Sometimes, I suspect that Time magazine is optimizing its content so that people like me can make fun of it, so we’ll click on their stuff and get them ad revenue.

As vexing as it sounds, it seems to be working. Otherwise, it’s hard to explain the recent spate of articles from them commenting on what “the internet” is doing.

If you suspect that I put “the internet” in quotation marks on purpose, you’d be right. It should be pretty clear by now that when Time says that “the internet” is doing something, it means that they’ve found a small community that throws memes around that they can use to put words into the mouths of the rest of us.

Let’s look at a few of their headlines. It pains me to link to them, because I don’t want them to have more ad revenue, so please make sure you have your ad blocker and Privacy Badger enabled if you plan to let their site hurt your eyes.

By the way, some of their sites automatically play videos when you click on them. You know the kind I mean; they’re the ones that move to the lower-right corner when you attempt to scroll down to read their content. This makes Time like that boy on the playground that tries to show his privates to you: when you look away, he tries to get your attention.

The Internet Is Freaking Out Over How Donald Trump Still Tapes His Tie Together

Oh, is it? I’ve already commented on this one before, so there’s no need to get into it again here. The author of this piece is Megan McCluskey, a name that will come up again before this article is over.

The Internet Is Having a Field Day Turning Paul Ryan’s Health Care PowerPoint Into Hilarious Memes

Really? I couldn’t tell because I was busy not caring. However, author Megan McCluskey cares, and she’s willing to use her paid professional position in mainstream media to tell the rest of us that memes are being passed around on the internet. That this woman gets paid to trashpost is encouraging to a new generation of talentless hacks that want little more out of life than to draw in a meager paycheck for insipid mediocrity.

Sean Spicer Wore His Flag Pin Upside Down and the Internet Freaked Out

No, it didn’t.

This article has Megan McClusky’s style all over the place, from use of weasel words to aggregation of other people’s content. So I would have guessed that this article was her own. Or perhaps Katie Reilly is a pen name she uses. I’m beginning to suspect that there’s a workshop somewhere for putting together half-baked news stories by collecting other people’s Twitter posts. If so, dark days are ahead for journalism.

The Internet Can’t Stop Laughing at These Stunned Luke Kennard Memes

I’ll give Megan McCluskey that, because a person can’t stop laughing at something that they weren’t laughing at to begin with.

Have fun with whatever it is you’re trying to do, Time magazine. You look for new content for your site, and so do I.

This is Green Day’s Billie Joe Armstrong. I did not alter this photo.

I’m getting real tired of defending Donald Trump, off all people. However, when taking on the BS of old media, it’s a difficult thing to avoid.

This time, Green Day’s Billie Joe Armstrong made the news by comparing Donald Trump to Voldemort. That’s right, the bad guy from the fictional universe of Harry Potter.

What’s the scandal? What’s the event? Was there some major occurrence that makes this newsworthy? Nope. There was none. Just some washed up old musician firing his mouth off, and we’re supposed to give a care what he has to say.

That’s it. That’s the entire news story.

Surely this couldn’t have come from a news site that’s professional and relevant, right? There’s no way that a news outlet that’s been around for decades could have deemed this newsworthy and passed it along as news, right?

Wrong.

That someone from the mainstream entertainment industry is expressing a view that’s so left-wing that he falls off the side of the plane isn’t really new. That the same guy thinks his audience is so witless that they’d nod assent with big stupid grins as he conflates real-life political climate with a fictional narrative isn’t exactly new, either (considering the people who actually still like Green Day, I wouldn’t put it past them). It’s also not new that he would directly compare someone he doesn’t like to the worst bad guy he could think of, consistent with someone who has never faced a true hardship.

So, what’s new about this? Absolutely nothing. And that’s exactly why it doesn’t belong in the news.

Hawaii has become the first state to challenge President Trump’s travel ban on 6 Muslim majority countries. The fact that the countries in question are Muslim majority is apparently relevant, rather than the fact that the countries in question are conflict zones or rogue states. But hey, I suppose the Muslim majority claim better fits the narrative, in spite of the fact that citizens of the other 44 Muslim majority countries may travel to the US easily.

Some “Muslim ban” this is.

As you likely know, Hawaii’s capacity for identifying with the plight of states affected by illegal immigration is well known, considering the fact that the state shares a border with absolutely nobody, and the nearest continental landmass is over 2400 miles away.

Seeing as Hawaii traditionally votes Democrat, it should be no surprise that the place is somehow ridiculously wealthy in spite of the fact that it doesn’t produce jack.

Hawaii’s challenge to the travel ban is on the claim that the ban is unconstitutional, which it isn’t. Come on, people. Actually read the constitution. It’s not very long, so it won’t take much time. In fact, here is a link to do so. You’d be surprised how many people have no idea what their rights are.