Category Archives: Humor

The Chris Chan Body Cam Arrest Footage Is So Insane It’s Crazy

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It’s finally happened, the body cam footage of the arrest of Chris Chan has been uploaded:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=f1agQE9Hr08

URL: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=f1agQE9Hr08

If anybody has any doubt that Chris Chan believes what he goes on about on social media, there he is, stating it as matter of fact to a squad of arresting officers. I bring this up because there are more than a few people out there who read about Chris, and have their doubts, like he has to be playing a character online, like all those TikTok celebs who are willing to do just about anything for only a little bit of e-clout.

But there he is, rattling off to a bunch of officers about Sonichus and Rosechus in what could be the most serious situation that he could find himself in. Because in his mind, all this stuff about dimensional merges is as real as can be. When he goes on and on about the things the officer’s children consume to stave off boredom, there he is, speaking of them as though they aren’t just made-up bullshit.

Consider the implications of this for Chris’ other delusions. He probably actually believes that he’s the most important person alive, with millions of people counting on him to bring about a world where cartoon characters coexist among us. He probably actually believes that he can will himself into a woman by listening to sound waves on YouTube. He probably actually believes that he’s a goddess and the living incarnation of an old game console. His pony persona is milk to that breakfast cereal of delusion that he keeps spooning into his face because he can’t get enough of it.

But it just keeps getting crazier. As Chris Chan is led away to a place where people like him belong, the officers take note of unusual cars gathered around. For a moment, they entertain the thought that they’re arresting someone who’s on a watch list (a strong possibility), and they may have to speak to a few feds. But no, these were a bunch of weens chasing Chris Chan for clout. From the perspective of the officers, hearing the exchange between Chris Chan and online influencers had to have been surreal.

But the climax was when Chris was conversing with the officer driving him to the station. That was when Chris was explaining the dimensional merge, and the opportunity to meet characters like Spider Man. I could easily imagine the officer accidentally rear-ending another vehicle while attempting to comprehend the madness he was hearing.

And then, with no prompt whatsoever, Chris spills it about his polyamorous marriage with fictional characters, including his own creation Magi Chan and the Pokémon Mewtwo.

Let’s hear it for the officers, who maintained their composure throughout the whole ordeal. It couldn’t have been easy. And, without question, they played their part in making society a safer place for the rest of us.

But they had homework to do. It’s easy to imagine that at least one of them went home and looked up just how famous Chris Chan is online, and ended up bingeing Geno Samuel’s long-running documentary. And then probably entertained the idea of running off to somewhere like French Polynesia to escape all the attention they might end up getting.

Without a doubt, the Chris Chan arrest body cam footage is the single funniest piece of Chris Chan media ever produced, and it’s going to be hyper-analyzed by autists the world over for years to come.

Chuck Schumer’s grill skills

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Father’s Day is one of those days where the political elite, including Chuck Schumer, pretend that they can identify with those of us who buy boxes of spaghetti when times are tough.

But things aren’t so tough for his daughter and her wife, because they were somehow able to buy a house in this economy, where property taxes and the cost of energy have pushed the cost of everything else into the stratosphere, and Chuck’s constituents are dutifully blaming the businesses that are struggling to keep up with overhead costs.

Economics, amirite?

So here we are, looking on as Chuck Schumer takes to social media to let us know that he is a normal daddy who is also normal like himself, and he fired up the grill and celebrated something the way Americans know how: by eating stuff. Seeing an undoubtedly completely natural photo op, he posted the picture above.

The first thing that I noticed, before even that the man in the picture is Chuck Schumer, is how he’s cooking his hamburger: with a stack of American cheese sitting directly on a raw beef patty.

LOL wut?

It doesn’t escape my imagination that someone who is as out of touch as Chuck Schumer would pose for a photo op that’s so cheesy that only an AI image generator that’s been outdated for five whole minutes would give it a pass.

But what really requires a suspension of disbelief is that he somehow lived to a ripe old age when his cooking technique with ground beef could land someone in a hospital, especially if he were to try something similar with chicken.

But the cheese resting on raw beef is not the only thing wrong with this picture. Putting aside Chuck Schumer. See it?

Not only was the cutting board taken outside, where it won’t do anything, a pair of glasses were set directly on top of it, presumably before going right back on someone’s face. And worse yet, they were set lenses down, something that a person with glasses should know to not do.

Now, based on what you’re seeing, what is the likelihood that Chuck and his family know anything about guns and gun safety? And with what intellectual capital is he in the position to influence public policy, including gun control?

Whether it’s Chuck Schumer or his social media team, someone was bright enough to figure out that he was being criticized, because his post featuring the picture was removed from X. But perplexingly enough, this was the filter through which his photo was passed to make it onto X.

But as we know, what goes on the internet stays on the internet.

To wrap this up, what follows is a complete list of everything right with the picture above:

Cart Narcs may be just what’s needed to restore your limited faith in humanity.

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You may have heard of the “shopping cart test”. It goes like this: If you return your shopping cart to the cart return (or corral, or whatever you call it), then you can function in society. If not, then probably not so much.

The reason why it’s so effective as a test is because it’s a simple ethical consideration: you get nothing for bringing the cart to the cart return when you’re done with it, but it’s a little thing that’s expected of people to keep society running smoothly.

If you don’t, and you leave the cart loose in the parking lot, then that means that you’re only considering your own convenience, and are expressing indifference towards other people who may want to use a parking space that the cart might occupy, or that the cart might damage a car if it were to roll away.

Do you do your small part to keep society neat and orderly, or are you only concerned with your own convenience?

That’s something to consider when watching the Cart Narcs, who confronts the lazy and self-centered among us, in the interest of getting the “lazy bones” among us to reconsider their choices.

The Cart Narcs are social media personalities who go to parking lots, and confront the lazy people who don’t bring their carts to cart returns when they’re done with them. It’s a simple premise, but pure entertainment.

See for yourself. Here’s the latest update on their YouTube channel as of this posting:

One thing that I can appreciate about what the Cart Narcs does is the risk that they take with each confrontation. After all, if someone is the kind of person who places their own convenience over keeping society running smoothly, they’re probably simple-minded to the point that they don’t think things through, and might tend towards violence.

Yet, such people are seldom physically fit, so they wouldn’t be great at that, either.

One of the reasons why I appreciate the Cart Narcs as much as I do is because I once worked as a cart fetcher at a supermarket. In fact, the store was so busy that that was just about all I did throughout my shift while I was there. And in my time there, I got to see humanity on full display, complete with its entitlement and laziness.

I often did see customers just leave their carts between parking spaces. It was a mild inconvenience for me, but I didn’t see it as so much of a problem that it would have been worth confronting anyone about it. And it often went that it evaded my notice until after the customer drove off.

It didn’t take long working that job to see it all, after which point returning for another shift was like tuning in to a rerun for a show that was never fun to watch to begin with.

I’ve seen quite a few lazy people, and in the case of many of them, it wasn’t hard to see that they’re not right in the head. It’s because of this that I respect the efforts of the Cart Narcs. There’s also the fact that there are people out there who really need to hear what the Cart Narcs have to say.

Also, they make me remember how glad I am that I no longer work in customer service. Some people out there are only fit to be drowned.

Vaush opened the wrong folder.

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When I first heard about the breadtuber Vaush, I assumed that he didn’t really believe what he was saying, and would have guessed from his vocabulary that he was talking way over the heads of the pro-socialism typicals who love the big words they don’t know the definitions of, and that Vaush was yet another grifter who was gaming the algorithm because he knew how. Thus, I didn’t much discuss him because I didn’t want him to have any more publicity.

But then, on a Feb 7 stream, he demonstrated a flagrant lack of basic datasec. He opened his own private stash on livestream.

Which, by the way, was on a folder on his desktop. And there among his stash was a folder labeled “Taxes”.

The use of the term “private stash” may have given you an idea of just the kind of stuff that his live viewers were treated to. But to be more specific, much of it was “horse stuff” and loli art, some of it seemed to have been AI-generated.

Since then, Vaush has gone on damage control, describing the characters with the loli aesthetic as being more “goblin” in body shape, as though he was into fantasy art, and explaining that he thought that the loli was just drawings of women with “short stack” builds. Basically the “she’s actually 3000 years old” defense.

While some of his viewers and critics may be wondering whether Vaush is going to jail, right now, it seems like the answer is “no”. While loli may be illegal in many places in the world, it is not illegal in the United States, where Vaush resides (the U.S. has the 1st Amendment, which protects free expression, and the apparent contents of his folder falls under protected speech). Of course, just because something is legal doesn’t mean that you’d tell your mom about it, or that it’s allowed in every setting.

Nonetheless, that Vaush has accidentally outed himself as possessing horse and loli “stuff” has some interesting optics when you consider that in the past, he’s insisted that Nazis are pedophilia adjacent because they favor relationships with power imbalances, and similar takes.

When someone virtue-signals often, pay attention to what they say, as such a person tends to project.

While Vaush has had some questionable takes, there was some plausible deniability for a while, though I know not everyone has been giving him the benefit of the doubt. One could have easily assumed that he was making obvious efforts to stoke controversy in an effort to game the algorithm, and watch all the ad revenue roll in from all the room-temp-IQ muh-free-stuff socialists that will come to his defense by virtue of being in the same tribe. But now, much of what he’s had to say about bestiality and other topics has taken on some interesting new optics.

While this whole drama has made just about everyone an expert on datasec, I think there’s something that can be said about being more careful about who your influencer heroes are, particularly the ones who behave like Vaush does on social media. After all, even ordinary heroes are disappointing every now and then. But if someone has a habit of deliberately posting horribly offensive shit publicly, then maybe it’s a better idea to keep your distance. And when SHTF, you can look on as some of his ilk continue to defend him, and know that those who do are the true believers in his cult, willing to come to his defense no matter what, which is probably just the kind of following he really wanted.

I don’t know what’s in the future for Vaush, but at this point, it’s easy to imagine that few outside of his small clique of cultists will take him seriously, and that even his fellow breadtubers will want to keep their distance. Basically similar to what happened with Jack Murphy as his cuckolding controversy played out.

I’ll say that the legal stuff that Vaush has on his computer is his business. But what’s really creepy about him is that there’s some less legal stuff that he’s been low-key attempting to make acceptable. That doesn’t put him in great light.

Goofball Finds Support For Israel In Fast Food Wrapper

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You’re not ready for this. You’re about to laugh the hardest you have laughed in a long time.

You sitting down? Here we go:

As much as I’d like to believe that this was all some act, I know that people like this actually exist. When you’ve had a job in which you have to interact with the public, you see many different kinds.

But this is truly special. Here’s the kind of person who listens to a televangelist, and thinks that the sermon had some kind of special, hidden message that was intended specifically for them. The kind of person who makes financial decisions based on horoscopes, and names their kids after the first name they hear after turning on the radio, because fuck any chance they could have at living normal.

“Wow. What does that resemble?” Could it be the McDonald’s logo? A helpful reminder of where you just spent your money? The icon to blame for making you fat?

The moment you heard the woman say, “This is in support of Israel.”, you couldn’t see the guy’s face, but you could hear it drop. I know that wage slaves are under enormous pressure to maintain a veneer of professionalism, but I can’t imagine any manager out there would fault him for saying, “Are you serious?”

But you heard her tone, she was as totes cereal as a sack of processed grains at the supermarket.

What are the odds that two basic colors used on fast food packaging could coincidentally resemble the colors of Israel’s flag? So low that, according to the people who put watermelons in their X posts because the colors are similar to the colors of the Palestinian flag, it couldn’t be a coincidence, and must necessarily indicate support for the state of Israel.

I get the fact that stupid people believe in synchronicities to help them cope with the fact that they’re going to die someday, and that there is nothing special about them, but it’s time to keep it real: belief in synchronicities can destroy your mind. And the above video has shown us a great example.

Dude No Longer Has Free Wi-Fi, Complains To Neighbor

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Sometimes, a guy with a screw loose will come right up to you, and surprise you with what they say. This is one of those times.

A man visited his neighbor complaining that he put a password on his wi-fi, so he can no longer use it for free. And the exchange was caught on video:

I can say first of all that, depending on where you live, it may be illegal to access your neighbors wi-fi without their permission, even if it’s not password-protected.

Second, while it’s great that the man learned well enough to put a password on his wi-fi, he’s probably got some double-digit IQ datasec practices if it took him two years to figure out that that it’s a good idea, and only arrived at that determination after hearing advice. Wi-fi has been widespread for about two decades, and its best practices have been pretty well-established. I can imagine that he’s still yet to use a VPN or ad-blocking software.

Now, let’s get to the heart of the issue at hand. A man has been using another man’s wi-fi for free, without permission. And he’s been doing it for so long and justifying it with his own flawed reasoning that when he suddenly had to do without, he feels slighted.

So, what does he do? He goes up to his neighbor and complains about it, and two worlds collide.

I can only imagine what the guy has been doing with his neighbor’s wi-fi that caused it to slow down to the point that it’s become noticeable. Perhaps he’s been downloading the latest Final Fantasy games in a handful of European languages, not because he has any intention of actually playing them, but because if he’s going to do something so illegal, he may as well go for the gusto.

Of course, we can appreciate just how goofy a guy is that he doesn’t seem to understand how wi-fi works. He knows well enough how to hook up to an unsecured network, but seems to think it’s location based, as though one device on a network can’t tax bandwidth if it’s used outside of one’s personal property. I get the idea that the guy may have had some help connecting.

While the guy suggests a couple solutions to his new lack of access to wi-fi, I have a better one: stop being so cheap and get your own ISP.

This is sad.

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You know that a man has a passion when he’s willing to turn away a sweet opportunity for it. And that’s just what we see in the following video:

Your eyes didn’t deceive you. A woman who was at least average met a man who was well below average on a dating game, and the man dismissed her out-of-hand because she wasn’t into Marvel movies.

The more I think about it, the sadder it gets.

For one thing, the guy clearly has an addiction. That’s what it’s called when someone allows something to interfere with other, more important areas of their life. And from a biological perspective, nothing a person does is more important than the continuity of their genes. To that end, a person seeks a partner of the opposite sex. But Marvel Movie Guy turned down a woman who’s well out of his league because she didn’t care for his taste in movies.

What’s more, there’s the fact that he wasn’t willing to give her a chance, just like that, over something so trivial. The fact is, relationships succeed with compromise. The two people involved are separate individuals, and won’t agree on everything. Because of this, relationships work better when both parties understand that they won’t always see eye-to-eye. And when that comes to a different taste in movies, that’s not usually a big deal.

Except, with Marvel Movie Guy, it is a big deal. And with him, not liking them is up there as an instant dealbreaker like smoking and belief in astrology would be to most men.

While we’re criticizing the guy to a pulp, I’ll also take the opportunity to point out that Marvel Movie Guy is not attractive. He looks like he already has a thing going on with food, and it’s an abusive relationship. Aren’t Hawaiian print shirts normally a little loose? But that guy was filling his right up!

I’d have imagined that the woman would have been the one to dismiss him on sight. When it comes down to it, one’s appearance is the most obvious outward sign of one’s virtues, and to that end, physical fitness says a lot.

I don’t know what the guy plans on doing going forward. Especially now that he’s got an online rep for being the guy who turned down a woman because she wasn’t into Marvel movies. Once he develops some amount of self-consciousness, he’s going to realize that he’s got a lot to live down.

Also, the woman called Marvel movies “anime”. That’s cute.

New York City Teacher Does TikTok Presentation About Sexualities of Nintendo Characters, Says She Was Only Kidding

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What New York calls an educator.

There’s a teacher in New York by the name of Remy Elliott (certified as Jeremy William Elliott) who decided that it would be a good idea to do a video on her TikTok account in which she assigned various gender identities to Nintendo characters, such as Mario and Princess Peach.

According to her TikTok presentation, “Mario came out so long ago most people forgot”. Not only that, she claimed that Luigi is demisexual, Princess Daisy is bisexual and polyamorous, Toad is ready to come out as a trans-girl, and Yoshi completed transition to a male, complete with breast-removal surgery that left no scars.

As I read about this, it became apparent to me that the presentation was a joke, which was something that Remy did assert. But even so, to make a presentation like this when representing your school district as an educator seems like an insanely bad move.

But just in case you doubt where this piece of work stands in the culture war, Remy claims to have a trans flag, a bisexual flag, and a non-binary flag on her desk at her work, which would be at school. She did this to show just how accepting she was of these things.

The only reservation she had concerning what she shared with her students concerned her polyamory, because that “is not in the conversation”. But she did confer with administrators, who agreed that it would be appropriate with her to speak with students about her relationships.

I disagree. A teacher’s job is to teach, preferably on the topic of the class in question. It’s certainly no place for any educator to bring up personal matters, especially not personal matters of a sexual nature, and certainly not with students who are still minors. What’s even more vexing is that the school district’s administration, after hearing of Remy’s polyamory, approved the teacher to speak of it, rather than immediately shooting it down for the repugnant idea that it was, or at least recognizing the potential for controversy and bad press.

She said: ‘This is not a conversation that conservatives are having at all. They’ve decided… like, you can’t do this at all, there’s no place for it. 

So, now we know what a depraved half-wit does when she ignores any voice of reason. She’ll upload a presentation to TikTok which bullshits about the sexual identities of Nintendo characters.

‘And that just shows such a lack of thought and care. They’re not understanding of the people. They’re children as people and where they’re at.’

And, no surprise, she’s of a mind that determines that it’s ageist to say that it’s wrong to introduce sexual deviancy to children.

Notice how she’s registered under the name “Jeremy William Elliott”? She is actually a he.

So yeah, we have yet another case of a man identifying as a woman, likely in an attempt to make it easier to approach children about sexual matters.

She added: ‘It’s also strange to point out that they have genders and sexualities, as being a cisgender heterosexual man is in fact a gender and sexual orientation.’

How he arrived at the conclusion does not follow. The fact that Mario is apparently straight does not make it unusual to talk about the genders and sexualities of Nintendo characters. In fact, there are some cases where mature, adult fans may prefer to speculate about this topic, to the end of coming to a better understanding of the characters in question. Putting aside, of course, the fact that the characters in question are seldom, if ever, sexualized in the official materials. What makes the matter unusual in Remy’s case is that he wished to publicly have the conversation as an educator, with dozens of ninth-graders presumably involved.

‘As part of my DOE employment, despite being primarily hired as an English Teacher, teaching our established and vetted sex education curriculum was not only something I was hired for, it was something I was trained and qualified in.’

That was a shitty move on the DOE’s part. After all, Remy can’t be counted on to present the sexualities of Nintendo characters in good faith. I’ve been a Nintendo fan for decades, so I can take issue with many of the claims that Remy makes.

For one thing, Mario and Luigi are evidently straight. This is presumably one of the reasons behind why they go after princesses Peach and Daisy. They want some of that vertical smile. For Toad to transition to a girl would be redundant for his franchise, because his sister Toadette is already a character in those games. Then there’s Remy’s assertion that Yoshi had “top surgery”. Yoshi is a reptile. Reptiles don’t have mammaries.

She added that she only ever spoke of her personal life ‘within reasonable limits.’ 

It’s great to know that Remy is willing to draw the line somewhere, even if that line should have been placed well before telling minors that Princess Daisy is “hella bisexual”. But, who knows? Maybe Remy will do another installment where she points at Samus Aran as being trans, and Link as being a closet fairy. Yoshio Sakamoto and Shigeru Miyamoto don’t seem to be in any hurry to represent the perversity of the moment, so perhaps Remy will step forward to help them out?

Hey Pennsylvania, What Is Wrong With You?

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The midterms are mostly over. Votes are still being counted, and Democrats are acting as though they’ve won just because they didn’t lose as catastrophically as they deserve. Georgia is looking at a runoff, and we’re still awaiting some results. No surprise there. There wasn’t much expectation that it would all go smoothly.

But what I’d like to zoom in on now is Pennsylvania. Oh, Pennsylvania. What is wrong with you?

I do live in Pennsylvania, so it’s not like some criticism from the outside looking in. But just because I’m here, doesn’t mean I know what the people here are thinking. Especially those to the left.

It’s not as though I don’t hear what they’re saying. Every now and then, one of them meanders out of one of our three major cities, expresses wonder and awe at all the “unused space”, then proceeds to bloviate about what he thinks makes a successful society.

But what I don’t have an explanation for is why about 2.6 million of them became party to sending John Fetterman to the Senate.

I know that it’s usually inspirational for a person who suffered from an illness to succeed in spite of that. However, when the illness leaves a person less capable of performing a task where many people are counting on him, then the better choice is to have someone else do the job.

The poor guy suffered from a stroke. During his debate with Dr. Oz, he could barely string a sentence together, and frequently failed to form a coherent response.

Were the Democrats of Pennsylvania simply unaware of this? A lot hinges on the answer to this question. Either the Dems were unaware of the capacity of their own candidate and were therefore uninformed voters, or they were so vote-blue-no-matter-who that they’d be happy to hand a rubber stamp to a seat warmer.

It’s not as though they’ve done Fetterman any favors. Can you imagine the unintelligible internal monologue of someone who has not fully recovered from a stroke? Can you imagine how confused and disoriented such a person would be as they are ushered from one place to another and told what to say?

Considering that the current presidential administration is basically Weekend At Bernie’s, I think we can say that a pattern has been established.

But as bad as that is, it gets worse. Democrat Tony DeLuca won reelection. In spite of being dead.

You may be wondering how a dead man found his way on the ballot. His passing occurred last month, at which point, it was too late to remove him from the ballot. It’s been decided that a special election will be held.

While it’s possible that DeLuca’s reelection was on similar reasoning as Fetterman’s (ignorance or sheer tribalism), it may be that the people voted for DeLuca in an effort to force a special election, not wanting the victory to go to his opponent, who was a third-party candidate.

Third-party candidates sure do have it rough. Their run for office is usually little more than a cynic’s quest. Unless there’s some prize to be won for throwing tons of time and money into an endeavor that ends up going nowhere.

In any case, it’s refreshing to see the Democratic voting base so accurately represented.

Microsoft Drops NPC Update With New Pride Flag (seizure warning)

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Here it is, the new pride flag, according to Microstiff:

I can only imagine the headaches that this new design will cause. An ocular migraine doesn’t look this intense.

What’s more, this new flag looks like a logistical nightmare. Can you imagine all the colors that would have to be used to print these flags, which could end up outside the porches of homes that we tell our children to avoid all across America? Then there’s all the flags that would be rejected by reason of smudging the colors, which would have a high potential of occurring with all the different colors used.

The flag reminds me of Ancient Greece. Not just for the debauchery it represents, but for how similarly the Greeks handled idolatry. They wanted to ensure that they honored every god that they knew. And with how heavily pantheistic they were, they knew a lot of them. It got to the point that some of their cities were so packed with statues, that cities like Athens were said to have more gods than men.

Eventually, people just decided to set up pedestals with plaques that read, “To the unknown god”, in the hopes that, in so doing, they’d honor any god that they may have forgotten to build a statue for.

Perhaps we’re just months away from seeing a new pride flag that just says, “To the unknown sexuality”.