Making hamburgers is easy to do, but hard to do well. The following is a recipe for a good hamburger.

Before getting started, be sure that you have all of the ingredients ready. That’s a culinary basic.

Here is the list of ingredients:
Ground beef
Wheat kaiser roll
Brown mustard
Pepper Jack cheese
Pickles
Jalapeno slices

Lean ground beef works. When the fat content is higher, the fat usually cooks right off, and what’s left is a juicier, more flavorful hamburger. You’ll want to shape the beef by hand into a patty nearly an inch thick, and slightly wider than the roll you intend to use as the bun. The patty shrinks slightly as it cooks, so going large isn’t a bad policy. Besides, there’s something inviting about a hamburger that extends slightly beyond the bun.

Preferably, the hamburger should be cooked over an open flame, but it is acceptable to cook it on the stove over medium to medium-high heat. You’ll want the patty to remain on the heat for about half-a-minute to a minute, then turn it 45 degrees and allow it to cook on the same side. You’ll know that one side is done when the sides appear cooked (a brown-grey color), though if some juice boils through the burger, that’s a sign that one side is near done. Flip it over, and allow the other side to cook for the same amount of time, turning it 45 degrees after a short time of cooking.

At no point during cooking should you “smoosh” the burger with your spatula. Doing so causes juices to escape that would otherwise assist in the cooking of the hamburger, and make the burger flavorful and moist when it is done. Smooshing hamburgers results in dry hamburgers.

You’ll want a nice roll, and a wheat kaiser roll will do. Don’t settle for cheap hamburger buns. It’s a crying shame to put so much effort into making a nice hamburger with nice toppings only to put it on a cheap bun. A wheat kaiser roll would be great. By wheat, I don’t mean those cheap rolls that are only died brown in an attempt to trick poor people, and contain only trace amounts of wheat so that it could legally be called wheat on the package. Nice wheat rolls may cost a little more, but the result is a nicer hamburger. To get the most out of it, after it has been sliced, lightly toast your roll. This can be easily done by placing them directly on the surface the hamburger was cooked on for a few moments.

Next, it’s time for toppings. The mustard goes on the bottom roll, right between the bottom roll and the patty. The rest of the toppings go between the patty and the top bun. Brown mustard is preferred, but yellow mustard is okay. If you really like mustard, you could use both.

A cheese slice goes directly on top of the patty. Pepper jack is preferred, though muenster works as well. On top of that goes the pickles. Don’t use soggy pickles like the kind you’d expect to get at McDonalds. Vlasic has a variety of sandwich slice pickles. Those would work pretty well, or something like them. On top of that goes Jalapeno slices. Be generous with them. Optionally, a pineapple slice can be added. That may sound weird, but it actually goes great on hamburgers. Top with even more mustard and put the top bun in place. There you go.

With that, your hamburger should be ready. A recommended beverage to go with it is beer.

There are some who might wonder why some toppings are missing. One of these toppings would be bacon. I know that there are many people out there that think that bacon makes everything better. It doesn’t. Bacon is not a big, screaming deal. Stop fetishizing it.

What about relish? Relish is made from pickles, and when pickles are already included on the sandwich, relish is a little redundant. If you wish, you may substitute a suitable relish for the pickles.

Then there’s ketchup. I’m not really fond of ketchup. Ketchup is really more of a kid’s topping than something to put on a serious hamburger. What’s more, ketchup ruins the flavor of just about anything. Like eggs. If even a dab of ketchup touches eggs, they’re ruined. I had ketchup on eggs once. Accidentally. I hated it. Some people even put ketchup on their steak. Gross. Good steak isn’t cheap. A Delmonico steak at a nice restaurant would set a minimum wage worker back four or five hours of work. If a person is going to work so hard for a steak, they shouldn’t ruin it with cheap toppings.

Now you know how to make a great hamburger.