Want to prove that you’re a cool guy? Why not shout at pedestrians?

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A while back, I was walking along a sidewalk, when a car passed by and someone shouted something at me. I don’t know what they said, but when someone does something like that, it’s typically some kind of obscenity.

“Great, another one of those guys.” I thought. You know what I mean, it’s yet another half-wit who only has the confidence to shout some mean words at someone because he’s doing so from the safety of a moving vehicle, with no apparent means of retaliation from the recipient.

Then something interesting happened. As he was shouting, he was approaching a traffic light. And it had just turned red.

So there I was, with the opportunity to approach the vehicle, and ask the passenger what he said. I decided to take it. So I walked up to the car and did just that.

Curiously, the passenger of the vehicle didn’t remember saying anything to me. A case of face-to-face amnesia? Whatever it was he said, none of the vehicles two or three other occupants cared to remind him what it was.

So, what did I do after that? I just walked off. Apparently, something about being in arms reach made them lose their nerve. What they did after that, I don’t care, but they presumably sped off at the first opportunity while high-fiving each other over how they handled that situation.

What’s the point of this story? I don’t know. Maybe that there are three or four cowards living in Maryland somewhere. Also, shouting at people from a moving car seems like a pathetic way to try to prove to your friends how cool you are. And if they’re impressed with something that has no risk involved, then their idea of a good time is probably watching the same Monty Python skit a dozen times. Not that I have anything against Monty Python, but there are people out there that can watch the same routine many times and still laugh. I really don’t know why.

4 Features still missing from the iPhone

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The new iPhone 7 has been revealed and released, and it seems like everyone is throwing a fit over the missing headphone jack.

It seems like this thing can’t be discussed without someone bemoaning the absence of another hole into which dust can get into their device, based on technological elements that have been implemented since 1878.

Personally, I think it’s about time someone took the bold move of phasing out the ancient headphone jack in favor of something like USB, or even a wireless connection like Bluetooth (which has been a thing for a while). Sure, this means that your old headphones might not be compatible with the new iPhone, but don’t act surprised. The cost of the forward movement of technology means that what came before tends toward obsolescence. Remember VHS tapes? We’ve since moved on to DVD. And speaking of, DVD is being phased out in favor of ~~Blu-Ray~~ digital downloads. What’s outdated eventually becomes a casualty of the war of progress.

Apple saw all the whining coming, so they went ahead and made a headphone adapter so you can continue to use your outdated headphones, and they even included it with the phone. As it turns out, the whiners are quite adaptive, because they’ve made their complaints about the theoretical few who like to listen to their music on their phone while their phone is charging. Here’s an idea: if you’re tethering your phone to your PC, why not just listen to music from your PC instead, considering that it’s right there? Or use the aforementioned Bluetooth.

It seems like people have forgotten that the iPhone is famous for missing features, so I’ve made a list of missing iPhone features to jog your memory.

1. Removable battery
Of the cell phones that I own, the iPhone is the only one that doesn’t have a removable battery. As anyone who has owned any cell phone would know, if you can’t swap out a depleted battery for a fresh one, the battery life of your phone becomes a serious issue. A phone can get away with having a pretty bad battery life if you can swap the battery out with replacements that you keep around.

2. SD card compatibility
We’re up to the 7th iteration of iPhone, not counting all the reissues of the same version, and the iPhone still lacks any capacity for storage expansion. Going back to comparing it to my other phones, the iPhone is the only cell phone of the ones I own that lacks a slot for Micro SD cards. Why is that? It’s an industry standard. Even my Nintendo 3DS came with an SD card.

So, what excuse does Apple have for not allowing expansion of storage using SD cards? From what I can tell, Apple would prefer to milk us by encouraging us to spend a lot of money for higher storage iPhones.

3. Smudge-resistant screen
It might be that I have a mild case of OCD, but I really hate the sight of fingerprints on my glossy tech. Especially on the display screens, because that can be really distracting. It’s nice that there are iPhone models that have a matte finish, but what does that do for the screen? What makes this an especially big deal for the iPhone is that the screen is the primary interface, and speaking of…

4. A slide-out keyboard
I’d like to know when it was decided that tactile feedback is obsolete. Here’s a hint: it isn’t. No one likes using a keyboard that doesn’t give a satisfying click with each keystroke, and the same goes for the iPhone’s virtual keyboard.

Those would be the main features that I can think of that would be great on iPhone, some of which are on most other phones. There might be others, but those would be the main ones that could really improve it. Personally, I doubt that Apple would actually implement these features, but if they’re a big enough deal for you, you could just get a different phone, instead.

Should gamers be working so hard to avoid spoilers?

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mario-blindfolded-running-pokemon-sun

Have you ever attempted to have a conversation with someone about an upcoming game, and they wanted to avoid spoilers? It’s not fun, because they insist that you dance around certain topics that they might find revealing.

But hold on, the game hasn’t even been released yet. How can there be any spoilers? As it turns out, they don’t mean something like the ending or some plot point, they mean that they want to avoid any information on the game that they possibly can, so that the game will be a total surprise for them when they play it.

So, what they’re saying is that they’re sure that they want to purchase a game, but they don’t know anything about it besides its title. How can that be good for the gaming industry? If you’ve enjoyed the last few games in the Pokemon series, it’s not a bad bet that you’d enjoy the next one. But what incentive would the game makers have to continually improve their product if they are sure that they have your purchase? If game makers think that they can make steady income by virtue of the name of the series itself, that’s all they’d need to get sales. And persons who buy their games without doing research (such as those who attempt to avoid spoilers) only prove this to them.

So, what is someone to do to avoid all information about a game leading up to its release? If it’s a high-profile game like Pokemon, they’re bound to accidentally run into news of the game just by using the internet.

And for what? Some special revelation that could only occur the first time a person plays the game, not knowing what they’re getting into?

Game companies produce trailers for their video games for a reason: to market their products. Of course, they’ll have already won over those who have already made up their minds. But another reason game companies release trailers is because they contain information that they want buyers to have access to. They might be just what it takes to prevent people from being disappointed in their product when it turns out different from their expectations.

A person may be attempting to avoid disappointment by avoiding the hype machine. However, there’s still a potential for disappointment by virtue of the fact that the person has their own expectations, even if they develop those expectations independently of the game maker’s influence. And a person can’t avoid having expectations about a game that they intend to purchase. The very fact that they pre-order or purchase a game is an indication that they have expectations. Or that they’re reckless consumers.

If a person wants to leave themselves out of the conversation, that’s their choice. But avoiding game trailers for fear of spoilers is silly. It’s not like you can’t trust an official source with story-sensitive information about your game. And speaking of, video games are not books or movies. No one plays them for the story, they play for the game mechanics. It’s one of the primary things that sets video games apart from other forms of entertainment media.

I knew that Aeris dies before even playing Final Fantasy VII because many people were talking about it. People were talking about it because it was considered a big deal at the time. Insisting that people don’t talk about it just because you haven’t gotten around to playing the game yet is pretty selfish. Especially when what is discussed is information that has already been disclosed through trailers, which usually contains minimal information about the game to begin with.

MTV and Buzzfeed on being a guy.

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mtv-guy-code

You might want to disable your gag reflex for this one. This involves Buzzfeed. It also involves MTV. And MTV wants to impose their sad ideas of what it means to be a guy on the rest of us.

MTV (more specifically, MTV2) has posted “14 Rules Of (sic) Guy Code That Can Never Be Broken“. That MTV, property of global mass-media corporation Viacom, believes that they are in a position to tell the rest of us how to conduct ourselves as men is, in itself, interesting. But it gets even funnier when you get into the actual content of the article.

Let’s get started.

1. GREET APPROPRIATELY
I. No hug comes without a bro handshake first.
II. No hug comes without a pat on the back after.

The bro hug is the culturally-relevant male greeting of the current half-decade, much in the same way as the fist-bump was in the previous half-decade. And like the fist-bump, the bro hug is mere years from being cycled out, only to occasionally be brought up again by your awkward friends who are a tad behind on things.

Considering the temporary nature of these fad greetings, it’s interesting that MTV is ascribing to it the importance of a rule to never be broken. One might even get the idea that they don’t honestly think that their list will even be relevant in five years, and considers it of no more value than its ability to market a vapid television program.

III. No high fives are given to overeager bros.

Shown in the article is an animated picture of a man attempting to high five a couple people who don’t even notice him. Some rules are self-enforcing.

2. CHOOSE THE RIGHT URINAL
I. No urinal encroachment.

While there is little dispute over this rule, if any, MTV can be criticized for playing it safe for including a nearly universally-known rule. There’s very little point in bringing it up unless there are some specifics to get into, such as whether to take the urinal that is two urinals down from an occupied one, or whether to take the furthest.

II. No short urinals, unless you’re a child or a man-child.

Very short-sighted, MTV. It’s obvious that they’re not thinking to accommodate those who, by reason of substantial length, would require a lower urinal. I’m disappointed, MTV.

III. No loud dick shaking.

I wasn’t aware that this is a serious issue, but apparently, in Viacom’s offices, it is.

3. DON’T LET YOUR GIRL RUN YOUR LIFE
I. No dance classes.

If I suspect that my girlfriend wanted to control my life, The first signs I’d look for would be the ones that are likely to come up sooner. Such as telling me how to put my socks and neckties away. Once it gets to the point of dance classes, the problem is already pretty far advanced.

At this point, I suspect that the author is intentionally setting the bar low, and in so doing, inadvertently revealing something about himself.

II. No reading the same book together as a couples bonding activity.

Wrong. I can think of some books that can be read by couples. Such as the Bible. Also, The Alphabet of Manliness by Maddox.

aom-maddox

III. No sharing her clothes even if they’re “unisex” and you like the “silky feel.”

Are you kidding? Is this really such a universal problem that it has to be included in a list of pointers on how to be a guy? It’s as though the author is seriously ignorant or thinks very little of his audience. Did it occur to him that a guy who would wear women’s clothes wouldn’t care about a guy image? Because it’s quite obvious that that wouldn’t be what he’d be going for.

4. DON’T LET YOUR FRIEND’S GIRL RUN YOUR LIFE

You know what? There are people out there that probably actually could use this list. If there is someone out there that has so little confidence that they’re being whipped by a woman that isn’t even putting out for them, they really could benefit from a list that sets the bar so low. Baby steps.

I suspect that the author of this list is projecting, by the way.

I. No dating your friend’s girl before, during, or after their relationship.

If someone else’s girlfriend is running their life, she is very likely the one that started it. What she hopes to gain from playing her game, I don’t know.

II. No telling your friend’s girl about your friend’s other girl.

Why would anyone do this? It’s obvious that he already made his choice, and should be ready for the consequences when the two inevitably find out about each other.

III. No asking your friend’s girl if she has any “biddies” to set you up with.

There are a lot of reasons why I don’t suspect that most people would actually do this, and they generally have to do with the fact that I think more highly of people than MTV does. But then again, MTV is aiming for a particular audience here.

5. PRANK RESPECTFULLY
I. No broken bones.
II. No hijacking their phones.
III. No resulting loans.

Why not level up and not prank? Most pranks involve acts that are illegal.

6. MANAGE YOUR PORN
I. No using your roommate’s laptop.

In general, it’s not a very good idea to use anyone else’s laptop for most purposes, considering that you don’t know what they’ve been doing with it. Not that I don’t let other people use mine, on the principle that it doesn’t hurt for a gun to have an additional set of prints.

II. No writing “reviews” on the message board.

The word “reviews” is in quotation marks, so I suspect it means pretending to be an art connoisseur. In some cases, this can be pretty funny.

III. No waiting up late for live shows to start.

Your mom wants you to get up early for school tomorrow.

7. EAT LIKE A MAN
I. No cutting your pizza with a fork and knife.

If someone cares whether you do this, they probably don’t make a very good friend. Seriously, who cares?

Also, on a related note, there are those who complain about Americans using chop sticks when eating oriental food, particularly Asian servers. We can make a deal: we can pretend to know how to eat with chopsticks, and in exchange, you can pretend that you’re serving real oriental food.

II. No thinking you’re cute if you get foam on your nose from a cappuccino.

It’s not about whether someone actually gets foam on their nose. No, the problem is whether someone thinks they’re cute for it. How is anyone supposed to enforce this? I have no idea, because I’ve never tried anyone for thought crimes.

III. No asking the waiter to cut your hamburger bun in half.

You don’t have to. Hamburger buns are served sliced in half. They pretty much have to be. Otherwise, it’s pretty hard to get the patty between both halves.

8. DRINK LIKE A MAN
I. No asking for a “brewski.”
II. No colored straws, mini umbrellas, or drinks named after movie characters.

It should be obvious at this point that this isn’t so much a list governing guy conduct as it is a list of a miserable person’s pet peeves.

III. No shouting “shots for everyone!” without buying shots for everyone.

Also, never throw your money on the table. People might think you have a lot of the stuff.

9. DON’T BE WEIRD AT THE GYM

So, someone who has never been to the gym is going to attempt to tell us how to behave at a gym? This is going to be a treat. Let’s see what important issues he’s going to touch upon.

I. No running with “toe shoes.”

Picard-Facepalm

II. No looking at your abs in the gym mirror.

Why would anyone want a visual indication of their progress in the very place that they work toward a goal?

III. No group stretching except for extremely tight circumstances.

If an activity makes the author feel uncomfortable, he doesn’t want you to do it, either.

10. BE A GOOD GROOMSMAN
I. No skipping out on the bachelor party because you have a work thing.

While skipping out on a close friend’s special occasion is usually not a good thing, what I find disturbing here is that the author refers to gainful employment as a “work thing”. Believe it or not, a person’s career is usually very important to them. It’s not just their source of income, it’s how they justify their existence among other people. When someone greets you, it’s not rare of them to ask what you do for a living, and assign you a value based on your answer. Men see other men based on what they do with their lives. Because of this, people usually make sacrifices to their hobbies to further their career. Even if it means playing video games for a few fewer hours a day.

II. No making a long speech about how lonely you are.

I suspect that the author identifies with the temptation to do so.

III. No catching the garter.

Understanding this peeve requires understanding the superstition that the man who catches the garter is the next man to marry. The joke is that marriage is avoided by men because if they’re not married, they can keep right on sleeping around. Being married doesn’t prevent a man from doing that. The fidelity is implied. But if a man doesn’t intend to be faithful to any woman, you probably shouldn’t trust him for advice on how to be a better man.

11. KNOW HOW TO TAKE ALL-BRO PICS

MTV wants every guy to be a photographer. Why? I don’t know. Look, some people are better than other people at certain things. It’s why the concept of “pros” exists. If there’s an expert photographer in the group, you have them take the picture, not just any guy in the group.

I. No demanding that everyone look serious and tough.

Why not? It might make a funny picture.

II. No touching if no one else is touching.

Again, if the author feels uncomfortable with something, he doesn’t want anyone else doing it.

III. No forgetting your beach shirt.

MTV wants you to include a Hawaiian shirt in your EDC.

12. REGULATE FLATULENCE

Now those left-wingers want to regulate farting. Them liberals and their regulation of everything is going too far!

I. No denying it.

Unless you didn’t actually do it, right? Fart transparency isn’t some huge issue that I’m aware of. So, who cares? Considering that it’s a natural process with very little if anything in terms of consequences, why should anyone care who does it?

II. No forcing it.

This proves it. MTV is made up of fart hippies who only want their farts to be all-natural. Next thing you know, they’ll be demanding organic farts and gluten free farts. And don’t get me started on vegetarian farts. Those are nasty.

III. No talking about it like it’s art.

For some people, farting is art. Skilled farters exist, just as we have skilled belchers.

13. NO DICK SELFIES
I. No dick selfies for your girlfriend.

The one who would primarily be interested? I thought this was a list for guys. Now you’re trying to tell our girlfriends what they should be interested in?

II. No dick selfies for yourself.

If a person takes a dick-pic for himself, his consent is implied. Just who is he going to upset?

III. No dick selfies for your political future.

As it turns out, MTV is not too left-wing for an Anthony Wiener joke. Though, to be fair, that’s one bandwagon that’s hard to stay off of. Think about the level of impairment it would take to mistake an MMS message for social media. What a world-class blunder.

14. MAINTAIN YOUR BROMANCE

I was a little concerned that someone who would write up a list telling us not to stretch with assistance would be too sexually insecure to give us a few pointers on bromance. Let’s see what wisdom he has to impart.

I. No driving separately to the game.

What game would this be? If this guy is going to give us pointers on how to fart, one would assume that he’d make more than an implication that every man is interested in sports, which isn’t really true, anyway.

II. No being too busy for Mario Kart.

Again, sometimes, people make sacrifices to their hobbies for their careers. A person’s career is important. After all, a person needs money to pay the bills, and to have hobbies like Mario Kart to begin with.

III. No reservations about personal space.

Unless you’re having your picture taken. Or stretching.

THE AFOREMENTIONED ARE OFFICIAL TERMS OF GUY CODE, TO BE UPHELD IN GUY COURT.

If you’ve never heard of Guy Court, it’s a program on MTV2. Viacom saw the potential for marketing through social media, and decided to throw a list on how to be a guy onto a social media outlet, even if it happened to be Buzzfeed, which is populated largely by teenagers who think that they have the world figured out. Even if they didn’t know how.

By the way, Guy Court was cancelled after only 12 episodes in less than 2 months. It seems people don’t want to take advice on how to be manly from MTV. Not that MTV’s audience would be ideal for marketing such a message.

All things considered, this list of guy code rules is pretty pathetic. How about it? Should I make a list of rules on how to be manly? Not that I’d expect everyone to follow it or even take it seriously, but I think I can write something up that would be far more entertaining than Viacom’s sad attempt to market their programming.

Justice served: woman who falsely reported rape jailed

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rachel soderblom

Usually, when we hear a story about a woman falsely accusing a man of rape, we hear about how the allegation tears down every aspect of the man’s life while the woman doesn’t have to face any kind of consequence. The story I’m sharing with you today has a refreshing change of pace.

I’ll preface my next statement with the following: If you’ve actually been raped, report it to the police. That’s the best shot at getting the rapist convicted so he won’t do it again. Don’t wait, just do it, and cooperate with the investigation. You’d be helping society in doing so.

As any SJW or regressive leftist can tell you, if you decide to falsely accuse someone of rape, the last thing you want to do is report it to the police. If attacking someone’s reputation with a false allegation is not beneath you, the most practical way to go about it is to take it to social media. Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, pick your social media outlet. However, actually taking it to the police could backfire.

Thirty-four year old Rachel Soderblom of Jackson, Michigan found this out the hard way after falsely reporting to the police that she had been raped. The police used DNA identification to implicate a man who did have sexual relations with her. After the man was arrested, he told his lawyer what had happened, and soon afterwards, police determined that the woman’s story didn’t line up with her friend’s claims that they set her up with him.

For those of you who don’t know the justice system very well, there is a process of questioning and collecting evidence to evaluate the veracity of an accusation. This is what is referred to as an “investigation”. As in, no, don’t count on the police to take everything you say at face value.

Rachel claimed that she was raped at random in a parking lot, when in fact her friends hooked her up with the man, and the two had arranged their sexual encounter with the man making claims that he could “make her go straight”. Rachel eventually fessed up, saying that she invented the claim that she was raped to hide the fact that she cheated on her lesbian partner, and that she did not intend for there to be an arrest.

As a result, Rachel Soderblom was convicted for falsely reporting a felony. She faces 100 days of jail time, followed by two-and-a-half years of probation. She has also been ordered to pay $1483 in fines and legal fees.

Matters like this don’t typically conclude this nicely, and it is great to see a story like this come up to discourage those who are considering the same thing. After all, the criminal justice system is intended for, you know, criminal justice, and is not intended for stupid BS.

One problem I had with this matter is that Soderblom got off way too easy. One hundred days in jail is way to short of a sentence for this kind of thing. As I see it, she should have gotten the very same sentence that she intended for her victim. At least there is a punishment for clogging up the system with BS claims instead of real cases.

Raichu takes Worlds by storm!

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Raichu throne

Another Pokemon World Championships has come and gone, and we get to look at another batch of winning teams. I saw the VGC Masters Division finals match live, which was a treat. But it was one pokemon in finalist Wolfe Glick’s team that had me watching with particular interest: Raichu!

Because I like Raichu, was was interested in seeing Glick take the title (also, I didn’t like the attitude of his opponent much). And I was not disappointed. After years of living in the mascot pokemon’s shadow, Raichu actually made the champion’s team, and as a key member!

It almost never happened. One of the Raichu’s key moves was Endeavor, a move a Pikachu can only have if it were a special gift Pikachu given to participants of a special tournament that only permitted Electric type pokemon, and that Pikachu would only have been awarded as a prize if Pikachu were used enough in the competition. (I participated in this competition, by the way.) The Pikachu was made available, and it’s evolved form, Raichu, made it into the champion’s team!

Here’s the breakdown of Raichu’s moveset, as made available on the official Worlds website:

Raichu
Timid Nature
Ability: Lightning Rod
Item: Assault Vest
– Fake Out
– Volt Switch
– Endeavor
– Nuzzle
HP 36 / Def 204 / SpAtk 20 / SpDef 68 / Speed 180

Glick switched Raichu in when he predicted that his Primal Kyogre would take a Thunder attack, which activated Raichu’s Lightning Rod ability, which draws Electric type attacks to itself, nullifies them, and gives Raichu a Special Attack boost for its trouble. Fake Out wouldn’t do much damage, as evidenced by the Attack-reducing Timid nature. It’s apparently there to disrupt the opponent’s plays, such as preventing Primal Groudon from attacking. High Speed gives Raichu a faster Fake Out, which can land before many opponent’s priority moves. Volt Switch can then get Raichu out of there while simultaneously attacking, so Raichu can get another Fake Out in later, and disrupt future Thunder attacks. The surprise for me is the presence of the Assault Vest item, which gives Raichu plenty of Special Defense. This Raichu can take an Origin Pulse attack, and then come back with an Endeavor to make the opponents easier to clean up for its opponents. Nuzzle gives Raichu a means outside of Thunder Wave to paralyze opponents, and isn’t restricted by the Assault Vest item.

Raichu’s EV spread is pretty specific, but it’s designed with some specific circumstances in mind. For example, one of the most popular pokemon in Worlds is Mega Kangaskhan, which also has the move Fake Out. Between dueling Fake Outs, the fastest one wins out. This EV distribution allows Raichu to outspeed Mega Kangaskhan by one point. This spread also enables Raichu to survive attacks to allow it to get some nice Endeavor damage.

Glick was apparently one of three participants in the top 8 with the same strategy, so it seems like the idea to use Raichu in this way has been going around. Being someone who likes Raichu, I think it’s great to see Raichu finally get some love. And not just in the form of a Worlds victory, but also with a new form in the upcoming games, Pokemon Sun and Moon.

raichu new form

Was I talking about this new form? Yeah, I was talking about this new form. I was talking about it for days. This new Raichu uses its tail like a hoverboard. Not one of those has-wheels-and-touches-the-ground-but-we’ll-call-it-a-hoverboard-anyway kind of hoverboard that exists as a concession between our dreams and what we can currently produce, but this Raichu actually floats in place standing on its tail. So there.

This Raichu even gets a neat new ability, which doubles its Speed when electric terrain is active. Considering that Raichu is already very fast, this probably isn’t necessary, but it’s still cool. The one thing that might hold it back, however, is its new secondary Psychic typing, which isn’t a very good type competitively speaking. It’s weak to Knock Off, which is one of the most common moves on the competitive scene. There’s also Pursuit to watch out for, which would effectively trap Raichu in certain circumstances. Assuming its base stats remain the same, Raichu’s normally low Defense wouldn’t help much.

But, who knows? Some genius might figure out a way to get this Raichu on a Worlds winning team.

Nintendo goes after AM2R? What?

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Nintendo is going about taking down AM2R.

Okay, I get it. Nintendo has a right to defend their intellectual properties. In the case of AM2R (Another Metroid 2 Remake), it’s debatable as to whether the game was sufficiently transformative to fall into fair use, seeing that it’s not a straight-up ROM of Metroid 2. But it does use Nintendo’s characters and it uses a scenario for an existing Nintendo game. It’s Nintendo’s IP, and it’s understandable that they’d want to protect it.

What strikes me as odd is the timing of the takedown of AM2R, which was just days after its release. It stinks of something spiteful.

AM2R wasn’t some fly-by-night operation happening in a dark alley somewhere; its development was highly publicized, to the point that there were frequent public updates from the developer. Not only that, early versions of the game were released as demos. Why didn’t Nintendo start issuing takedowns for those? Was Nintendo okay with the demos?

What this indicates is an extraordinary level of spite from Nintendo. They could have issued a takedown request at any point during the game’s years-long development process. But no, they waited to issue the request until the project was finished, and the passionate Metroid fan that had worked on it had invested hours upon hours of his time.

Nintendo can’t pretend ignorance, because a member of Retro Studios had expressed that he was aware of AM2R’s existence. It’s not like Nintendo wasn’t aware of what was going on.

AM2R was coming to us just as Metroid was celebrating it’s 30th anniversary. Okay, it’s not really much of a celebration. I don’t know if Nintendo is even acknowledging Metroid’s 30th anniversary, other than maybe a blurb about it in marketing Metroid Prime Soccer… *ahem*, I mean, Metroid Prime Federation Force, a game which angered many of Metroid’s core fans.

Again, I know that Nintendo has a right to defend its intellectual properties. But going after someone who made a fan game (not even a ROM, but a transformative reskinning)? And not doing anything about it until days after the years-long development process came to its conclusion (in spite of repeated release of demos of the same game)?

I doubt that Nintendo is thinking much about making it up to the person who made AM2R, but I think that Nintendo would benefit from hiring him. It’s obvious that the guy knows quite a few things about how to make a video game. At least they’ll have scored some real talent for their team, and not come away with a total loss from the bad press that they’ll get from taking down AM2R.

Going after a Metroid fan like this wouldn’t likely put Nintendo in a positive light. I know that Nintendo wants us to give Federation Force a chance, but in light of how Nintendo treated AM2R, which was an expression of just how much fans want a real Metroid experience, that’s not very easy to do.

Pokemon vs. Digimon: more proof that Pokemon came first

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Pocket_Monsters_volume_1_cover Before this.

A while back, I wrote an article that explored the question of whether Pokemon or Digimon came first. What I didn’t expect was for the article to be the big hit that it was. As of this writing, it’s easily the single most viewed article I’ve written for this blog.

From what I’ve seen, the article struck a nerve among Digimon fans, who didn’t like me saying that Pokemon came first. However, I likely wouldn’t have typed up the article if they didn’t keep insisting that Digimon came first.

In fact, to this day, Digimon fans continue to insist that their game came first, saying that Pokemon took inspiration for its concept from them. Some of them even continue to insist this after reading my article!

They might not have a strong history of accepting facts, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t continue presenting them.

As we are well aware at this point, the first copyright for Digimon was made by Akiyoshi Hongo, and it was dated 1997. Meanwhile, the first copyright for Pokemon was made in 1995 by Game Freak, even though the first commercially available Pokemon product wasn’t released until February 1996.

But what if it could be demonstrated that Game Freak, the owners of Pokemon, copyrighted creative elements that would be implemented into Pokemon years before Pokemon was officially released?

Behold:

Capsule_Monsters_Cover

Pictured above is a concept sketch for Capsule Monsters. If you’ve never heard of Capsule Monsters before, it’s the original concept for Pokemon. The picture above depicts a boy releasing a monster from a ball to fight another monster. Notice that Game Freak placed their name on this cover. Also, notice the copyright date: 1990.

If that weren’t enough, check out the following:

Capsule_Monsters_map

That’s instantly recognizable as the map of the Kanto region from the first generation of Pokemon games. The copyright date is a little hard to make out, but it does look like 1990, and the copyright holder is Game Freak Inc.

So, what does this mean? It means that basic elements of the Pokemon franchise, such as using monsters to battle other monsters, pokeballs, and even the map of the Kanto region, have existed in concept sketches and have been copyrighted years before someone decided to make something similar and call it “Digimon”.

There are more images like these that can be found on Bulbapedia, but I’ve selected these ones because they display the copyright dates. Other Capsule Monsters images shows early concept art for what would become pokeballs, pokemarts, and interaction between trainers on a route. It’s clear that these are concepts that would be implemented into Pokemon.

So, does the date of 1990 precede 1997? Yeah, it sure does. Does this mean that Pokemon came before Digimon? Yep. And it was being developed much earlier than many people originally thought. As of now, there’s no evidence of Digimon existing in any form prior to 1997.

So, that’s it. This proves that Game Freak didn’t steal from anybody with the Pokemon concept. Not that there was any reason for anyone to think that they did, but there are Digimon fans out there that think otherwise, for some reason.

Now, can we accept the facts and move on?

Webcomic Review: Classes

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I did not alter this.

Today, I did something painful. I’ve read through another bad webcomic. This one is called, “Classes”. It’s a name that’s strangely fitting, because it’s one thing I can recommend to its author.

Classes is easily the whitest webcomic I’ve ever seen. Don’t believe me? Read any page of the webcomic for yourself. Such as this one, which happened to be the most recent one as of this posting. Then do your eyes a favor and return to this page, quick.

I can assume that the reason why this webcomic is so white is because the author is trying to make it stylistic. Most pages don’t use panels; the comic reads from top to bottom with sequential drawings. It’s an interesting idea, but the result is a webcomic that hurts my eyes. Personally, I wouldn’t have minded narrowing the many super-wide margins, because as it is, Classes is like staring into an LED flashlight.

He’s not alone.

If you’re a non-Japanese artist and you want to draw in the manga style, go right ahead. I don’t mind it. I’m not one of those super-snooty weeaboo freaks that think that only the Japanese can do the style right. But be aware that not everyone who attempts to draw in the manga style is good at it. In fact, there are people out there that draw in the manga style for the wrong reasons.

When some people see the manga style, what they see is something stylistic and visually appealing that they’d enjoy drawing and that their audience might enjoy seeing. They would be the people drawing manga for the right reasons. When other people see the manga style, they see a formulaic and easily-replicable art form that they could use as the visual vessel for their poorly-written stories with minimal effort, which they can sell by saying that they’re being stylistic. They would be the ones that decide on the manga style for the wrong reasons.

Yes, I know that there are high-quality manga out there. Some of the best ones have a simplistic and messy style, such as those drawn by Ueda Hajime, while others pay heavy attention to anatomy and composition. Those manga aren’t a problem. What’s problematic is when the manga style is used as an excuse to put less effort forward.

A novice artist might discover the manga style, then start drawing his characters with rounder faces that look flatter when viewed head-on, and drawing pointed chins that often disappear when a character’s profile is viewed. Part of the style. But then you notice that they’re drawing each of their characters in the chibi (simplified and child-like) style, and you suspect that they’re cutting corners, as Japanese artists typically only use the chibi style in certain circumstances. Even that can probably be sold as being stylistic (not that Teen Titans Go is off the hook).

But look closer, and you’ll see the mistakes. Okay, you probably don’t have to look close. The art has a rushed look to it, like manga is going out of style, and someone is in a hurry to make a quick buck off of it, even if they don’t know how.

One of the biggest mistakes that novice manga artists make is drawing the eyes as blank and shallow. Unless the character you’re drawing is in some catatonic state, the eyes should always look deep and expressive, even when it’s clear that everything else about your character is heavily chibified. Consider this example:

Umaru eyes

To make your manga characters really pop, you get the eyes right, even if you get nothing else right. There’s a reason for this: when people look at other people, their gaze is naturally drawn to the eyes. When looking at a person’s eyes, it’s easy to determine their mood and sometimes even their intentions. Because of this tendency, manga style is easy viewing because the eyes are larger and easier for viewers to find.

How does Classes do eyes? See for yourself:

classes webcomic 3.png

If you’re curious, that’s how the eyes for characters in Classes look by default.

I’ll give the author of Classes this much: she does choose her colors very well, and the shading is okay. Still, it’s pretty obvious when an artist chooses a semi-chibi manga style to hide the fact that the artist has a difficult time drawing things such as clothing. Yes, I know it’s challenging to keep track of things such as pressure points and how they would affect how a fabric wrinkles. But if a person doesn’t bother with that, the clothing can look like it’s skin-tight, or even floating in place.

As for the story, Classes is about a group of children who join a military academy that uses elemental magic. It’s about as cliche as it sounds, but because it’s in the anime style, there’s bound to be an extremely dangerous and competitive shounen-style field examination led by a severely disinterested proctor. Is that in there? Yep.

And while we’re discussing worn-out conventions, this thing where the characters are color-coded by the elemental magic types that they use is beyond stale. Sometimes, I suspect that writers do this to keep things straight for themselves. Is it too much to ask that writers express the creativity necessary for their characters to deviate at least slightly from the standard archetypes? Even the personalities of the characters seem to follow the color-coded conventions. For example, one character uses the ice element and has blue hair. No prize for guessing that she’s aloof and distant, that would be too easy. Once you’ve figured that out, it’s not much of a leap to imagine that she’s an overpowered child. It’s almost as though Classes was optimized for TV Tropes.

The main character is Kiwi, a young girl who is unrelatably irresponsible. If you thought Giga from Boss Rush Society was bad, Kiwi will make you wonder how even a fictional universe can host a creature so prone to bad decision-making.

I know that giving your characters flaws can make them more relatable, but going too far with the flaws can have the opposite effect. To give you an idea of what we’re dealing with here, Kiwi missed her own graduation just to goof off, and ended up missing out on gaining magical powers. She was allowed to graduate anyway, and was allowed to take the field exam without them, which goes to show that some people wanted her to die. She was also responsible in part for a huge disaster during the exam, wherein she was provided with just the substance needed to do so by chance.

Also, to give you a heads up, the narrative is sometimes broken without warning by non-canon sequences featuring the dog doing things like gender-swapping experiments. It’s tricky enough guessing the genders of some of the characters already, so these sequences didn’t help. They add nothing to the comic except to pad it out, which can really hurt if you just want to get it over with so you can get to writing a review about it.

I think it’s about time I got around to giving this webcomic its score. I’m a little surprised that I went out on it as much as I did, but Classes made some mistakes that brought to mind some problems that I’ve been noticing in creative communities, so I took an opportunity to vent a little bit. I know what some of you may be thinking: “But Raizen, webcomics like this are free. You get what you pay for, right?”

You know what else is free? Malware. And malware does take something away from people: their time. Time is something that a person only has so much of, and once they spend it, they don’t get it back. If someone doesn’t enjoy something, they feel like their time is wasted. A moment enjoyed is not wasted. Based on this criteria, I can give webcomics like Classes a score that reflects how I feel about the time I’ve spent with them. And on that note, here’s the score for the webcomic: Angry out of ten.

angry manga out of ten

Which, if you prefer numbers, would be a 3.2.

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