What can you do if you had $30,000? Let’s get a list going:

• Buy a brand new smart TV and still have over $29,000 remaining.
• Live like I once did in central Pennsylvania for about 2 years.
• Actually buy a new car. Like, new new. As in, it doesn’t smell like someone’s dog, or like someone cigarettes. The filters are new, the engine is well-oiled, you don’t have to look under the hood for a long time, and no one has driven the car before. That kind of new.
• Pay off approximately one year of a college education.
• Actually buy music.
• Leave the store with 88,235 boxes of store-brand macaroni and cheese from WalMart, without stealing any of it.
• Or splurge on 30,612 boxes of Kraft macaroni and cheese, the gold bling of macaroni and yellow powder.

• Go to GameStop and buy something like 471 new games (this list may intermittently consider sales tax), and watch how many opened games are inserted into cases before your eyes.
• Go to the liquor store and purchase about 1765 bottles of the most important foundational ingredient of a Jager bomb.
• Buy 1000 of them fancy Yankee Candles. Then tell your mom. She’ll be so proud that she won’t even be able to sleep that night.
• Assemble about 20 gaming rigs.
• Illegal stuff.
• Pay off the rent on a cheap-o one-bedroom apartment for about 3.5 years.
• About 368 of those blue tablets that are famous for increasing circulation in males.
• Buy the line of Apple products, five times.
• You’ll have enough money to drink Kool-Aid ironically.
• Buy about 2400 MREs, becoming the most disaster-prepared homie on the block.
• Buy about 7518 packs of Pokémon cards, becoming the coolest 10-year-old on the block.
• Invest in crypto, then watch the boomers who are dead-set against crypto freak out.
• You’d have a lot of manga to read. Like, about 3440 chapters on BookWalker. And depending on promotions, you could probably get piles more.
• Buy a ticket to the event to which AOC wore her now-infamous “Tax the Rich” dress.