a transfer compatibility with Pokemon Go. The transfer process seems to be one-way from Pokemon Go to Pokemon Let’s Go. There are some interesting implications to this.

One of which would be that completing the Kanto pokedex will be a snap if you’ve already made huge progress in Pokemon Go. It’s better news still if you’ve managed to obtain Mew in Pokemon Go, since it means that you’re going to have the rarest Kanto pokemon on day one. But I do wonder whether the stats would be recalculated when transferred. I managed to get a Mew that is statistically flawless in Pokemon Go, so if the stats would change, I’d be a little hesitant to send it over.

So then, if the transfer process is one way, would that mean that Pokemon Go might at some point be phased out? I doubt it would happen any time soon, considering that, as shown above, Pokemon Go still has a huge player base, and still makes huge money.

What’s more, would this also mean that Johto or Hoenn pokemon might be in Let’s Go, considering that these pokemon are available in Pokemon Go?

So far, there hasn’t been any word about compatibility with Pokemon Bank or any Gen 7 game. Does this mean that Pokemon is undergoing a hard reboot, and all the old pokemon are going to be stuck in the past? If so, that might not be too bad a thing. After all, online trading from 4th to 7th gen has been plagued with hacked pokemon, and preventing them from being traded up might keep them from continuing to influence the game. Nintendo has been doing a lot more to discourage cheating, such as banning players that do it from using Nintendo network services. Obviously there’s cheating in Pokemon Go, but we’ve been seeing bans there, too.

Another roadblock for cheaters would be the fact that Switch will have paid online features. A paid online feature would act as a deterrent to those who would take the experience less seriously and might drag it down for the rest of us. What’s more, it would ensure that everyone using the feature will have invested something into it, so they’d have a financial loss as a penalty for breaking the rules. Putting the online service behind a paywall might be what it takes to filter out those that misuse it, and bannings can take care of the rest of the undesirables.

The pokemon-following thing has also made a comeback, which has been absent since gen 4. It does include the option to ride pokemon, which might be a variant of the ride mechanic in gen 7. How this will be implemented is something I’m interested in knowing, as I wasn’t a big fan of HMs in most Pokemon games, which forced players to keep certain pokemon in their party and dedicate moveslots to ensure that progress isn’t impeded by roadblocks.

But even if there are still HMs, it won’t be a big deal, since players now get a PC box that they can access whether they’re in a Pokemon Center or not. I’ve wanted to see a feature like that for a long time, so it’s great to see it finally happen!

The end of the trailer mentions a special pokemon that you’ll meet in Pokemon Go after having connected with Let’s Go. It’s already confirmed that this will be a new pokemon, and is not the Alolan Exeggutor that became available right after the trailer was shown. That would mean that there will be one new pokemon in these new games. But would Let’s Go be a 7th generation game, or 8th generation? Are we getting to the point that the generation designations are arbitrary?

And speaking of Alolan pokemon, those will be in Let’s Go, as well. I don’t know how they’ll be implemented, but I suspect that they might be available in certain areas in the game. The previous remakes for the 1st gen games, FireRed and LeafGreen, included extra areas called the Sevii Islands. If those islands function like the Alola region as far as Alola variants are concerned, that would answer the question of how they could implement these variants in future games.

That’s what I think of these games so far. More information will be available next week, when they’ll be playable at E3. But at this point, I’m really looking forward to them, and they might just be the change that the Pokemon series has needed for a long time.

If you’re planning on getting physical copies, you might have a difficult time of it by the time November comes around. As of this writing, Amazon has already sold out of preorders for the Let’s Go Pikachu version. I’ll more likely get a digital download, which I’ve been doing for most Switch games up to this point. I might get both versions, and which one I get first will likely be decided by version exclusives.

Let’s Go? Bring it.

Comb your hair.

comb.pngGive it a try.

Have you ever met someone who went all out to try to impress you, but they missed something completely obvious to everyone around them? It’s likely that you met the kind of person I’m talking about; it’s the guy who memorizes facts that he learned from listicle sites and YouTube countdown videos, but something is off about him which indicates a crippling lack of self-awareness, like bad hygiene.

What I’m getting at is that you should comb your hair. If you expect me to accept that you’ve become a great intellect but can’t be bothered to spend a moment each day combing your hair, what I’m really taking away from it is that you have some misplaced priorities.

As I see it, the main people who are excused from having to comb their hair are:

  • Bald people. If you don’t have hair, you don’t have to comb it.
  • People with buzz cuts. It’s a low-maintenance hair style, and combing it doesn’t make a difference.
  • Cavemen. Cavemen make it their business to look unkempt. This sounds awesome, until you realize that cavemen don’t have video games, the internet, or smart phones.

If you have the hair of a caveman, what you’re telling the world is that you want to live like one. Living like a caveman sucks, so naturally, you’d want to avoid regressing into one. I like technology, so I don’t want to live like a caveman. I also avoid looking like a caveman so I’m not mistaken for one. If you actually do like science like so many kids pretend to, then you should want to avoid looking like someone who doesn’t.

I once met a kid who was in such a hurry to convince everyone that he’s super smart, but his hair looked like a tornado hit a loom. Nice try kid, but your hair prevents me from taking you seriously. Have you seen yourself in a mirror lately?

114.pngThis thing has better hair.

The kid had a head that seemed huge, not because his head was significantly bigger than usual, but because the rest of his body was scrawny. On top of that, his hair was such a mess that it only added to the illusion of volume. He’d stand to benefit from combing it, even if his first time would take a while.

david turpin.png

He’d end up looking like a cult member, but at least he wouldn’t look like a total wreck. And that brings me to my next peeve. Combing your hair is a step in the right direction, but men are expected to get a haircut more than once a year. Whether it’s done by you, a stylist, or even your mom, getting your hair done as needed shows that you care about the rest of us enough to not drag down the atmosphere with your gross head-mop.

Don’t think that just because you’re ignoring it, the rest of us will, too. We laugh at your hair, whether you know it or not.